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Wife has been cheating on dating sites

Topic is Sleeping.
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PSTI ( Member #53103) posted at 2:49 AM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

You’re not wrong, it’s a physical hook up site, wayward use AM for physical and it costs a lot of money to use the chat feature. If you can’t find receipts for AM the chat feature isn’t used. It’s why it’s a predominant physical hookup site, why pay for chat when there are many other dating apps that give it for free. From what I understand the free option is make a profile send a wink that you’re interested, if you get wink back you give the other person your ‘key’ to allow them to see your naked pics and hookup contact info. The free option allows a very limited text feature, think it’s a single tweet worth of words before you run out of credits and need to pay for the chat feature, impossible to chat on the free version unless to her “chatting” is “hi”/“hi”. my wayward used AM when he wasn’t using coworkers. It’s not a chat site, it’s a place married people go to organise hookups. There are hundreds of free chat places she could have gone to but she went straight to AM.

That's how it works for men. It's most definitely not how it works for women. It's always free for women to message or chat, AM bills the man (unless you're a woman seeking women, in which case whomever instigates the messaging pays).

It definitely is a hookup place for married people looking, but it isn't just for hookups. People are asked if they want one night stands, a short term affair, or a long term affair. Sadly, a lot of people in the hotwife community use this forum because they feel like married people are "safer" for their own marriages. I find that hypocrisy beyond appalling.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 3 years) & DBF (dating 2 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 698   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8676911
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 3:26 AM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Rugsweep can get a repeat. The core problem isn’t fixed.

AM is a hook up site for sex. Random men is a good way to pick up an STD.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8676919
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 6:52 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

To those that insist that because his wife had an affair then she’s eternally branded as a cheater, destined to cheat again, lacks morals and all that other gibberish then please read the OP original post. He acknowledges that HE cheated early on in the marriage, and by using the same logic then HE should be eternally branded, destined to cheat, lacks morals and all that other gibberish…

We here on SI are firm on that no matter the state of your marriage the decision to cheat (be it emotionally or physically) is NEVER the correct response nor is it what causes the wayward spouse to cheat. I want to be firm on that because what I will write next might be misunderstood.

I’m guessing that when YOU cheated (you mention infidelities early on in your relationship) those infidelities were rugswept. Problem with rugsweeping such a serious issue is that it seldom goes away. It simply festers and grows and adds resentment and anger. At some point your WW DECIDED to go on AM. It wasn’t like she was registering for an online offer for a coffeemaker and it automatically transferred her to AM. She researched, read about, looked up and REGISTERED. It’s conscious decision.

I’m guessing that your past infidelity – the undealt with, the rugswept one – was in her justification of why she allowed herself to do it. I’m not saying it is, but rather that SHE used it as justification.

Now… IMHO for you two to heal you need to come completely clean to each other. No lies, no compromises, but with honesty and openness…

I would make it clear to her that if she’s unhappy and thinks her solution to that would be found outside the marriage then she’s free to do so. But not as your wife.

You can tell her how you regret your past infidelities and how you have been faithful to the vows for the last XX years. Be honest here… if you had a dalliance some years ago she doesn’t know off then THIS is the time to be 100% honest. As long as this is the marriage you want.

Let her know that if she wants to be with the OM, meet other people or whatever… she CAN do so. Only not as your wife. Tell her you care too much for her to hold her back if she thinks her happiness lies elsewhere.

Divorce? Not big issue. There are laws in place to ensure you both get a relatively fair shake. It’s better for her to cut her losses now if she truly thinks her satisfaction is found elsewhere. It’s not what you want, but if shes unhappy in the marriage and feels this desperate need to search elsewhere… heck… losing her beats sharing her.

I think that once both YOU and HER realize there is nothing holding you together other than a willingness and a want to be together is when you two can start rebuilding and trying to create the marriage you both want.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8677055
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SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 12:34 AM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

  Moving to Just Found Out

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8677387
Topic is Sleeping.
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