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Newest Member: Beschaedigt

Just Found Out :
I’m so done!

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 Imsodone (original poster new member #82447) posted at 9:29 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

Hi all. I was on this site about 12 years ago. My ex husband of 30 years had been cheating. In addition to being an abusive narcissist. This site saved my sanity.
Flash forward to the past 9 months. The guy I was so in love with during high school looked me up. We were thick as thieves ever since. He wanted to get married, the whole bit.
Long story short I caught him sexting other women.
He told me about this in the beginning but said he had stopped when we started dating. I confronted him this morning. He tried to deny it. I sent him screenshots of his convo with one woman. It was very explicit so he couldn’t deny it. He tried the whole," I told her I was in a relationship so it’s not cheating ". Lmao did the rules change?!
I’ve gone no contact , but I feel terrible. I thought he was the one. I thought we had a future together. It seemed like kismet at the start now, I just don’t know.
Any words of comfort or advice?
Thanks

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2022
id 8766503
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 9:37 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

The only comfort that I have to offer is that you now know what is in front of you, as opposed to the first time that you were ever hit with infidelity. You have knowledge and power today that you didn't have many years ago.

You can use this to guide yourself forward. Sorry that you are back here.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4122   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8766505
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justanotherperson ( new member #82218) posted at 9:40 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

Sorry you are here.

It all boils down to what you want for your life. Unfortunately you already have infidelity experience, and being on that boat again is hard.

Going by the past experience ask yourself what do you want for yourself? Nothing better than having that backup "expertize". Do you want someone who is loyal and respects you or someone who right from the start shows he may not be respecful towards you?

Only you can answer those questions.

You can't make him change who he is and who he wants to be. He needs to want to be that person to you. Willingly. It seems he does not want that at the moment.

Grab hand of your experience. And if need be, run as fast as you can - before things get even harder.

Or maybe, confront. Implement bondaries and look for the actions. Although the starting point does not seem too promising it seems.

All the best to you. You will be ok whatever your decision is.

[This message edited by justanotherperson at 9:44 PM, Wednesday, November 23rd]

"It can't rain all the time."

posts: 50   ·   registered: Oct. 23rd, 2022   ·   location: O´Porto
id 8766506
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BreakingBad ( member #75779) posted at 10:16 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

It was very explicit so he couldn’t deny it. He tried the whole," I told her I was in a relationship so it’s not cheating ". Lmao did the rules change?!


"I told her I was in a relationship...."
That's rich!
What he knows he failed to do is to tell you he was in another relationship.

I'm so, so sorry that this has happened to you again. A sign of how prevalent cheating is, I guess--especially when electronics make it so accessible 24/7.

Not all men are cheaters. Many are good at commitment.

Sorry you have to use your past experience to heal again! But you do know the path better this time.

"Don't you love it, don't you love it?No, I ain't happy yet.But I'm way less sad."[Credit to group AJR]

Me=BW; fWH=online affairs with 3 APs over 2.5-3 yrsBoth in IC & MCMarried 31 yrs now2 kids-both in HSAttempting R

posts: 286   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2020
id 8766512
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Greto ( new member #80904) posted at 3:40 AM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

This is so common it makes me sick. I hate technology for these reasons. I think it makes me detach from reality so much they fail to see what they are actually doing.

I am so sorry he did that to you, it really isn't fair.

posts: 39   ·   registered: Sep. 9th, 2022   ·   location: Sandusky, Ohio
id 8766539
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 Imsodone (original poster new member #82447) posted at 5:48 AM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Thanks for replying.
I’m just so sad and angry at being played yet again.
I really thought he was the one. Especially since we were good friends in high school.
I seem to attract narcissists and alcoholics. I guess now I’ll add sex addict to the list.
I was happy single before he came back into my life. I know I’ll be happy again- being single.
I’m almost 60 and way to tired of the bs.
I’m done, but I’m good.
Thanks again 🙂

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2022
id 8766544
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