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Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 5:16 PM on Tuesday, July 12th, 2022
W2BHA, I get it. I completely understand. Our lizard brains will automatically associate traumatic events with the particular time of year during which they occurred. D-day for me was on an Easter Sunday, which meant very little to me at the time, not being a religious man. However, it was also the first day of the NHL Play-offs, which has meant a great deal to me since I can remember. (Let's Go Blues!!!)
You're going to have triggers each May. That's perfectly clear. What's also clear, at least to me, is that you go through this process of ruminating on the past every single year, creating a tradition that I'd imagine has now become difficult to avoid. I've encouraged you in the past to put all of this in the past. Next year, I hope, you'll do something completely different and be amazed at the difference it creates in your life.
Married 2005D-Day April, 2015Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 7:21 PM on Tuesday, July 12th, 2022
Unhinged...that is too funny . Easter Sunday is HUGE here...we get to pock eggs and everything !! But all I know about hockey is that it is played on ice with skates that I don't know how in the world ANYONE can stand up on...much less SKATE!! Cajuns and ice skates are NOT a good combination !! There was a hockey team in NOLA once...the Brass I believe? It didn't last very long down here. It doesn't seem like we're related at all Lil Bro !!
I do get your point though...and it IS true . We have been going through the google timeline for the last 7 years instead of the one time 8 years ago...and that has helped a lot too! Some pretty significant events have happened in these years as well...but we found it hard to remember some of the details because it isn't something we dwell on. Good point there !!
My H was having OA's for almost 2 years before he had the PA with Lily. Except for some pictures...I really don't know much about what happened during that time frame. I TRIED finding out more...but too much time had passed...so I have no idea of timelines of any of these. But what you wrote is very true . I DON'T ruminate on them...and I don't have an issue. I guess because I know SO MUCH about his PA...it was easier to think more about what was happening with that.
Maybe I should practice what I preach about on here...and deal with what is happening NOW...because NOW is what COUNTS ! Thank you Unhinged . This will be my LAST A Season thread Lil Bro. Maybe NEXT A Season...I can take up something new...like watching hockey...if they play from May-July !!
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:13 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022
I have to say...now that I am almost done with this last week of A season...it isn't bad AT ALL . Going through EACH day...realizing what they were actually doing...it was really kind of sucky...for them. Thinking about what I was thinking though...it was PURE...LOVING...and yes...a lot of HORNINESS . We had been apart for almost 10 weeks by this time...the longest we had EVER been apart...and I was very much anticipating a sex fest when we got together. They sure didn't have a sex fest for their last week though .
The 1st 3 days of their last week together...Lily was still on her period. She gave my H a BJ at his hotel on Thursday...that was so bad my H said to NOT do them again. Friday night my H didn't even attempt to see her...even though he could have easily gone to her house. She couldn't fuck him or give him oral anymore...so there was no point in going. Lily lured him to her house Saturday night though...but when they went to bed and she kept her panties on...my H angrily asked, "What the fuck is this?!" Lily brought out lotion to let him know he WOULD get sex...a hand job . Apparently it wasn't all that great because my H wouldn't spend Sunday night there .
The Monday before he left...he received the package I sent him. It was pecan pralines that we are known for in south Louisiana . WE were wanting to leave a gift for the staff at the hotel...some of whom had become friends with me before I had to leave. My H was packaging them to give them out the next day...so he didn't leave the hotel until after 8:30 that night...and arrived at Lily's house around 9pm.
The Tuesday before he left...8 years ago today...he distributed the gifts to the hotel staff. Then he left to meet Lily at the sushi restaurant where they first met. They held hands across the table...so romantic . They went back to Lily's house and my H wanted to "make love" to her. He told me he really TRIED...but he couldn't get hard. He just rolled over on his back. He didn't even give her oral...not even with her "pretty pink porn star pussy".
The Wednesday before he left...Lily came to meet him at the hotel. She was going to drive him to the airport the next day. He had brought back what was left of the pralines he had brought to the office where he worked. Lily proceeded to show him how Holland had pralines just like that . NO...they don't!! It didn't stop her from letting him know she would take them. He never even offered her one before!
He did give the rest to her because he felt kind of bad. See...she bought him a gift to remember her by...and he didn't get her anything. Poor Lily. Her gift to him was a coffee mug. She told him that she hoped that every time he drank coffee from it he would think of her . She then asked if he would send a picture to her with him drinking out of the mug. He told her he would. It was around this time that he made the comment that he didn't think he could love two women at the same time. When I found that coffee mug the day after Dday and found out about it...I THREW it against the wall to smash it. It didn't even leave a chip . So I picked it up and THREW it against the wall by my H. Still NOTHING!!! My H picked it up and SMASHED it with a hammer. I guess he figured he better do something before I hit HIM with it !!!
