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We began in house separation while he looks for a new place to live. I stayed at a friend's house this week - giving us both some physical separation. The hardest part for me is coming to terms with not having him in my life anymore. He was my go to person to celebrate and mourn; now I'm mourning us - alone. It's so hard. I have friends and family to support me, but it's not the same.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:25 AM, Sunday, November 27th]

IHS sucks. When you've been together a long time, it's hard to start new patterns of behavior. You can do it, but it isn't easy.

ETA: A YouTube video on trauma bonding by Dr Ramani helped me understand why it was so difficult to disconnect from my XWH. Not saying you're trauma bonded, but it might be helpful.

[This message edited by leafields at 3:08 AM, Sunday, November 27th]

It’s just hard. Your lives are so intertwined and so much of the habits that we build our lives around are built around our spouse. The things that help are to remind yourself why you’re separating and that he is not the person you thought he was. And to give it time, but it takes more time to get through this and to break those habits. When you aren’t with him, notice the quiet the peace, the weight lifted from your shoulders. You’ll still feel the sorrow and the loneliness may be, but you’ll also see that there’s something very pleasant and peaceful.

Hang in there. And I hope you can get out of in-house separation soon.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 8:12 AM, Sunday, November 27th]

Hurtbs

I’m going through this mourning and it’s no easier even when he is in a different country. I thought it would be easier and some days it feels like it is but I’m kidding myself.

Today was one of those hard days. I have been gathering all his things for when he arrives on Friday to collect some of them. I came across our photos of our wedding renewal in Antigua 5 years ago. I looked at them and just felt so sad. The questions "why WS did you have to do it?, why didn’t you fight for me/us? and a million others all came to mind again and the tears flowed.

I get what you mean about friends not being the same. I have my mum here until tomorrow and as much as we talk about everything and I know all the rational things like it wasn’t my fault, he made his choice, he’s a coward, I can’t control him I can only control me etc etc, it doesn’t help. I just miss him being around (the old him I thought I knew). I want him to tell him everything like I used to, to muck about in the pool with a bat and ball, to just sit together and have a hug and realise just how lucky we were but he chose his AP and walked out, I remind myself of that fact to ground me again.

When we/I moved to Spain in January it was the first time in my life I had ever lived on my own. Honestly, I liked it when he was in the UK working. I had never had time for me before but it was very different being on your own knowing someone will be back in x days to knowing that they won’t.

Im building my new life here slowly and I’m sure you will too. I appreciate everything around me, tonight I looked up at the stars and just thought wow! Just take it a day at a time and don’t beat yourself up about anything.

Think I might take a look at the Trauma bonding on YouTube now. Most things I see or read at the moment help in some way.

Good luck, we will get there in the end, one day it won’t hurt so much.