SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Glad to see that things have been quiet and peaceful (in some sense) so far. Hope things continue in your favor.

Hey KB, how are you and the kids holding up? Has your ex had visitation with the kids yet? How is the divorce progressing? Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.

KB check in, please. Getting worried about you!

Hi Ark, I'm OK. Thank you for checking on me. I've had a crappy few weeks but am safe and so are the kids. The crappy stuff has just been life in general. I'm sorry I didn't check in sooner and didn't mean to alarm you or worry you. No updates to post really other than I probably won't get a divorce court date until at least August, which sucks because I'm struggling financially at the moment and not getting any support from WH yet. But, I am trying to figure some things out and staying Positive. I'd rather not need his support anyway, so that is my goal. I got a bill for a cell phone I never had as well, and pretty positive he opened one in my name after we separated, but waiting to get definitive proof. Thanks again for checking on me and I promise to keep updating.

And Happy Mothers day to all the mama's here! 💗

KB that's awful if he opened a phone in your name :( I'm sorry you're struggling financially, but I'm so glad you're safe!

Hey KB, how are you and your kids faring? Any updates on the crazy? Or the phone? Just checking to see if you're ok.

Hey guys, sorry I have been kind of absent lately. I've been working overtime and trying to live life.

Not really any updates as of now. Last news was that we probably won't have another court date until November. That had me pretty down for a bit bc I'm not receiving any kind of financial support so things have been tough. but I'm just trying to ignore all the chaos and negativity as much as I can and enjoy time with the kids, picking up overtime when available. Wh has not set up the supervised visits still after over 2 months since they were ordered. He's messaged mutual friends stating "he can't afford them and shouldn't have to do them anyway," but complains about not seeing them.

No update on the phone yet. I disputed it through the credit bureau and they have not finished their investigation yet.

I will continue updating here. Thanks for always being supportive!

Glad you're doing well, KB. I would ask your attorney about getting temporary orders for child support and money for bills. I would also look into pulling your credit report to make sure your ex isn't opening new accounts right now. Hopefully your kids are doing well and the inlaws are leaving you and the kids alone! They are NOT good people and will definitely be continuing their crazy shenanigans, I'm sure. Just keep filing police reports when they do and come here to vent. Just know we're rooting for you.

Hi guys, I have an update finally.

I had mentioned before that WH didn't respond to the divorce, so in my state that qualifies for a default divorce if they don't respond in 30 days. My attorney said the earliest Date they could get was November, due to her schedule and the judge's. I am in a small town so there's only certain dates they handle certain cases. I was getting very irritated with my attorney as they have been taking some time to get back to me.

Today I called and got a little firm. It didnt help that my attorney is on vacation again. I was polite and respectful but I made it clear to the assistant I am not happy with the lack of communication and that November is unacceptable, and I believe it will hurt my case bc before November, without a doubt, WH will start trying to fight me on everything. Child custody, home ownership, etc. (I'm amazed he hasnt yet.) I advised that i have researched default divorces and how they work and told her i will go to court myself if i need to,just send me the paperwork. She promised to call me back by tomorrow. I figured I'd have to call again like I have in the past but to my surprise she called me back 15 minutes later and advised I have a court Date for July 11th! Another attorney will be coming with me. I'm so relieved. It's bittersweet as well bc it's the death of the dream I had for over 13 years. But I know it's 100% necessary and I think this will help me start healing. I've been healing since he's not been here but have felt stuck in limbo. This will give some closure.

Wh was ordered supervised visits at our last court date March 14th and still hasn't had the first meeting. The counselor messaged me yesterday and said he is finally supposed to meet with WH Wednesday, but if he cancels again he won't work with him anymore. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for the continued support.

I'm sorry that you had to watch your dream die KB, but so glad you got a quicker court date. I hope everything goes as smooth as it possibly can!

