Newest Member: HeartbrokenWife76

Just Found Out :
Just found out husband cheated on previous wife- when pregnant

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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 5:00 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

FWIW, I would tell former AP's BH. Read some posts in the threads for those who found out years' later....

And I think the red flags WRT your current husband are HUGE....
Someone being dishonest from the get go.... engaging in sketchy behavior with another woman in the honeymoon phase of your M... the history of infidelity.

IMO, 7 years is not a very long time.

He has.... been a ‘stand up guy’, and I never had any reason to doubt him. Until now. Every discussion we have ever had about trust, fidelity, deal breakers, you name it, the responses have been exactly what I needed to hear to have no doubt about him. The way my kids took to him, and the mutual friends me shared, gave no indication of this.

Mine too. The total Boy Scout. Devoted in every way (still makes me wanna barf to hear those in our social circle tell me how they can tell he just "adores" me). Coached kids sports. VERY active in local community and school stuff.... the "go to" guy for ethical questions. And a serial cheater for pretty much his entire life.

Cheaters don't just change on their own (ask me how I know look )
Cheaters don't magically become safe partners with time or by providing the passwords and GPS coordinates.
They don't change w/o serious introspection/reflection, honesty, accountability, empathy, etc. Even if they aren't actively engaging in an A, they are still just "dry drunks".

IMO, he needs some SERIOUS and deep dive IC, and until he does that, he is NOT a safe partner.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3427   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8690801
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:56 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

As for his friend, now you know how he thinks, his immaturity, I'd be on the watch when those two hang out as well. Just seems like a lot of work to have to police your spouse.

I'd question whether the value of this friendship compensates for the risk. Who we hang out with does color our world views. Hanging out as a married person with someone fully in meshed in the pickup mindset does the opposite of strengthening a persons tendency towards fidelity. Your husband has shown he is susceptible to straying. I'm not sure I'd want to risk continuing the friendship.

posts: 764   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8690857
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