Yes, the whole thing is so frustrating- 
In a time where a person needs support and direction so badly, it’s very frustrating not to be able to get the help you need. And I think we are at a disadvantage simply by the nature of the situation that we are in. We’re in such a bad place with the infidelity, that is very hard to be discerning enough to pick the right IC or MC.
And the fact that I have been to several MC and have never truly felt supported or even not blamed for what happened with my husband. For his cheating. That’s really tough.
Some of you seem so capable of characterizing your IC as ineffective, or incapable. That’s really hard for me, because in the aftermath of the affair, and even way down the road, I’m not sure if I am able to correctly evaluate if it’s the counselor or me.
When we went to one MC and she told me that I was dwelling on the infidelity too much…that my H was just temporarily insane and I should move past it… I knew in my heart that was wrong. But there was something nagging in the back of my mind, wondering if I was really going crazy, and maybe she was right. When we got dinner after that particular session, I asked my husband how he thinks it was going. He mumbled something because he is a very poor communicator and he is TOTALLY conflict avoidant. I said I felt she was being hard on me and even he agreed. 
I think she was just going through the motions with us, and I think she was more concerned with getting one in the "win" column rather than actually helping us through it. This makes more sense to me now, in light of what someone posted earlier… That in MC, the marriage is the client. I definitely need to speak with someone who is on my team exclusively…tough love and all
At this point, so far down the road, my husband is certainly not actively cheating. To my knowledge he has not since my initial discovery. And I am not still acutely discombobulated by the whole thing.
What I am dealing with now is how, because the whole mess was never healed, or even dealt with at all, the whole experience has affected our marriage, and also very importantly, it has changed me.
Even this far out, when I should have worked at it, and put it behind me, I feel I am such a changed person. I am not innocent anymore. I’m not really happy anymore. I find my health is failing me. Sometimes I worry that the beginning of dementia is happening to me because I can’t think of words or put thoughts together.
So IC at this point would certainly involve the infidelity that happened, but would be more focused on how that experience has altered to the rest of my life, and what I can do to minimize that affect from this point forward.
I sure do appreciate all of your comments and suggestions and help. When the resources are available, I look forward to trying to find someone that could have a positive impact on my life.
Thanks again.
