I wasn't the perfect husband, I made my share of mistakes, but when she was over last week to sleep with the cats, she attacked me with those mistakes I made in the last year when the marriage started spiraling and was trying to play the victim. I tried to take blame where blame is due so I know what to work on, but I also played the blame game on her as well and it just gets us nowhere.
Her betrayal, dishonesty, deceit, disrespect, contempt, and attitude have nothing to do with anything you mentioned above and nothing to do with you.
Infidelity is not the result of a marital failure.
Infidelity is the direct result of a personal failure of the person committing it.
During my marriage, my XWW was an irresponsible, insecure, people-pleasing, fantasy-minded party girl who spent most of her time day-drinking with the amoral shit she still convinces herself are "friends".
I never felt, as a result, driven to fuck other women behind her back so that I may feel "valid" or fulfilled.