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Divorce/Separation :
Any BS moved out of home before D was final?

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 Stayinghopefull (original poster member #57957) posted at 1:40 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

My attorney advised me to stay in our marital home. However, WH is not moving out. We are going to be trying to sell our house. WH has another OW that he has been talking to on the phone constantly. Just last night they talked to almost 1am. I’m sleeping in our spare bedroom. He’s in our room. I just don’t know if I can continue to live with him. I feel physically sick when he is around. I have gone gray rock on him and not talking to him at all. I’m just enjoying taking care of the kids and spending my time with them. I’m going to ask my attorney about me and my kids moving out before we sell our house but wanted to see if any other BS’s have any advice.

Joined SI 17 years ago when H had year long affair.
Found 5 new OW in the past 6 months. Heading towards D.
Two wonderful teen kids that don't deserve this.
Me: BS 48 H: WS 50 Together 27 yrs, Married 22 yrs

posts: 98   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2017
id 8694856
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 3:05 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

I didn't move out. She wasn't moving out. I moved to the spare bedroom for a couple of nights. After just 2 or 3 nights, I moved myself back into the master bedroom and moved her stuff into the spare room. She didn't even try to argue about it.

After about two months of that, I found her a place to stay and helped her pack her car. She wouldn't have moved out if I hadn't found the place for her. I rarely spoke to her, never shared any meals with her or offered to cook for her. If she came in the room while I was watching television, I got up and left.

I had to have minor surgery one day and she came with me to drive me home after and then swore she would "help" me during the short recovery. When we got home, she parked herself in her ugly chair and spent the next 6 hours texting her lover while I rested on the sofa, fixed myself food, cleaned my kitchen and did my own laundry. I left the lower level of the house and went and found her a place to rent, came back and gave her the number and told her I needed her to leave. She was gone 2 days later.

Gray rock and the 180 kept me sane during that time.

3 adult sons
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 329   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8694863
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 Stayinghopefull (original poster member #57957) posted at 3:52 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

Thank you Country Dirt. That great you we’re able to get her an apartment and she moved out. We can afford for one of us to move out but I would have the kids so economically it would be better for him to move out until we sell the house.

WH is acting like nothing has changed. He was dancing around after eating something good my daughter had cooked, trying to talk me and just acting like it’s a normal day. Just makes me sick inside. He’s talking to the kids more that he really ever has. His behavior is just bizarre considering this is a man that has betrayed his wife of 22 years and facing D. It’s like he has no soul

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 3:53 PM, Sunday, October 24th]

Joined SI 17 years ago when H had year long affair.
Found 5 new OW in the past 6 months. Heading towards D.
Two wonderful teen kids that don't deserve this.
Me: BS 48 H: WS 50 Together 27 yrs, Married 22 yrs

posts: 98   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2017
id 8694866
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Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 7:14 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

I think he is in denail. He is expecting you to just have a tantrum and get over it like the last time. I would expect him to amp up chasing the OW to make you jealous and to get a reaction out of you. Your best answer is to act completely indifferent to anything he does.

As for living in the same house. I would get the ball on divorce rolling. And not move an inch from the house just like your lawyer advised you. Move his stuff to the spare bedroom if you want the main one. Try to create a life outside of the house. Go meet friends in the evenings, sign up for classes, make arrangements to spend time with your kids etc. No need to be rude to him. Be civil but stick to your boundries. Read up on 180. Trat him like a roommate.

posts: 70   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8694891
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 Stayinghopefull (original poster member #57957) posted at 7:39 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021

Thank you walkthestorm. In our state we have to be living under completely separate roofs for the separation to being then it’s a whole calendar year for D to be final. This is why I can’t wait for us to be living apart. However that may be. I’ve been busy getting the house ready for a realtor to come so hopefully we can sell quick and at a good price. I have boxes out packing stuff up so I would think he knows I mean it.

I have a gym that I go to that is like family and have some amazing friends. So my life other that WH is really good. So I thankful for that. And my two older kids are so wonderful too. They totally support me leaving him. I just hope we can have separate living arrangements sooner rather than later.

[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 7:48 PM, Sunday, October 24th]

Joined SI 17 years ago when H had year long affair.
Found 5 new OW in the past 6 months. Heading towards D.
Two wonderful teen kids that don't deserve this.
Me: BS 48 H: WS 50 Together 27 yrs, Married 22 yrs

posts: 98   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2017
id 8694894
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 10:06 AM on Monday, October 25th, 2021

Ask your attorney about getting sole residency.
The Courts recognize that couples don’t divorce because they get on so great. There is a process in which the court can decide that one (generally the prime caregiver to children) has sole residency. The court usually decided on other things too at this point, like mandating who pays for what during the divorce process.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10012   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8694943
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Sally24 ( new member #70794) posted at 1:48 PM on Monday, October 25th, 2021

I also live in a state where we have to be physically separated a year and a day before divorce. I had my lawyer draw up all of the separation paperwork, which, to me, is the same as what all the divorce paperwork would be, all the division of assets and everything surrounding the children. WH and I signed in July. We agreed that he would keep the house, so while I looked for a new place to live, we nested in the marital home for the children, week on, week off. My off week, I either camped or stayed with my parents. Meanwhile, he was refinancing the marital home and I got money from him buying me out of that to help me with my new place.

What are your plans once your house sells? Are you currently looking for other living arrangements? That will also help keep you busy and keep your mind off of WH.

Hopefully your house will sell quickly and you won't have to live with him too much longer. When you're living in the middle of all of it, it seems like it will never end, but it will, I promise! Just keep moving forward with your plans. You're doing great!

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 22   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8694957
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:59 PM on Monday, November 1st, 2021

I had to move out since the house we were in was his mothers and I moved into an apartment. We have been legally separated for a year and I plan to move towards D.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8080   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8696217
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