My H didn't get done packing until LATE on Wednesday...so they didn't go to the restaurant until around 10pm. He had already eaten earlier in the evening...so they went for Lily to eat while he just drank more beer. They didn't get back to the hotel until after 11pm. Once again...my said he tried to "make love" to her. He wanted to leave her with a special memory. He said that when he was looking into her eyes though...he saw ME . He felt himself getting soft...so he put his head down and finished fucking her...so romantic .
Thursday morning my H took a shower...so that he wouldn't have any of her cum on his dick when we were getting together later in the day. They then proceeded to the airport...in silence. They ate breakfast at the airport...then the man who told me he could kiss Lily for HOURS...only gave her a hug. NO final kiss at all that morning...so he wouldn't have her saliva on his lips for when he kissed me. Wasn't that so sweet of him to think of that ???
My H had told me to get a hotel for the first 2 days he was back...so that we wouldn't have family and friends interrupting us by wanting to see him when he came home. I was very EAGER to do that...our sex fest was going to be EPIC!! That actual experience was very GUT wrenching though...because he was barely touching me those next few days . I KNEW something was OFF...but I had NO IDEA that it was an A. I was completely blindsided when my H confessed just 2 days after coming home .
I wrote all of that to write THIS...not everything of what I just wrote came out on Dday. This was obtained over the course of the next 3 years. I wanted to know EVERYTHING...but I knew my H would not be able to tell me his REAL feelings during this time if I was emotional. I became like Jack Webb from Dragnet..."Just the FACTS ma'am" . I gathered as much of the "FACTS" that my H could remember. My H truly IS a person who is forgetful. He even parks in the same area at Walmart because he DOES forget where he parks . I needed key words so that I could go back and jog his memory about his FEELINGS later on in the process. I was fortunate...or maybe unfortunate...in that I had all of the information to be able to put into calendars I made. Then we talked about his feelings during this time.
As I wrote about all of what he told me on this site...I had a LOT of great support . There were also the naysayers...who told me my H was NOT who he was saying he was. He couldn't possibly be telling me the TRUTH...and I was FOOLISH for believing him. They told me how MOST of what my H told me couldn't be corroborated...so he could say whatever he wanted...and I was allowing him to get away with this. They had a point. My H had said some things that he thought and did during his A that HURT...but they seemed to be sincere in that he wanted to give me the TRUTH...even if it did hurt at the time. BUT...HE did LIE...HE did CHEAT. HE DID FUCK ANOTHER WOMAN MULTIPLE TIMES!!! WHY would I believe all that he was telling me when I KNEW he was capable of NOT being truthful???!!!
That was where God helped me...by bringing me to this site and getting me even MORE help . Finding out about the Craigslist accounts on here and how they keep them automatically...PROVED that my H WAS telling me the truth when he told me he wrote that he was a "happily married man looking for NSA sex". The google timeline I found about 3 or 4 years later just blew me away at how accurate my H really WAS when he first described what was going on. These instances PROVED he was telling me the TRUTH. There are some instances where only HE can KNOW and I have no way of proving them. But BECAUSE my H was truthful on things he THOUGHT I could never possibly know...I BELIEVE HIM on the things that I REALLY could never possibly know . This is why it is often said on here how TT will destroy a M.
People on this site are AWESOME . Everyone MEANS well...we ALL want to HELP . But generalizations aren't always the best thing. I know...I am bad for that as well . At the end of the day though...we EACH have to do what we feel is the best for US.
I have come a LONG way in a journey I thought I would NEVER have to be on again. My healing didn't happen overnight. But I learned...from the way I did NOT heal after catching my 1st H cheating...that I can't rugsweep this and think it will all go away. IT WON'T.
I AM healed now . The great thing is...my H IS healed too . The BEST thing though...is that our M is something neither of us EVER thought could get any better...but it HAS!! Some on here write that the M will NEVER be what it was before infidelity. They are correct. BUT...it CAN be BETTER .
My H and I THOUGHT we had a very GOOD M. But my H was broken inside though...and I have to admit that I was too. We did consensual ADULT things that we really thought were enhancing our M...only to find out too late that they just put us on a very dangerous path that we would have NEVER been on if we were healthy people. We FIXED ourselves...then...TOGETHER...we FIXED our M...like sisoon says often on here . Life like THIS is too GREAT to put into words .
My WISE Lil Bro has brought me to see that I don't need to rehash the past. He was always the SMART one out of the two of us . I think I will end this now...ON TOP . I don't know what will happen on my 9th A season...but I can't wait to find out. BRING IT ON !!!
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