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Divorce/Separation :
She always gets what she wants

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 LonelyHolidays (original poster member #79775) posted at 8:59 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

I’m at a brewery alone on my birthday weekend. My sixteen year old son is at my STBX and AP big Kentucky Derby party. It seems like a middle finger to me to have a big expensive party and have my son go today. She’s unapologetic though and even my twenty year old admits he will probably call her back soon. He is away at college and feels she has been awful but she has always followed her decisions and never second guesses. I hope by my next birthday I won’t speak to her much. I can feel myself losing any love I had and just think of her confused as to how she has no empathy or self reflection. Even if she stopped her feelings for me it sucks my son was crying last weekend and I believe it has a lot to do with her sudden leaving us. Because he needs his mom he is at her expensive party she can’t afford while I am bored and bewildered at what happened. He admitted he didn’t really even want to go but went with his girlfriend. She’s a different person than I thought now. Every weekend is another trip or camping or party. The fun never ends in her life. I heard the AP has a PS5 from my son. Like 1000 dollars I know she paid. What is the void this woman is trying to fill and why is this moron AP her solution to her life? Life is confusing lately.

Tired of her games. BH. Married 20 years. 2 sons 16 and 20. Going through divorce since September, 2021.

posts: 85   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Santa Rosa
id 8734120
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DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 9:17 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Gosh life after infidelity suck so much

It seems like the cheaters go onto live a better life while the betrayed struggle just to survive.

I am sorry you are spending your bday weekend alone

Your cheating wife sucked so much joy and life out of you

But don’t allow her to rob your will to survive and thrive

Things suck big time for you right now but I have to believe they will get better with time.

I, too, spend every single day alone while my xWH travels the world with the AP and stays at fancy resorts.

As I type this now, he’s probably at some luxury hotel with her, laughing, having fun, and planning their next vacation.

Life ain’t fair

Sometimes bad things happen to good people like you and me

But I truly truly believe there is justice in the world

I’ve said this before but one can’t hurt another human being and get away with it.

Every person is precious. No one has the right to destroy another person in ways cheaters do.

You stay strong and do things that bring you joy. Enjoy that glass of cold ale!!!

Allow time to heal your broken heart.

[This message edited by DailyGratitude at 9:18 PM, Saturday, May 7th]

Me: BW mid 50’s
Him: WH late 50’s
Marrried 25 years
Dday: EA 2002
PA 9/2021
Divorce 10/2021 (per wh’s request)
WH left to be with AP

posts: 217   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8734121
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:51 AM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Happy birthday!

Don’t believe all that you see. They are not building a solid foundation. This is a house of cards.

I’m sorry your son isn’t there— that is a hard truth about D. But you can learn to make the time without your kids "your time". Go to the gym, take a class, pick up a hobby, get a pet… find other ways to explore being you, the new today you.


And speaking from experience, don’t let the alcohol be the new hobby. It did not serve me well, even when I thought it did.

Hang in there. A new year, a new you.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8734168
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 9:57 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

My sixteen year old son is at my STBX and AP big Kentucky Derby party. It seems like a middle finger to me to have a big expensive party and have my son go today.

{snip}

I heard the AP has a PS5 from my son. Like 1000 dollars I know she paid.

You know, when you reframe that, your ex is having to bribe and cajole her sons into spending time with her and it's apparently costing her quite a bit of cash. As you know, kids are distracted by their friends and their own pursuits at this age. So, she's NOT going to be able to keep their attention no matter how much she spends. Kids lose interest in us at this age and don't really "come back" to us until they're in their thirties. That's just the nature of parenting for most of us.

Your job is to just keep on being the sane parent, the one who checks in, the one who has time, the one who understands what they're going through, and... the one who sets an example for who they want to be one day. That last part means building a new life and not letting this trauma define you. Resilience is another lesson we can teach our kids; how to roll, how to bounce. You can do this. It sucks to have to, but you are a great dad, and this is just part of being a great dad.

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5429   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8734254
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funnelcakes ( member #45249) posted at 6:28 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Hey LonelyHolidays,

Happy Birthday! Glad you found a way to mark it.

As far as her getting what she wants, it sounds she's buying a LOT of attention It's not like anyone else was going to set up a whole Mothers Day thing for her, so she had to jockey for airtime by being a triple crown attention-seeker.

This is painful...and the first year with seeing her new patterns can feel like the unending fuckening. Remember that this is ornamental and not functional...kinda like a Kentucky Derby hat.

No investment in your own well-being will be a bad choice. Eyes up. You got this.

d-day in August of 2014, when I was SAHM 34 weeks pregnant with kid #3
A year of incontinent alcoholic cheater word salad and shitweasely blameshifting during R/S
I got a job and busted a move with three kids to a 1BR apt
D final 4/27/17.

posts: 1168   ·   registered: Oct. 15th, 2014
id 8734302
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 LonelyHolidays (original poster member #79775) posted at 2:35 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes and encouragement. Special occasions are an adjustment for me still but I will try hard to remain strong and move forward. It feels sometimes like life will never actually feel fun and positive again at times but I know it will. I appreciate it!

Tired of her games. BH. Married 20 years. 2 sons 16 and 20. Going through divorce since September, 2021.

posts: 85   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Santa Rosa
id 8734340
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