I (m30) have been with my wife (f30) for 14 years, married for 5. She’s amazing, annoying sometimes, but all minor. She’s an amazing stepmom to my daughter, who’s 14 and needs a strong female roll model. She always said I was the best and I spoiled her.
Our sex life was fantastic. At least 3-4 times a week, minimum. Sometimes 2-3 times a night. We talked about having a threesome with another woman before, and got real close once, but she decided she couldn’t handle it emotionally. That was about 2 years ago. I never looked back.
At least 3 of her friends have had physical, extramarital affairs. I always joked that they would convince her to do it, or that since they did it, so she might think it’s ok. She always assured me she wouldn’t, she could never…
She always kept her phone in her pillowcase, so she could hear her alarms. I never really had a need to snoop. But on this morning, it was just out and on the bed. So I looked. No weird texts. I accidentally took a screenshot. So I went into her pictures, to delete it, I was embarrassed for being nosy. I went into the deleted file to double delete it. And there were some nudes in there, nudes I have never seen. I went back into her main picture file, and started to scroll up. There were a bunch of nudes I have never seen. Hundreds of pictures and I only got back to April of this year. And they were everywhere, at the house, in the car, at her job, in public restrooms. Using all the toys that me and her had used together. And I found one of her tits, with another mans name written on them. It said “blank’s sl*t”. I sent that picture to my phone.
I quit smoking six months ago. I called into work and drove to the gas station for cigarettes. She woke up and called me. I told her to call in so we could talk, she asked why, and I said we need to talk about this guy.
She was in the front yard when I got home. We stayed there to avoid waking up my daughter. She told me she met him 2 years ago. He said she was pretty and he gave her his number. The pictures and sexting started immediately. She says she never met him in person again and I believe her. She says none of her friends know about it, and I believe that too.
I’m so hurt. How could she do this? I pay the mortgage, both car payments, the phone bill. I want to leave her with no where to go, no way to get there, and no way to call for help. I feel like the life we’ve been building means nothing. I’m bouncing wildly from angry to distraught. Every memory from the last two years has been tainted. She said she couldn’t lose me, that it was a mistake. She couldn’t give me a reason why she did it either. I told her I want to fuck her best friend in front of her as revenge, and she agreed. This chick has wanted to be with me for a while, and never hid it. So I knew she’d agree, but I mostly said I wanted to to hurt my wife and get even. I don’t even know if I want to actually do it.
This was all two days ago, and she keeps pushing to start marriage counseling. I don’t know if I want to stay yet. I feel like she would still be talking to him today if I didn’t find out. And she wants to start counseling now? I need to process. The only things keeping me around currently are her abilities as a stepmom, I believe that she never met him physically, and I believe none of her friends know. If any of those are compromised, it’s over.
I can’t talk to anyone about this, I’m so embarrassed. I feel so stupid. All the times she said she preferred to work at the office, all the times I thought she was playing stupid games on her phone, anytime she went to the restroom in public while we were out together, it’s all running through my head. All the times we joked about her friends being cheaters, and she assured me she wasn’t like that.
Right now, I want fix it. But there’s a few things I think I need. I don’t think I want to have sex with her friend, thinking about it, that’s really fucked up. I want to have sex with somebody, so I feel like I got more than even, turn this into a net positive, and know that if we stay together, it’s because I want her, not need her.
If we don’t stay together, I feel like I can never trust another woman, like she ruined me.
Either way, I’m damaged goods. I really don’t know what I want or need. My head is going crazy, I can’t eat or sleep. I can’t tell anybody, because of the embarrassment. I just want advice, comfort, anything.
I’m sorry if this format is wrong, or if this is the wrong place for this sort of thing. I just wanted to talk to somebody. What do I do? How do I go on?