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Divorce/Separation :
Got the keys for my new apartment!


 papoula (original poster member #39079) posted at 7:54 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Finally got the keys for new apartment this weekend. I wasn't having a very good day when we went to get the keys. WH had to co-sign the lease so he had to go with me. I was feeling really really sad, but today I'm a little better.

I have a lot of work ahead of me. Move everything, organize and make the place a home.

Interesting things happened recently. WH started to treat me really nice so I new something was up. He never treats me nice unless he wants something. I believe it was because he just got the news that his son that lives with us will start a new job far away with lots of traveling which means WH will be watching our toddler granddaughter on his own a lot and he probably wants my help. I love my granddaughter to death but I will not be used by him as a babysitter when he needs a break.

Another interesting development, WH had a family member working at his company. He was the one that got her this job last year but it turned out she was an awful employee and she just got fired. I believe this made him look really bad there although it isn't really his fault. The OW he is having an EA was using his family member as a way to get close to WH. I noticed that a while ago that she was forcing a friendship upon her and when I heard that she was fired I secretly laughed so hard.

Also the OW will be moved to another company location in about a month. She will be in the same town but a totally different location. They will be probably visiting each other's location but they won't be at the same location anymore which also made me laugh secretly.

Another new thing is that WH will be receiving a very large amount of money as a gift. This money was supposed to be an inheritance but now it will be part of sort of a trust and and he will get it as a gift from my understanding. I don't believe I have any right to this money but I'm thinking about to speak to a lawyer about it to make sure. But even if I have any part on this money it kind feels wrong for me to have any part on it. I don't know.

[This message edited by papoula at 12:08 AM, Monday, May 9th]

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 141   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8734234

Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 8:59 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Congrats on the progress and the key to your own place.

As far as any gifts to STBXWH, in most states, at least in mine I know, any inheritance or such gift remains separate property unless the person chooses to share it ("comingle" the funds) on marital expenses. My SAWH inherited money years ago during our bad times, and was told by his family not to let me know. I didn't know about it for 5 years, but later, he chose to pay down our joint mortgages with some of it. My lawyer said his doing that made the funds he used to pay down our mortgage become "marital."The other part remains separate.

[This message edited by Superesse at 9:04 PM, Sunday, May 8th]

posts: 1447   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8734244

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:56 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Congratulations on the keys. It will feel like home soon- and soooo peaceful.

Best of luck as you organize and move!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8734253

 papoula (original poster member #39079) posted at 1:22 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

I think the inheritance/gift in my state stays separate as well and I'm ok with that. The thing about this is that I can't believe how freaking lucky he is. He is a lier, cheater, awful and disgusting POS and he gets this huge pile of money. Is just not fair.

I can't wait to be able to move to my new place. Today it was another bad day. Staying in the same house with my WH it just creates more and more pain. I have to get out of here as soon as possible.

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 141   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8734457

Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 1:54 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Ah, but I consider you luckier. Once you can finally get away from him, get some distance, and truly go NC... that freedom and peace of mind is priceless.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8734462

 papoula (original poster member #39079) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

I cannot wait to move to my new place and start NC.

I'm hoping NC will help me. We'll see.

Yesterday I was extremely sad. When I feel like this I get really worried about falling into a deep depression like I have once before.

My hope is that the move and getting everything done will keep me busy.

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 141   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8734580

little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 2:43 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

Hey papoula!

How's the move going?

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5490   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8735531

leafields ( member #63517) posted at 6:41 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

Will you have time to do some volunteer work? Our local humane society lets people take the dogs out for walks. I volunteer to clean the cat habitat for a local rescue here, and get to have all kinds of kitty loves while I'm there.

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8735564

 papoula (original poster member #39079) posted at 10:41 AM on Friday, May 20th, 2022

It's been two weeks since I got the keys. Moving has been slow because I'm doing everything on my own. I had WH help me carry a few large and heavy items that I couldn't carry by myself but other than that it's been all me and it's a lot. I work full time so I've been moving things a lot but of a time everyday after work.
Right now I'm just moving things from point A to point B. I haven't had a chance to organize or put anything in order so the place is a complete mess packed with stuff and boxes everywhere. This whole process have been very overwhelming but I keep pushing it forward. It's hard to do everything by myself, things take a lot longer and you have to be extremely patient.
I haven't slept any nights there yet. I need to move a few more lights, find a shower curtain, set up a bed and move a window AC unit there before I can spend nights there. Should happen soon. Patience is my new life.

WH continuous to be "nicer" to me. I guess he might be happy that divorce is coming soon or he is trying to be nice so I will help him with care for our granddaughter. I don't know. The way our relationship is right now isn't good and I'm very lost. I've been acting like nothing happened because I need his help with lots of things and because I don't have anyone else in case I need anything. Also because I want the Divorce to go well but I don't want to be nice, I wish I didn't need him at all. I guess he might be doing the same, being nice because he needs me. I don't know. I'm hoping moving out and the physical distancing will help with this.

I also think he may be believing that we will be best buddies after the divorce and we will be hanging out like nothing happened. He is absolutely incorrect about that but I can't tell him that. He will have to see it as time goes on.

Living in the same house and not having any friends or family put me in this kind of limbo in
our relationship. But things WILL change. I'm working on it. The pace is slow but steady.

About the OW I have no idea what is going on. I know that things are still very much the same for them, meaning that things haven't evolved to "real life". It continues to be only at work and when outside of work texting probably because he is home all the time and all weekend. I still don't know what he wants from this relationship with her. Also she should be moving from another location soon.

I would love to do some volunteer work. I'll have to see what free time I have left after my new life settles down.

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 141   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8736106
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