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General :
How do you reel yourself in from seeking revenge?


HUM1021 ( member #6222) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

I could never have engineered the calamities that fell on the two OMs.

Wilder than I could have come up with, or put together.

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.

Me: BS 34
Her: WS 33
M 5 years
dday with 1st OM 4/30/04 EA/PA
dday with 2nd OM 12/11/04 EA/PA
on the reconciliation rollercoaster

posts: 819   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2005   ·   location: Colorado
id 8701887

SomethingOminous ( new member #77393) posted at 4:11 AM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

The revenge fantasies come and go.
Like others said, I play them out in my head sometimes, but just seems like
1. Nothing I could do would take back anything that she has done to me, and
2. The idea of being anything like her makes me sick to my stomach so I couldn't live with myself being like her and
3. I actually just have too much self respect and integrity to hurt somebody else.

I had some pretty dark fantasies and still do sometimes, but I still consider some of the other ones.
The ones I was tempted to actually go through with (not the darker ones) were things more like purchasing a ton of random keys with a key tag saying (if lost please return to AP and Ph No) and just leave them all over the city so she's bombarded with calls.
Post ads online for random things using her Ph No so she gets tons of calls.
Signing her up to loads of spam websites using her email address and her work email address.
The petty revenge ones always gave me a laugh, as more of "how could I annoy the **** out of her".
But I think the main thing that kept me from acting on thise was just telling myself, that I am a better person than her. 🤷🏼‍♀️

BS (28) WH (20s) - Together 5 years
D-Day1 - 14.11.20 - discovered EA and PA with COW
D-Day 2 - 6-3-21 - discovered that WH had been online cheating for 4/5 years

'Limbo Land - this looks like a fun place to stay'

posts: 28   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8701913

DigitalSpyder ( member #61995) posted at 8:07 AM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

Feeling very revengeful today.

I mean I would get some gratification from it.

Would you really and how long would that last? What do you truly stand to gain from it?

I'm sure all of us entertain the idea in various ways at some stage, but it seems to me, its only when we are too invested in things we shouldn't be.

Post Tenebras Spero Lucem

posts: 370   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2017   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8701920

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:20 PM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

Slight T/J

Signing her up to loads of spam websites using her email address and her work email address.

Ya know - this has happened to me recently at our joint home email address. All started around the time of the Cease & Desist Letter in the early spring (go figure). Can't pin it on LTAP but wouldn't surprise me.
Random extreme political stuff, eHarmony "thank you for your inquiry" stuff, "little blue pill" stuff.

I chuckle as I sip my coffee, drag them to the "junk" folder, roll my eyes and go on with my day.

End T/J

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home)
Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS in 2018
Cease & Desist sent spring 2021
"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3365   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8701931

somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 2:23 PM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

..uh, finding scumbag OM's name in the obituary column having died at 57, was a good start! I still believe that his brain tumour was caused by his years of guilt having betrayed his bff. got his come-upance for his evil deeds. I haven't been to his grave site to piss on him for a while. Going to have to plan a trip in to Toronto soon and pay him a visit.

I hope he is burning in Hell since his passing in 2006. (April 18th)

smy smile

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think!Me 74 Her 70 Married 49 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumor!

posts: 5982   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 8701941

cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 3:24 PM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

My mind was reeling for revenge. His low blows were so very low. My mind could not accept it. I felt I was spinning in disbelief.

The more time passed. Ugh!!! The more time separated us and I could see more clearly. The more I saw his flaws. He is mentally ill. He chooses not to make any effort to improve.

Nobody can deal with him. Nobody can fix him or convince him of anything. There comes a time you have to give it up. Let him go.

That’s when revenge left me. He’s self destructing. I refuse to participate in anyway.

Many family members, drs, specialists and me. Have tried to help over and over.

Now it’s just sad and pathetic.

Memory plays a large part. I used to remember every incident. What time. What day. The facial expressions. All the detective work. The sleepless nights. .....

It starts to fade. I’ve lost so many painful details in the past years. I will never forget the big ones. I’m so glad it’s no longer current in my mind.

a trigger yesterday

posts: 4756   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2010   ·   location: athome
id 8701951

Lefonquey1 ( new member #79618) posted at 9:29 PM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

I got to beat up my wife's AP in front of her. I pinned him down and could have done serious damage, but I let him up. He ran off yelling "I'm gonna call the cops". The cops took my statement and decided not to charge me.

A couple weeks later, his wife sent the pics of his bloody face to some of her friends and it got back to me. At the time, beating him up felt very good and got me through the first few weeks after dday. And looking at the pic later was also quite therapeutic.

A while later, the AP sent my wife some drunken text messages that I forwarded to his wife via text prefixed with "your dog got out of his cage and look at what he did". Knowing his wife, she probably ripped him a new one.

A couple months later, I ran into him in a parking lot and I stopped, stuck my chest out, and stared him down. He was very nervous and turned around to walk back into the store. This, however, made me feel like a thug and a bully and I vowed never to do that again.

He definitely deserved the butt kicking and it got me through the initial shock. But no amount of physical punishment I could have given out will match what I've gone through this whole ordeal. I'm just glad I was able to restrain myself before hurting him bad and getting into legal troubles. These past 6 months since dday have been very very toxic. I just want to put all this behind me know. No more thoughts of revenge on him.

Now... sometimes I have fleeting thoughts about revenge against my wife... but whenever I do, I remember how it would hurt our 3 small children and they pass quickly. Overall, she's a great mom and I would never want to do anything to tarnish her image in their eyes, despite the horrible things she did.

[This message edited by Lefonquey1 at 9:29 PM, Wednesday, December 1st]

posts: 16   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2021
id 8702011

PlanNine ( member #46311) posted at 9:54 PM on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.

Yeah, I know. But I just want to [i]borrow[/i] it for a little while. I'll give it right back, promise.

"I was also thinking, 'Maybe I'm not a bike racer.' I doubted myself for a while, but now I'm back on track. I may not be a bike racer, but I can beat plenty of them that reckon they are." - Guy Martin

posts: 459   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2015   ·   location: Florida
id 8702017
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