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How do I leave a serial cheater?


 brokensoul2 (original poster new member #80299) posted at 4:10 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

[This message edited by brokensoul2 at 4:14 AM, Friday, August 5th]

posts: 1   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2022
id 8748269

ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 6:11 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

1. Meet with 3 or so lawyers, compare their advice and recommendated next steps.
2. Hire one of those lawyers, if necessary, and get all your ducks in a row.
3. When you're ready, either file for divorce (if you're married), or do what you need to do to get them to legally vacate where you live and/or move out to your own place.

"I will survive, hey, hey!"

posts: 2022   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2018
id 8748274

The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 6:42 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

You put together an exit plan.

Start by making sure all your assets are in your name alone. Get your own bank account the cheater has no access to.

Start building up a savings account.

Cancel joint credit cards if possible. Pay them off and cancel. Have credit cards in your name alone.

Interview lawyers.

Get the cheater out of your home.

Have a good counselor for yourself.

Go no contact with the cheater as much as possible.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12308   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8748275

Seeking2Forgive ( member #78819) posted at 6:46 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

I'm sorry that your WH is putting you through this, brokensoul2. I'm sorry that you felt a need to delete your story after all that work getting it out. I hope it was at least helpful to write it out.

The first step is convincing yourself that you deserve better, which you do. Please know that you can be happy again without your WH. Whatever feelings you still have for him, he is a toxic influence in your life.

Read the resources in the Healing Library focusing on the "180." Start focusing on your emotional and mental health and start planning a future for yourself. Get into IC to help you deal with the trauma of these repeated betrayals. Meet with a lawyer and start implementing your plan for a new life free from infidelity.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Seeking2Forgive at 6:47 AM, Friday, August 5th]

Me: 60, BS -- Her: 59, FWS -- Dday: 11/15/03 -- Married 37 yrs -- Reconciled

posts: 419   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2021
id 8748277

homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 11:16 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

First, you’ll never be able to convince him that he’s wrong and you deserve to move on.
So, in Alanon I learned you block him out of your mind and do what you need to do for you. Try to get support from people who support you -a counselor, people here, friends/family, etc. I called the domestic violence center in my city and they said emotional abuse is domestic violence and they offered basically free counseling. Btw being cheated on and the emotional trauma to you is emotional abuse.

Also if you drink, etc, stop right away so that you are clearheaded.

If you are married secretly see an atty (or 2 or 3) to learn your options. I did, and it stopped the round and round thinking because the attorneys were so logical. They told me exactly how the D would work, what a judge would do to protect my children and me, how much support I would have, that I could stay in my H insurance!!!- for 18 months at the company rate, ( this is a federal law), and the kids could get on Medicaid.

Keep posting here, many of us have been where you are now.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5422   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8748303

The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:05 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

A good friend left a narc serial cheater.

She is far happier in her life now than for most of her marriage.

The H cheated before they married and all through the marriage. She looked back and realized she never should have married him.

But she got out.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12308   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8748312

crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:40 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

I was with a serial cheater for 25 years and leaving him was the best thing I have ever done for myself. My happiness is priceless. You can do it. One foot in front of the other until you get there. Consult an attorney, save money and get a job if you need to, quit drinking if you drink, get into therapy, surround yourself with supportive friends and family and lean on them. I'm rooting for you. If I could do it anyone can do it. I let fear hold me back for too long and that's all it was.. was fear. There is so much better on the other side of this.

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
Was Married 19 yrs
DD(19) DS(16)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8290   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8748416
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