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Newest Member: Lissa

Divorce/Separation :
my WW tried to chat me up


 soconfused0314 (original poster new member #82535) posted at 4:41 AM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

My WW tried to chat me up. She is still in an emotional affair with the other man. We are newly separated. D-Day was less than a week ago. I am proud of myself with how I handled the conversation. A few of the choice bits :

If you have a relationship with him you will not have one with me.
If you sever that relationship, I think there are so many possibilities for us.

It's toxic, negative, down low and all together a dark negative energy which I have been feeling for a while
If you sever it we are fine. Otherwise you are damaging me without care I don't need anyone actively practicing that in my life. If you want it that's you. I get it. But I will not except that in my life

I have hope for us. Friendship or something more . But to be blunt pull your head out of your ass.
As long as you have a relationship with him, you will never see me again. I see no reason to accept that negative energy in my life.

Honestly, it's shocking and disrespectful that you did not understand this. Just intrinsically.
What happened to you?!?? I know you're in there. I just don't understand
Please salvage yourself.

Reminds me of cancer to be honest. I have no idea why you would welcome that into your life. It is literally destroying everything about the structure of your life.
Enough said I suppose.

Once again, I truly love you and hope you can find the wisdom you need

Hopefully that deters further contact. Maybe she will pull her head out but it seems firmly stuck! I just can not except this in my life

posts: 12   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2022   ·   location: home was SLC but currently traveling
id 8771565

 soconfused0314 (original poster new member #82535) posted at 4:42 AM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Part of me feels I let to much anger out :(

posts: 12   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2022   ·   location: home was SLC but currently traveling
id 8771566

JammyWheel ( new member #80828) posted at 10:09 AM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

That’s a great thing to have said

Very clear!

posts: 48   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2022
id 8771584

ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 11:49 AM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Just my humble opinion but if your two are separated and on track to D, no response would have been a better choice. Unless it’s about anything directly related to the D (or kids if you have them) grey rock is your best friend IMO.

Responding to her in any other way keeps her hooks into you and let’s her know you’re still an option. NC let’s her really see what not having you in her life really feels like.

All the best to you.


posts: 2026   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8771588

HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:15 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

If she severs it you're fine? So all will be ok,as long as she just comes back?

Bad messages to send.

NC is NC.

Don't tell her you're ok with being Plan B.

posts: 5274   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8771608

 soconfused0314 (original poster new member #82535) posted at 5:04 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Your right. I probably should not have said that. I guess I still have part of me that wants to hope.

I am going forward doing 100% NC. Obviously my heart is all over the place so it will be a changeling but I have to do it for me. If she did sever ties with him we might have something to talk about. Guess I will have to cross that bridge if it comes.

It will be nice to put 2022 in the review mirror for sure.

Thank all for your amazing support (and this site!!!)

posts: 12   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2022   ·   location: home was SLC but currently traveling
id 8771615

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:57 AM on Sunday, January 1st, 2023

It's a learning process and there's no instruction manual. At one week, you did ok. It's tough.

When I look back at the beginning of my NC with XWH, I can see where I messed up, too. It gets easier as you detach.

I did find that no response was best. My XWH just wanted a response. It hurt him more if there was no response.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1976   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8771676

HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 7:59 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2023

I would just go NC with her. There is nothing you can say that will wake her up. She has to be the one to dot that, and on her own. You're just wasting your time chit chatting with her thinking that your truth and logic means anything to her. SHe does not function on logic, otherwise she wouldn't have cheated. You cannot logic her head out of her ass, otherwise it wouldnt' have ended up there in the first place.

posts: 1399   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8776392
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