Actually my Therapist told me that I've done all I can several months ago, but I've kept insisting for keep trying... until now. I don't want to go into details but my Therapist suggested that I need to leave because how I've been treated by BS would be considered as abusive.
That may indeed be the case, I'm in no position to determine that. However, I will tell you that my therapist told me the very same thing(s). The advice I'll share with you is that therapy is something you have to take a holistic look at. Your therapist isn't wrong... everyone in the marriage is now working their way through heavy trauma coupled with a lack of safety and a fear of the unknown. Your spouse is angry, and hurt, and devalued, and humiliated. The yelling and screaming and crying and blaming that comes at the WS after infidelity certainly can be, and often is, abusive by nature. All that arguing and anger and the accusations and so on... it's abusive. But it's also life. It's how things work. And our spouses have every right and every reason in the world to feel that way. The thing we have to remember is that, we, the WS's, were abusive first. What we did, by cheating, and lying, and living a double life, IS abusive as hell. Our spouses respond abusively because we treated them abusively.
I want to point that out, because your IC's job is to watch out for YOU, not for your spouse or your marriage. When we go into IC every single week and tell them that things at home are hard, that our spouses are angry all the time, fly off the handle at nothing, call us names, keep bringing up what we did wrong and maybe even throwing some plates across the room, then our IC's have nothing else to go on. From that description, yeah, sounds abusive to me too. Get out.
Let me tell you what I discovered however. Once time passed, and I had a chance to really work on myself, and once we each made enough progress within ourselves to start really working on R together, my entire viewpoint of how things went down the way they did, and why, changed. The "fog brain" of wayward-dom changes everything we see and hear, and the way we perceive things in that state, is not always reflective of reality. During my affair, I had it in my head that my somehow hated me, didn't want me, and that she was mean to me and to everyone else. If you were to meet my wife, you'd realize that nothing is further from the truth. In fact, she's very empathetic and will walk through hot coals to help someone she loves. But in those months after D-day, all I could see was her anger. All I could feel was her blame and hate. It fed into that faulty narrative that I had created of her. It wasn't that she was abusive, it was that I had to see her as abusive in order to absolve myself of my own guilt. In other words, if she was a horrible wife, then in my mind, I could claim that what I did was somehow justified.
Obviously, although that same therapist did me the most good of any of them, I did not take her advice when she told me my wife was abusive and to get out. I'm glad I did not. I can look back now and tell you that my wife made every single, possible attempt to get me back, to keep us together, to sacrifice for me and for the kids, to do nothing but love me. She wasn't abusive, she was hurt, I was the abusive one.
I can't really comment too much on the living situation. There are pros and cons to it. Just make sure that whatever agreement you come to, that you can live with it.