Come from a position of strength.
Women are repulsed by weakness and attracted to strength.
Now that you know what is going on, YOU ARE IN CONTROL!! Do NOT do the “pick me” dance. You will only come across as weak.
First, you need to confront her, which you have done, to make sure she knows that you know what she has been up to, and yes, it is most definitely an affair. And just because they haven’t actually touched each other physically, they have been very intimate with each other.
Next, you must decide what YOU want. She does not enter into this part of the equation at all. Do you want to remain in a sexless marriage? Do you want to remain in a marriage where she feels free to sext any guy she meets online?
Again, this stage is all about what you want. Not her!!
Go get a consult with an attorney to see what your legal options are and the cost of the various options. Let her know that you are seeing an attorney.
She is probably following the idea that the best defense is a good offense. Don’t let her get away with it! If she complains about you or the marriage, tell her that you will take 50% of the responsibility for the marriage problems, but you are in the same marriage as she is and you haven’t cheated on her, and that 100% of the responsibility for the affair is on her.
If she claims that it is not an affair, tell her fine. Then say that you will send all of the screenshots to her siblings, parents, and best friends and ask them if they believe it is an affair and if her actions are appropriate.
Tell her that it is still to new of a situation for you to have decided what you are going to do. However, tell her as part of your decision making process, you will be making an appointment with an attorney. Continue by telling her that if she wants to stay married, she will do the following.
1). Give you all information about The scumbag that she knows. Full name, address, phone numbers, email, text, etc.
2). Find out if she has contacted him since you confronted her about The affair. She has. But if not, pretend to be her and send him a message from her phone asking for his mailing address as you have something special you want to send him. You do this to help find out if he has a wife or girlfriend, who you will let know what is going on.
3). Have her write out a timeline of the affair, including when she thought that doing things for him was ok but not for her husband.
4). After you confirm his address, have her write a no contact letter, which you will approve, and send to him.
5). Get usernames and Passwords for ALL of her accounts, including bank and credit cards. You want the financials to see if she has been sending him money or gifts.
Check all social media accounts. Has anything been deleted?
If it has, tell her that this is VERY BAD if she wants to stay
Tell her that you are taking both her old and new phones to see if any deleted messages can be recovered.
6). Tell her that she can’t expect to have a polygraph in the relatively near future, at a time of your choosing.
7). She is not to go on ANY type of social media until you say differently. Tell her she might as well get a dumb cell phone that only makes callls.
Tell her that her failure to agree to all of the above AND abide
By them will result in you filing for divorce immediately.
Good luck and stay strong.
I promise you will get through this. It will be tough, but you will get through it.
[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 9:21 AM, July 6th (Tuesday)]