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4 year Antiversary of DDay1

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Chaos (original poster Member #61031) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

Well – my 4 year Antiversary of DDay1 just passed and I had no idea. I realized it when a FB memory popped up of the day after – where my then 14 year old daughter and I went to lunch – desperately trying for a sense of normalcy and a break from being at home. In that photo there are 2 smiling people and anyone looking would have no idea we were so traumatized. The effort that took still boggles my mind.

Yes – the LTA then went underground for another 15 months before I found out and ultimately exposed to OBS. Then there was the visit to the local precinct due to that aftermath and threats put out on me by LTAP. And we just recently had to send a Cease and Desist to LTAP when we discovered LTAP cyberstalking and attempting to reach out using fake profiles.

4 years. Both seems like the blink of an eye and an eternity at the same time. 4 years I’ve lived with the truth that my WH had a LTA. At times I feel like Atlas carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. At times, I can almost forget this happened to me. At times I feel in-between.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and my own resiliency. I’ve learned a lot about WH. I’ve learned a lot about toxic people and how scary some really can be. I learned I can hold others together while my own world is falling apart and learned that I can keep others from knowing. I learned that doing so may be effective but really isn’t healthy. I learned I can’t pour from an empty cup and made my self-care a major priority. I’ve learned WH had a side he kept very hidden [he’s since had a shit ton of IC]. I’ve learned there is no shame in IC and currently am going again myself after this Cease and Desist thing. I’ve learned it OK to not be OK. I’ve learned to ask for help. I’ve learned to lean into the triggers and feel the feels. I’ve learned triggers happen and suck but we can learn to process them. I’ve learned to have a plan and a backup plan (for triggers, for marriage, for life). I’ve learned there is a world of healing and help out there [thanks SI]. I’ve learned to keep fu*king going. I’ve learned the world will keep on turning – it up to me if I want to hide in the basement or dance in the sun.

Some days, I do wonder when this became my life. Some days I do hurt. Some days I do succumb to Lizard Brain. Most days, I just go about the business of being my usual BASGU [bad ass sparkly goddess unicorn] self.

Infidelity has changed me. I won’t let it define me.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3264   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8674839
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Want2BHappyAgain ( Member #45088) posted at 9:41 PM on Monday, July 12th, 2021

LOVE THIS !!! Thanks so much for sharing!!!

WOW...you have been through a LOT in 4 years!! But you have SURVIVED...and it seems like you are THRIVING beautifully with your BASGU self !!!

Very inspirational !!! You know...this would be a pretty good post to put in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5567   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8674929
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 9:43 AM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

Thank you for sharing this. Very insightful.

Maybe if the AP would just stop the stalking you could heal more fully. I hope one day it ends though she sounds mentally ill so it seems unlikely she will move on.

So sorry for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10519   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8675057
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Sofarsogood ( Member #71991) posted at 12:53 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

You are so strong and yet so realistic. Here's to coping when the sun shines and dancing when it rains!

posts: 272   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8675072
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fareast ( Member #61555) posted at 2:30 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

It’s a hell of a way to go through self discovery but you have emerged four years later, stronger, more resilient, like the rockstar you are. You never deserved any of the crap dumped on your life. None of us do. But your response has been an inspiration. Keep going BASGU!

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 2794   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8675083
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:04 PM on Tuesday, July 13th, 2021

BASGU - yes.

Thanks for sharing.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25999   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8675113
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Want2BHappyAgain ( Member #45088) posted at 9:03 PM on Wednesday, July 14th, 2021

THANK YOU !!

It is like Christmas in July...TWO positive posts were put in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread in the past two days...y'all are on a ROLL!!!

Remember the page your post is on...and four years from now you can look back and see how much farther you have come !! I do that every now and then...and it sure is a BIG difference in the writing style! MUCH more confident NOW in my R being forever !!!

Here's to four more years of being a super BASGU !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5567   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8675559
Topic is Sleeping.
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