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WW we’re divorced June 10th. I’ve remained in the marital home per the divorce agreement and will be closing on my new home on the 2nd. My WW is a covert narc/ serial cheater and for many years liked and cheated. Probably our entire marriage. There have been moments even now where she is down right cruel and spiteful. I keep it civil and as cordial as I can . We have two kids together and joint spilt 50/50 physical custody. She has offered to help me set up my new place a few times and I said no thank you. She also asked if I wanted to go to Disney with her and the kids and I gently said no thank you. I walk on egg shells around her. Do my question is would I be wrong for not letting her step foot in my new house? I really don’t want her toxicity anywhere near me or my life. I also don’t want to set a bad example for our kids. I will go above and beyond to coparent well but I just can’t stomach the idea of her in my new home.

A good space is your safe place. Don’t let her "contaminate it". It is your place, your refuge, your retreat.

You do not need to let her in. Ever.
(I mean kid emergency maybe, but not for drop offs or anything).

Good luck on the closing on the 2nd and congrats early on getting out of IHS.

You are divorced. Your home is your safe space and it would certainly be wise to start to draw boundaries with your exWW. You should not be walking on eggshells around her. You are divorced and there is no need to worry about her reactions. If she gets upset when you set boundaries: tough! She is taking your cordiality as weakness and she will push your boundaries. It is one thing to be civil with your lying, cheating EX, and to cooperate for the good of the children when necessary, but being cordial is a bridge too far for me. You are trying to heal from her betrayals. As little contact as needed and gray rock is warranted. Focus on you and your children, and your future. She is a toxic and destructive force. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 10:07 PM, August 22nd (Monday)]

She’s not your friend. You owe her nothing.

And there is nothing wrong with keeping her out of your new home.

It’s called "boundaries". Maybe she should look it up in the dictionary 🤣🤣

What you describe is very typical of people that divorce. I don’t have any data, but I even think it’s more common from the instigator of the divorce or the reason for divorce.
Like your wife. She cheated. We all know – she included – that it’s something that one shouldn’t do and is a very valid reason for divorce. Only it’s better for her to maintain that she cheated because the marriage was doomed anyways and it wasn’t really so bad because she and Beagle still visit and have coffee and do Thanksgiving together and all that…

In reality – if there were no kids – most people simply drift away… If amicable enough then maybe if you see your ex five years from now you might catch up, or maybe just pretend you didn’t notice her. I haven’t seen my ex in person for over 20 years and probably wouldn’t recognize her if I did.

You need some relationship due to the kids. It’s better that is amicable, but it’s OK for it not to be so right now. It’s OK to tell her that you want distance to heal. It’s OK to meet in public spaces to discuss child-issues, it’s OK for hand-overs to be at school or no deeper into the homes than the foyer. Maybe 12 – 24 months from now things might change. But it’s highly unlikely that you two will ever bond as friends.

I told my children our safe space was the boundaries of our property.

Never let her into your new space. You can do kid drop offs at her place or she can get them at the road.

Of course she’s gonna pout bc she wants everything her way. Show your children you can’t be pushed around.

My XW and I had no relationship whatsoever. There were a handful of phone calls when NECESSARY regarding kid issues, but neither of us set foot inside the others home post D. I have stepped on her porch during exchanges, but that was it.

We were so different, we didn’t even co-parent, but parented separately, and FTR, both are successful contributing members of society with grounded grandchildren and intact first M’s.

Also, although she originally got physical custody, both came to live with me as soon as the courts would recognize their wishes.

So don’t buy into the BS that you need to remain cordial in order to effectively co-parent. There are many ways to be an effective father without sacrificing your own core beliefs.