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Divorce/Separation :
I have reached the end of my marriage

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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 2:28 AM on Tuesday, February 22nd, 2022

Hello again, it's me!

She threatened to take the kids to her boyfriends house for an overnight tonight. I told her no fucking way, divorce won't be final for another 4 months.

Cops were called, they made her leave and leave the kids here, eventho it's her night with them.


Question I have... what's the rules for minor children and overnight visits to boyfriend's house? we have about another 4 months minimum before the divorce is final. The court order is we are not allowed to remove them from the county, I take that as you can't move out of the county with them. Her boyfriend lives a few counties away.


I tried to search online but all I could find was about AFTER the divorce is final, we are, like I mentioned, a few months out from that. I get that they will be around him eventually and whatever, I am past the point of caring that she has moved on. I even took the kids on her night on Valentines day so she could stay with him. I just don't want my kids staying at his house yet.


Thanks!

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8717998
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 4:00 AM on Tuesday, February 22nd, 2022

Did you get a background check on the boyfriend yet? I'd do that. And since you've had the cops over already at least once, get a camera on the front door, keep a VAR handy even if you have to announce out loud that you're recording, and just document, document, document. In my brother's divorce where the mom set up several counties away, he was still responsible for half the transportation. I think a lot of it has to do with what you put into your separation agreement though.

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5429   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8718016
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 1:56 AM on Saturday, February 26th, 2022

Welp, she took the kids to her boyfriends house for an overnight tonight.

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8718877
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gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 12:01 AM on Monday, February 28th, 2022

Can you document this with proof? Contact your attorney first thing Monday morning.

posts: 140   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8719163
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 3:46 AM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

Filed an ex parte and I will know tomorrow if it was signed or if he denies and schedules a hearing. There was a pending order for non removal of the children, and the judge gave a verbal from the bench that the kids were to remain in the home unless ordered otherwise from the court, that hearing was scheduled for today but was pushed back to March 24th

The main issue is the kids, they both are on the autism spectrum, 8 and 11, and routine is super important. When we set the parenting plan it was with the agreement that they won't be taken from their routine until the divorce is final, right as they finish the current school year, then they can get adjusted to 50-50 during the summer and all is good going forward.

They were told a month and a half ago about the divorce, now they're staying half the time at their mom's boyfriends house, and she wants to keep the current parenting plan, which would mean they sleep there Monday Wednesday and everyother Friday Saturday and Sunday. No way for them to get into a routine that way. I can't even get into a routine that way.

He lives an hour away

[This message edited by TEMPE57 at 3:48 AM, Tuesday, March 1st]

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8719452
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 6:23 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

Judge signed the order, kids are too remain in the marital home and they are not to be around her boyfriend or other romantic interests for the duration of the divorce.

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8719568
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hcsv ( member #51813) posted at 6:44 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

Wonderful news. Sounds like you have a decent judge who kept the children’s best interest in mind.

After 40 years, ex turned into someone I didnt know and couldnt trust anymore. Divorced. 1/17

posts: 695   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016
id 8719575
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 8:06 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

It sounds like you kept a cool head too and gave the judge what s/he needed to rule in your favor, so kudos for that too.

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5429   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8719594
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:31 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

Dude, I am so sorry that you and your children are going through this. There are a lot of parallels between your story and mine, which is a bad sign for you.

Question I have... what's the rules for minor children and overnight visits to boyfriend's house?

My answer, prior to you letting us know that your kids have special needs (i.e., they're on the autism spectrum), I would have told you that you need to get your mind set that she can parent the kids her way on her time. The way she is acting means there is no hope for co-parenting and the best that you can achieve is parallel parenting.

In taking this approach, you have to be very mindful of what you can and cannot do for your children. That mindfulness becomes even more important given that your children have special needs.

Also, given that your children have special needs, I would do everything that you possibly can do to keep the marital home. They need it, you know?

Along those lines, it's just plain awful that she has already introduced the kids to her new guy. Their entire world view is of you as dad and your ex as mom... and she's really doing damage to them. My ex did something similar and when I mentioned this to my attorney her precise words were "oh those poor children."

So, how do you address this? You have to become a super-hero parent. You are now in charge of doing the job of two parents, except even worse... you have to counter-act the bad parenting from your ex. You can't stop her from being a bad parent, but you can make sure that you compensate for her bad parenting as best as you can.

Good luck. You are getting a lot of great advice here... and it sounds like you have a good attorney. That's a big plus!

[This message edited by barcher144 at 8:40 PM, Tuesday, March 1st]

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5256   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8719601
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 11:25 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2022

She took the kids back over there today. Called the sheriff in the county he is in, waiting on a call back

I wouldn't dream of violating a court order, the next hearing I don't think is going to go so well for her.

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8719841
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 12:29 AM on Friday, March 4th, 2022

Wow. That court order is only a couple of days old. She's going to be lucky not to be jailed for contempt.

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5429   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8721004
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 11:54 PM on Thursday, March 17th, 2022

Court on Monday coming up. Been super busy, since she started following the order, I've been full time single dad, and wow hats off to you moms and dads that do this alone. But I love it, finally getting into a routine and it's getting "easier".

I know her strategy, she was dumb enough to text me about how am a terrible person, neglectful of the kids, smoke weed around them, take and send dick picks when their in the same room etc. Etc. All total bullshit, so the strategy coming up is lie and slander. Try to convince the court that I'm some monster, an unfit father, I emailed my attorney the list I've compiled, dates and times and descriptions of all her parenting time she's missed since 1-1, it was 3 pages long.


The hearing Monday is about finances, she never contested the order of the kids remaining in the home and after 14 days it becomes a temporary order, which needs a motion to modify so good chance she won't get to run my name through the mud Monday, but we'll see

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8723847
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:56 AM on Friday, March 18th, 2022

Hope it goes well for you on Monday. Hang in there.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8723892
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 5:12 AM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

Hearing postponed again until April 11th.

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8724805
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 5:47 AM on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022

I can't imagine your frustration. So sorry for the delay...again.

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8724812
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 4:29 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

Thanks, pretty deflated. I'm going to have to file for bankruptcy. I can no longer afford to pay off the life financed on duel income by myself after taking a 20% paycut.

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8725010
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 4:41 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

After about 7 years, it will drop off your credit history. I went through a debt settlement company, and it would have been better to have gone through bankruptcy.

It isn't anything to make you ashamed. It's almost common place.

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8725012
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 8:30 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

Court today. Judge upheld the order from January asking for financial support, and he denied her request to remove the ex parte order prohibiting her from taking the kids around her boyfriend until the divorce once is final. Great day, she's super mad.

Unbelievable how mad she is over equitable sharing of marital debt. Nevermind it cost me 3500 to get these matters infront of the Judge, this should have been an automatic and done without the courts but it's a good day, I'll enjoy this little victory.

[This message edited by TEMPE57 at 8:30 PM, Monday, April 11th]

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8729222
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 8:37 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

Happy that it went in your favor, man. But the battle's not quite over yet. Be wary of the various other tactics she'll try. Once they get mad, that's when they start crazy shit.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8729224
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 TEMPE57 (original poster member #79570) posted at 12:56 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

Signing my lease today! Yesterday is the last day I have to be in this house with her.

She started coming back around on her days with the kids after that hearing, so it's been uncomfortable having her around.

[This message edited by TEMPE57 at 6:32 PM, Thursday, April 28th]

posts: 194   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019
id 8732446
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