SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Let me preface this with I dont hope for a reconciliation with the family. I think its great we havent spoken or seen them in a long time

Wh hasnt seen his family in 3 years (Thanksgiving 2018) and hasnt spoken to any of them in going on 5 mos now.

He didnt call his mom on her birthday or anyone at Thanksgiving. He told our oldest kid (who has a phone) to text grandma happy birthday but that is it

I am LOVING not having to chose where to go at then holidays. The fact we dont talk to ils is awesome.

For those of you who have seen stuff like this (family falling out) how likely is it that they pick back up?

His sister #2 has not spoken to us in 2 years (she was mad we got our newborn baptized at home rather than drive up to the inlaws state and do it there for MIL)

Can i do a happy dance that they are out of my life forever yet?

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:31 PM, Friday, December 10th]

In my limited experience (my FOO and his) it's unusual for things to get comfortable again after having to cut off communications. BTDT!

But maybe in a decade or so, it won't feel the same on either side....

Thanks for the personal experience! What im finding on the internet is more how to bridge that gap. Not what i care about!

I just saw that MIL has blocked me on facebook. Weird. 2 weeks ago she sent me flowers on my birthday. (I dropped them off at a nursing home, didnt keep them on my house for even 1 day)

She wished me happy birthday on my husband’s facebook "happy birthday to my wife" post

And now. She blocked me. (We were not facebook friends. She is however friends with WH and still is his fb friend. So whatever juicy stuff she puts on facebook i can still see. And by juicy i mean "Suzy is watching The Bold and tge Beautiful". And "Suzy is hungry and wondering what to eat ".

Would it be wrong to demand my kids not talk to her, nor my WH?

Wh is on THIN ice with me. I am going to therapy (we have a trauma bond therapist is trying to help me break) He lives… our family lives…. in house my family owns. So basically, if he is talking to his mom and sisters in my family home, infeel that’s disrespectful and like, get the f out!!!

I feel like 1- He can chose. Live in my house or have a relationship with his mom. (He hasnt seen her for 3 yrs or talked to her in 5 months. So this is not even an issue now)

2- i feel like my kids do not have to talk to someone who dislikes or is disrespectful to their mother. I carried them for 9 months (hell, i carried the first for 10 months!) you need to be respectful of ME if you want to talk to my kids.

Again. My youngest 2 never talk to that side . They dont have phones. DD whos 16 gets texts from grandma and aunt that she answers. I feel very disrespected and want them totally out of my family’s lives. She could apologize, but instead took it up a notch and blocked me. I just want this OVER and for them to leave us all ALONE.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:28 AM, Monday, December 13th]

We never reconnected with my MIL. She died having shunned me and my children. And there was never contact. Even after moving to a different country my FIL was not allowed to call us.

One month after she died he flew in for a visit. We had 15 wonderful years with him and he was the greatest grandfather to our children. He was victimized by his wife too - everyone was afraid of her and tiptoed around her.

I suggest this needs to stop being your focus. Life is too short. Stop tying to please people who are toxic. And unkind. And nasty to not only you but your children.

I guess i can count my being blocked as further proff i can happy dance!

She doesnt want contact with me either! And the kids are with me 100% of the time, soooooo….

My situation is different- my mom is toxic (although she's admitted to being in therapy and has made some improvements). However she has improved, I still feel myself going into co-dependent mode whenever I see her too much/often. When she comes into town and I'm planning on seeing her, I get anxiety attacks (which is great because she comes in to town around Christmas...).

I am planning on seeing her and taking my son over to my sister's house to visit. My daughter has a Christmas party with her friends so, BH and her are going to that (BH can't stand my mom for various valid reasons).

It's hard for me to work through my guilt at shunning my mother- even though it was for my own mental health and well being. There's that primordial bond and instinct to want to trust and want to relate and want to bond with your parent. Your WH has to work through that. First though, he has to be honest about her and see her as she IS and not as HE WANTS HER TO BE. Until that happens and he mourns the mother he wanted but never had, he's going to keep the hopium alive with her.

Either way, I don't think it unreasonable to ask that he not discuss family things with her or your marriage or anything else other than what is basic information that could be shared with an acquaintance. He may not be able to cut ties completely as he'll likely want to know if she gets sick or dies. I've put my mom's number on mute for calls and for texts, filtered her emails to go into it's own inbox and muted her in facebook. These help me keep her out of my line of sight, while giving me the power to check in on her when necessary. Maybe that would be a good compromise for him.

Otherwise, when she's being her crazy and drama filled self, grab the popcorn and enjoy the telenovela.

I've put my mom's number on mute for calls and for texts,

Wh actually blocked her and his sisters numbers 5 mos ago. He told them he was doing that and she said good your wife is a nut. Did you hear what she said to your mother (yes… she called herself your mother

Mil has tried to call him about every 2 weeks since she got back from that family vacation they took with out him (and the kids) She calls on his business line, and the calls are all recorded. She has asked if he put her on a no call list. She tells the receptionist please have him call her its long over due, its foolish for him to ignore her, etc.

He is silent. I dont know why. Im happy that he is and dont Want to ask why. He did not open her birthday card to him, he did not ask to visit at the holidays.

The only person they can get to is my DD 16, who has a phone and feels obligated to talk to her bc she is grandma.

His NC may last forever,but most likely it won't.

Aren't you divorcing him?

You never have to have contact with these people again.

Your daughter is about to be an adult, and can,and will,make her own decisions.

But YOU never have to have contact with them again.

Aren't you divorcing him?

I have a divorce atty, a separation agreement, but cant do it. Im in therapy to get over whats stopping me. I want to divorce him. Just scared.

So my mom cut me off about 14 years ago, now. Gave me the silent treatment, and I moved forward with boundaries.

My mom and I began talking about a month before my dad died. It's been almost a year that we've resumed a relationship.

My mom is pretty toxic. Armchair diagnosis is borderline personality disorder. She also has untreated clinical depression.

My kids don't have a relationship with her; I am armed with enough coping strategies that I can deal with her verbal and emotional abuse. My kids don't know how to do that, and I'm not going to ask them to start.

Of course, my mom doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior. And it's not worth it to call her out on it. I have been the only person that has steadily checked in on her...yet, she still called me one of the worst things that happened to her. Most people know you don't shit where you eat. But, if I point it out, that maybe she shouldn't call me one of the worst things that happened to her, she'll deny she said it, tell me I deserved it, or basically take no responsibly for it.

Still, I don't think people should die alone, even if it is a direct consequence of their choices. So, I'm involved.