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Divorce/Separation :
So tomorrow is my wedding anniversary

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 BetterTimesAhead (original poster member #70001) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

18 years, the last six of which were turbulent. The ones before that weren't the greatest either. D is still pending, no settlement yet. This is the first year I am not upset about it since D-Day, and the first one since I filed for D. Progress I guess. I am going to a morning yoga class and will probably then get a bubble tea, treat myself to dinner. It will be weird not mentioning it at all. It was such an important day for so long and now it's one I'd rather forget. Going to give it new meaning now - getting my life back.

Me: BS - 54 Him: WH - 55 DDAY: 2/22/2019 - Three year EA and PA Filed for D 9/2021***************An apology without the action to back it up is just manipulation.

posts: 672   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: US
id 8741978
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:45 AM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

Sounds like a good plan. Make the day your survival day and take care of you. And it does sound like progress.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4886   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8741981
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 5:05 AM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

Liberation day is coming. Soon you'll get to celebrate that.

posts: 454   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8742001
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hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 11:04 AM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

Tomorrow is my anniversary as well. Divorced after 35 years married. Now, after 5 years divorced it means nothing to me. Except I dont think I will ever forget the last one married. He wished me a happy anniversary during false reconciliation. I knew it was false, he didnt know I knew. I was so angry he had the balls to even mention it to me. Later that day, I copied some bits and pieces of our vows and sent them to him. Didnt expect a response and didnt get one.

Be kind to yourself and know you lived those vows to the end.

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 715   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8742011
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Honeybun ( new member #80350) posted at 4:59 PM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

My anniversary was last Tuesday. I took the day off of work and spent it with my daughter. We went to a very nice restaurant for dinner. Somewhere I had always wanted to try. I try to look at it as a new start. I have only been separated from him since April 10th, the day I found out he was sleeping with men!

posts: 5   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2022   ·   location: Maryland
id 8742042
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 BetterTimesAhead (original poster member #70001) posted at 9:20 PM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

Thank you all for the words of encouragement.

hcsv, I appreciate the look into your post-D life. I hope I am doing as well at that point. I understand about the false reconciliation. For three anniversaries I tried and got the impression he was going to try but looking back he never was. He just wanted to placate me so we could live as a family (he wants that for our son). I don't think that's healthy and after not being able to take it anymore, I filed in Sept. 2021. It is a slow process and his behavior towards me just seems to get worse.

I am sorry to hear about your situation Honeybun. No matter who they are cheating on you with, it always hurts. I wish I could go somewhere with my son, but my STBXH took him and a friend somewhere. I am assuming he is just the ride for my son and his friend, but who knows. He inserts himself quite easily into other's lives and business. I could be wrong. They've been gone for about four hours now. But I will treat myself to something for dinner because I am not cooking today!

Me: BS - 54 Him: WH - 55 DDAY: 2/22/2019 - Three year EA and PA Filed for D 9/2021***************An apology without the action to back it up is just manipulation.

posts: 672   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: US
id 8742068
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HomieAintRight ( new member #79903) posted at 7:02 AM on Saturday, July 23rd, 2022

I celebrated what would have been my 15 year anniversary with my daughters. We got dressed up & went out to a nice restaurant, then we went shopping.

They are the best that came out of the marital union & I plan to celebrate the day that way from now on.

Choosing to see the blessing in the midst of the heartache & pain. I refuse to be the bitter, angry person he tried to turn me into!! I will be who God created me to be despite what this person did to me & his daughters.

Looking back on last year - I was the only one who planned something to celebrate our anniversary. He spent the day on the phone with his mistress. I’m so thankful to no longer be the fool living a lie.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2022   ·   location: United States
id 8745996
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 5:36 PM on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

It is a slow process and his behavior towards me just seems to get worse.

Yes, the general rule is that the quality of treatment they gave you when together is the quality of treatment you'll get during and after divorce. Cheating is pretty poor treatment (as is reconciling under false pretenses) and they tend to be equally selfish post-divorce. No inspiring words to say about that except that it's to be expected and you're not alone. You're doing great. Keep on moving forward.

posts: 454   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8747035
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 BetterTimesAhead (original poster member #70001) posted at 12:46 AM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

Thank you for the support. I was surprisingly unemotional on my anniversary and am trying to look forward. I filed for D 10 months ago and it is such a slow process. I keep hoping he will be reasonable but he keeps slinging threats at me which indicate he wants a trial (which takes YEARS around here). I hope it is just more manipulation in his attempt to get his way with the settlement. I am not falling for it. I know what is fair and equitable and if he chooses not to be reasonable I guess we are going to trial. I have been too nice to him so far (as far as my attorney is concerned) and if he is not going to be reasonable and settle then things will change. I am just trying to move forward and get on with my life and I don't know why he doesn't seem to be in a rush to do the same.

Me: BS - 54 Him: WH - 55 DDAY: 2/22/2019 - Three year EA and PA Filed for D 9/2021***************An apology without the action to back it up is just manipulation.

posts: 672   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: US
id 8748096
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fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 6:09 AM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

BTA:

I am very sorry your D process is dragging on. You are coming up on eleven months since you filed.

Sending you positive vibes. I hope you have excellent support with friends and family. None of us are perfect, but you do not deserve any of this emotional abuse. Never forget that you are the prize. Tune him out as much as possible until the D is done. Stick to your guns and get what you are legally entitled to in your D. Your WH is the King of DARVO. What a jerk. Normal people cannot fathom someone who just gets a kick out of being mean, cruel and vindictive. I know this type all too well. They can be charming when they want to be, but underneath is a mean, abusive person.

Gray rock.

Sending strength. Good luck.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3211   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8748112
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