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General :
How should I respond to formerly wayward boyfriend's grunpiness and lack of Easter plans with me?

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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 12:39 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I think he got mad because he thought I could afford much more than the annuity I purchased. He kept bringing up how I have no kids and how my only home is one that is a small rancher which I inherited in part.

Your finances and how you manage them is none of your brother's business. Remember, "No" is a complete sentence.

Look, I think you need to engage in therapy for several reasons:

You have a long track record of "nicing" people who aren't very nice back to you. You need coping skills and perspective on this so that you can draw a line in the sand when people push against your boundaries. It's endemic in your entire life: family, this "relationship" you believe you are in, your professional colleagues and your students. You're leaving yourself vulnerable to more of the same if you don't address this.

I'm sorry your parents raised you to believe that therapy has no value. However, you can change that belief whenever you want. A good therapist can give you a LOT of tools that will make a big difference in your life. But only you can take that first step.

We're approaching the end of the school year. What changes are you going to make in your professional development and in addressing what sounds like a toxic work environment. Have you talked to your union rep? Have you looked into professional development tools available to you? I work in educational publishing, and I know such tools exist.

You can look at this spring and summer as a rebirth of who you are as a person and a professional.

But you can also do what you've always done: slog along in this so-so "relationship" with a known cheater who is a mooch and treats you poorly, continue to knuckle under to undue family influence, limp along in your role as a professional while allowing others to bully you and continue to be unhappy.

BUT, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

Think on that.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33046   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8732443
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:14 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I think he got mad because he thought I could afford much more than the annuity I purchased. He kept bringing up how I have no kids and how my only home is one that is a small rancher which I inherited in part.

Assuming you have a pension or social security, then I don't see a need for any annuity at all, from a financial planning POV.

You are letting your brother gang up on you and work for his friend and against you. Stop doing that to yourself. An annuity right now is suicidal for your money. You do get a minimum return guarantee with most (all?) annuities, but the guaranteed return right now is very low while inflation is high. That guaranteed return is a guaranteed loss under today's conditions.

In what sort of worldview are you required to give your money to your brother's friend????

Get your money back, if it's not too late. Consider getting your brother out of your life.

I'm really sorry to write the above. You've made yourself a doormat. What will move you to be yourself and to stand up for yourself? What will move you to stop selling yourself out?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 27082   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8732494
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Notmine ( member #57221) posted at 11:08 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I think he got mad because he thought I could afford much more than the annuity I purchased. He kept bringing up how I have no kids and how my only home is one that is a small rancher which I inherited in part.

This is none of his business. He can think what he likes. Whether you can afford it or not is not the issue, the issue is whether you want to purchase the products. That is for YOU to decide. Your brother can buy the products if he wants, but your life is YOURS. What do YOU want?

When you're going through hell, for God's sake, DON'T STOP!

posts: 699   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2017   ·   location: DC
id 8734434
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