Hello Everyone I am still here and here is an update:
I have taken the advice on here pretty closely although not perfectly.
My wife is going to quit the job by going to HR and hopefully ending both of their employments at my job.
She has been in IC focusing on herself
I have had my first IC session.
I have told her that D is very much an option still and if in the future there is a lie no matter how small that I will end it. Cheating again is obviously also instant divorce.
We did keep our MC session mostly because it was already scheduled. I will say it went quite well and the MC said many of the things that you all have said and really didn't try to "wipe it under the rug" or put any of the blame on myself.
My wife knows all of this is because of her. and choices she made.
Oh I got the whole story and the timeline makes a lot of sense and it matches up with calls and such.
I have told her we are going to have a polygraph done and she is acceptable of that. I told her that if something flagged there it will be D.
Thing is there are no polygraph services in the area? So not really sure what to do there.
I have started reading "What makes love last" and it has been quite eye opening and has made me more critical of myself and our M before the A happened. I really like the book I wish I was given it on my wedding day and forced to read it.
She has nearly finished "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" and she has been receptive of the information. Upon my read through of the book I feel like she was already taking steps that the book was pointing out already.
I personally am still up and down with feelings of sadness and anger. I feel very consumed by the feelings at times and I know it has affected my parenting and likely my work.
I reflect on all the ways I could have stepped in and stopped the affair before it got to the point it did. I had caught her lying way early on about a lunch she had with him and I didn't press it.
I feel so many negative emotions. My wife has been doing her best to boost me up although sometimes it doesn't work and I feel inconsolable. I hope these negative feelings go away with time?
I know I have to build myself up and I am certain that IF we make it through all this still in a marriage I know it will be a better one. I still have "Not "just friends"" to read and "after the affair" to read. I am hoping to find something that helps me through this.
Okay thanks everyone for all of the advice and kindness I appreciate it.