So an update, it's not totally infidelity related this time but still a punch in the gut. Those of you who know my story, well, she didn't come crawling back, but she came waltzing by, I guess you can say. She called about some divorce paper questions, and we ended up talking for a few hours then she was driving by so stopped by to talk more and see the dog.
She basically said she realized over the past few weeks that the age gap (her 28, AP 20) is too big, and he has other issues, shes coming out of the affair fog, blah blah, so she's backing off that whole affair.
So, I thought, maybe this is my chance at R, should I so want it. She then goes on to tell me that even though shes backing off with AP, she wants to try dating other people. Still doesn't want R with me, she wants to still "find herself" and "see what's out there". Her phone was buzzing non stop the whole time with dating app notifications. She went on to tell me how many d*ck pics she was getting and how it was crazy how many guys just wanted sex or how some wanted long term relationships instantly blah blah. She said she would love to be friends for now and MAYBE something MIGHT happen down the road, but she really just needs to try the dating world.
Still no big apology about the affair either.
Now, had she just divorced me without the affair, and said all that above about wanting to see what's out there and date, OK, we are humans and have a propensity to look for better/upgrade/hypergamy whatever you want to call it. I would have to just suck it up and say alright, that is your right and choice, good luck.
It still is, obviously, her right to date, but it just feels like a double gut punch that she first had an affair, broke my heart, made me feel second choice, and I was on here saying it was sad that I didn't even get the begging and pleading a lot of you BS's get, she just left me for him.....and now that the AP is flicking out, she STILL didn't come groveling back to me and I'm STILL back burner/second choice. It's a huge hit to my ego and really getting to me.
I told her I'd have to think about being friends, as much as I want the chance to R with her, I don't think I could be friends with her knowing she's dating other people, it would feel like the pain I felt after I found out about the affair and she stopped hiding AP from me all over again, and I can't just be a safety net.