Thank you Nomud! It sucks but once you realize it was just that, a DREAM, and that your dream will never be REALITY, it's easier to accept. Its funny bc WH used to tell me i lived in a fantasy land. I guess he was right in a sense, at least about how i held onto "what if's" with him and our marriage instead of the reality of who he is and how our marriage actually was. Its still a very painful situation but this was the only decision I had to make if I wanted a safe, peaceful life for my kids and myself. You have been such a great friend and so supportive through this journey. 😊 So many of you here have. And I will never be able to say enough thank yous to show how much I appreciate all of you. This isn't over yet but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the very long dark tunnel finally. I'll keep updating as they happen.

Thank you Nomud! It sucks but once you realize it was just that, a DREAM, and that your dream will never be REALITY, it's easier to accept. Its funny bc WH used to tell me i lived in a fantasy land. I guess he was right in a sense, at least about how i held onto "what if's" with him and our marriage instead of the reality of who he is and how our marriage actually was. Its still a very painful situation but this was the only decision I had to make if I wanted a safe, peaceful life for my kids and myself. You have been such a great friend and so supportive through this journey. 😊 So many of you here have. And I will never be able to say enough thank yous to show how much I appreciate all of you. This isn't over yet but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the very long dark tunnel finally. I'll keep updating as they happen.

Great update KB! I have sort of fallen off in my responses to you lately, but I'm glad to hear that you have found a safe place and some more peace to raise your children away from as much drama as possible.

Thank you Bor! I appreciate you as always!

I have another small update. Today was the first visit with the counselor for the supervised visits. WH wasn't there. This was just the meeting for the kids and I to meet with counselor and kind of go over everything. No surprise, but WH went in there and told the counselor he has no idea what's happening. That I have mental issues. And that I just up and decided to divorce him and keep the kids from him. Smh When I started telling a gist of the story he stopped me and said "Woah. I haven't heart any of this at all." So he is upset with WH for lying to him. The kids played in a playroom for a little bit while I told my story. The counselor is ordering a finger nail drug test for WH. The kids will have the first visit with him Wed if he passes the test.

My 4 year old daughter was playing when we got home. I asked the kids how they feel about the visits and she said "good, but h and r are not able to go bc grandma and grandpa said they can't anymore. " I said "what do you mean honey?" My oldest stepped in and said "yes, last time we were there they said if they don't come next time they aren't welcome here anymore bc they are hurting daddy's feelings when they don't come." I was so livid. I had a talk with my oldest afterwards and she said that is why she stopped going. She said she didn't go the next week because she didn't want them to be asking about the ones that didn't show and talking about them. And the next week she was scared to go back bc she missed a week and was afraid they'd be mad at her too.

I'm going to report that to the counselor. Little things are still coming out occasionally. It makes me furious they have my kids walking on eggshells like I used to be with them and him. If you don't do what they want, they disown you, gaslight you, make you the bad guy, etc..

Another instance a few months ago, when they were still visiting, my 4 year old said something at their house about "daddy broke this" and they (grandparents) told her daddy didn't do that. They are trying to gaslight my kids. They weren't even there! My oldest said "that made me uncomfortable because they said that to her and I saw with my own eyes daddy break that".

These people are sick. The way WH is makes a lot of sense now. They've been doing that to him his whole life. Not that that excuses his behavior as an adult, but it sure shows me where many of his issues came from.

Anyway, thank you for the continued support as always. I'll keep updating.

Ugh, how awful for them to subject the kids to that. And awful of your stbx to try and lie to the counselor. Thankfully, sounds like the counselor is decent.

At least your kids still have you, Kb.

I am so sorry you and the kids are still dealing with this crap KB. You would think that the councilor would have known your wh was lying about something considering HE has supervised visits. If they do have to visit, I hope it goes okay for the kids and he doesn't mess with them more than he already has :(

One week after Independence Day you will have your own Independence Day! Exactly one month from now. I'm excited for you and proud of you for standing up for yourself! Keep the faith.

