I am doing a little better, although things are up and down.
I keep seeing my new IC, will see her tonight, and things are really good there. She pushes me, but allows me to guide the conversation. I always cry my eyes out in there but leave feeling a little freer. She's helping me look more honestly at some of the stuff that guided my decisions for my whole life and I think it's helping.
I had drinks with OBS this week and it was good. He seems to blame WH more than his own WW, saying she is naïve and easily led. I reminded him and showed him every text she sent me for the last year, mostly initiated by her and not while WH was sitting next to her directing her. She did that on her own. I understand he is going through his own process though and just want to help where I can. Based on his info, I think WH and AP are living together, which I suspected. I thought that would hurt more than it does.
OBS did reveal another interesting fact and I'll try to tell this without getting into politics. WH absolutely hates a certain politician to the point he won't be friends with anyone who supports this person. OBS told me AP voted for this person. As WH loves to talk politics, I wonder when this will come out? From what I know of AP, I'm sure she'll frame it as she was young and dumb and didn't have the guidance of smart, strong WH to show her the way. Still, it makes me chuckle. It also reminds me how little these people actually have in common. I can't imagine this will end well, which mostly doesn't matter to me. I don't want to R, I knew from the moment he revealed the affair I couldn't, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him to want me.
I did have a rougher day on Sunday. I went to my dad's to watch the game and have dinner and while sitting in the living room I noticed a number of photos of WH and I on our happiest days, engagement, wedding, etc. So, I took them off the wall and told my dad about it. My cousin suggested she and I do a bunch of 1980's style awkward family photos of the 2 of us to replace the pictures and I think that's a great idea.
WH is moving the remainder of his stuff out on Saturday. I have a bridal shower to attend and will not be there, so my cousin is going to be there to make sure everything is copacetic. I think I will be both glad and sad to have his stuff gone. There isn't much left anyway, but I sense it will feel more final.
On a more positive note, I had a second date with that guy and it was great! Again, things are casual, but we had a lovely time and finished with a lovely kiss, my first first kiss in 17 years. I'm taking things very slow, but I like him and I wasn't sure I could do that. He seems to like me too and that feels nice after so long of being neglected (I now realize I was) by WH.
I'm also about 1/3 of the way through Journey from Abandonment to Healing and it's really helping, too. Plus, I've found some great podcasts about infidelity and divorce.