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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Divorce/Separation :
Just responded to the papers my wife served me. Need advice on how to proceed.


The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 11:56 AM on Friday, December 31st, 2021

My two cents.

First ignore her words and watch her actions. Actions tell you everything.

Second in the housing situation. If your mortgage is close to what it would cost you to rent, keep the home and rent to your Buddy to make it affordable.

Buy your wife out.

At the current mortgage rates (lower than your current mortgage rate) plus the lower principal on the mortgage - you could end up with a lower mortgage payment on a refi.

A house builds equity for you and it may be a smarter decision b/c you still have the deductions (taxes and interest).

[This message edited by The1stWife at 11:57 AM, Friday, December 31st]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11162   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8706673

messyleslie ( member #58177) posted at 4:31 PM on Friday, December 31st, 2021

Her name is still on the mortgage so I can't change the locks or force her not to come over. She can come and go as she pleases and there's nothing I can do about it for the time being.

I don’t know if this is a state specific thing but this isn’t true. I asked my attorney and a police officer specifically and they both said that I was fully allowed to change the locks because it was my house. Once we separated with me continuing to live in the house I was fully allowed to do with it as I wanted as long as it didn’t diminish the value (like I couldn’t bulldoze it) and I gave him reasonable access to his stuff. I think in the initial papers I filed with the court it said he would give me 24 hours notice before coming over and we had to agree on a time.

Also just as an aside - I kept my house, got out a bunch of money in the refi and my payments are still lower than they were before because of how low the interest rates are. I also did not have to pay to have an inspection - for most refis they do a drive by inspection so it’s mostly just to see the general state of the house.

posts: 266   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8706726

keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 9:17 PM on Saturday, January 1st, 2022

I wasn't the perfect husband, I made my share of mistakes, but when she was over last week to sleep with the cats, she attacked me with those mistakes I made in the last year when the marriage started spiraling and was trying to play the victim. I tried to take blame where blame is due so I know what to work on, but I also played the blame game on her as well and it just gets us nowhere.

Her betrayal, dishonesty, deceit, disrespect, contempt, and attitude have nothing to do with anything you mentioned above and nothing to do with you.

Infidelity is not the result of a marital failure.

Infidelity is the direct result of a personal failure of the person committing it.


During my marriage, my XWW was an irresponsible, insecure, people-pleasing, fantasy-minded party girl who spent most of her time day-drinking with the amoral shit she still convinces herself are "friends".

I never felt, as a result, driven to fuck other women behind her back so that I may feel "valid" or fulfilled.

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1149   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 8706944
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