Thanks so much guys! I appreciate you all. I am excited to have my own "independence day!" I guess WH talked to the counselor bc I got this email from WH today. He, 6 months later, is still not even admitting to anything at all. Still trying to gaslight me. It blows my mind. Also I still have a no contact order on him, although ive learned my small town doesn't do much about contact unless it's threatening bc WH is living in a different county. But I am definitely keeping it for my records. Here is the message he sent:

You posted this K but you were saying about things that didn’t happen and at this point have take our kids away from their father bc you thought you knew what was going on. I’d just like to be able to speak to you so I could flat out tell you what was going on and so that you can understand the amount of unnecessary pain and heart ache you caused me and our children. You refusing to speak to me and then doing all the other stuff was wrong. You could have talked to me. We have a family K. Nothing changes that. Do you believe that you can change that? Are you trying to take our kids from the only man that has been in their lives and think it’s ok? I don’t understand why you think it’s alright and then you think you’ve been wronged by me which never happened. Period. I know you’ll never apologize and it wouldn’t matter bc the damage is done. What do you think this has done to our children K? If you say nothing then you need to do some
Soul Searching. I wish I didn’t love you but I do and it’s a the most
Painful goddamn thing ever to love you.

He is referring to something I posted on pinterest months ago. I thought I had him blocked everywhere but he keeps finding a way to contact me from different emails. The post on pinterest said

she's not jealous, insecure, or crazy. She's intuitive, intelligent, conscious, and unwilling to tolerate lies and disrespect.

He is literally acting like he did nothing. Like one day I just decided I wanted to divorce him and take the kids. Nevermind the binder with photos of the bruises and all the broken stuff that night, the photos of all the naked people from his phone, the crazy texts and emails he sent afterward. The holes still in our walls from him. It amazes me that someone can lie that much.

Thanks for continuing to support me and my kids. I'll keep updating here.

Pity party, table of 1.

Holy smokes! The line about taking the only man in their lives just has the sound of boo-hoo-hoo behind it.

Stay strong, KB.

These people are sick. The way WH is makes a lot of sense now. They've been doing that to him his whole life. Not that that excuses his behavior as an adult, but it sure shows me where many of his issues came from.

Wow, so we all knew that STXWH was a total mess, but now we know that the apple doesn't fall from the fucked up tree. I'm sorry that you have to deal with the entire paternal lineage of your children being total nutjobs, but I'm also quite sad for your children. Your children are innocent and should not have to be brought into this drama and mess any further, but the insistence of your in-laws and your WH in throwing them into the middle of it is downright evil. I don't think you can legally keep your in-laws from ever seeing your children, but it is clear that their influence on your children will only make this current situation worse, but the scarier part is continued exposure to them could be very harmful longer term. I mean, I don't say this flippantly, but I see a future of therapy for your children well into adulthood.

Continued strength to you as your navigate these difficult waters.

Thank you Bor. Yesterday was the first supervised visit for the kids. My 9 year old son started crying before begging me not to make him go. One of the women at the office told him she would stay with him the whole time. The counselor called me afterwards to tell me the visit went pretty good and he thinks this will be a good environment for visits for the next little while. I picked the kids up and the lady told me it went pretty well and they will be in touch to schedule another appointment. The kids said the visit went well.

On our way home we stopped at a dollar store to get the kids a drink. The older kids and my niece went in to get them, and my mom and myself stayed outside with the smaller kids. I was standing outside of the car by the front entrance. My mom said "watch out behind you". I turned around and there was WH pulling in. I jumped in the car backseat and watched the door of the store. My mom got out to start walking in as the kids were still inside. WH walked to the front door shaking his head. He stopped and turned around and went back to his car and left. He was obviously agitated. The kids came out and said they saw daddy and he said he had to leave bc we are there. (Oop). At that moment he drove past us and flipped me off. My oldest daughter saw it as well as me and my mom. I didn't say anything and we just drove home. Today I'm getting emails from him and he's posting on social media about how evil I am, and all his flying monkeys are eating it right up. I still haven't heard from the counselor so I'm not sure if something transpired there that the kids aren't aware of.

I have had many emotions throughout this whole thing. I've wondered if I'm doing the right thing many times. It seems the entire problem has always been WHs inability, or lack of effort, to control himself. His actions in December. His actions since despite the Order of Protection. And then him flipping me off in front of the kids. I'm not trying to hurt him. I actually pray he finds peace. I've always just wanted to make sure that my kids are safe. It seems 6 months later he is still blaming me. He has a deep hate for me that just seems to keep growing over time. I'll keep updating. Thanks for listening and thanks for the support.