I know it's still hard for you right now. I thought all along that you're already over her but it seems you're still longing to be with her. That's to be expected. But please, see the real woman inside of her not the woman you thought her to be. She's not the woman you love, she's not her anymore.
You basically have all the answers to all your questions from your vent:
Maybe I need to try writing more? Getting my emotions out onto paper? I have always loved writing but I have a hard time writing in a journal as myself. Maybe I need to try it a different way.
1. Yes and Yes. You should write more. Put into writing all of your emotions. Pour them on. Nobody's going to stop you from doing it. It's for your own good.
I do that a lot too.
2. Don't keep everything to yourself. Reach out to your family. I know you're pretty close with your Dad. Write him more. I believe he's always there for you. From your letter to him, you seem to be a daddy's boy. He's there for you and he will always be there. That's for sure.
Going on a road trip also sounds great to me right now. I was actually thinking of going out of town next weekend to a nearby city to go to a couple MLB games Friday and Saturday night. Just chill in the city by myself and enjoy my time at a ball game and eating a bunch of good food.
Yes, you shoud do these things a lot. Focus on yourself now. Go to places. Discover more. Be one with nature.
I’m scared and nervous for the future. I’m terrified of moving back to the state I grew up in….because it’s a very "religious" area and I am not part of that religion anymore. Thus, I’m nervous about meeting someone who’s not part of the religion too and has similar beliefs and lifestyles as I do.
Who doesn't? We don't know what the future brings. But I say this to you! Your future is bright compared to your STBXW. I can guarantee that. Her future as I see it is bleak.
Moving back to the area doesn't mean you need to be going back to your old religion. I believe they will understand your wishes. Some people would try to encourage you to go back, and that is expected but if you're firm on your belief that you don't want to, then just tell them straight.
Don't focus on the religion when trying to meet someone. What if she belongs to that religion. You can discuss things together, correct? You're a lawyer and I believe you are better at speaking than anybody else. So you have a better communication skills.
I am anxious about meeting someone new and dating again. A lot of my old friends and people I used to know don’t live there anymore. I’m nervous about finding a place to live. I’m nervous about being….capable of dating again. I want to have sex again. I miss it. But I’m also nervous to be with someone else sexually again…my confidence is shot. I feel like: I couldn’t even satisfy my wife?? She didn’t even want to have sex with me. Why would anyone else? What if I’m not good enough? What if I don’t know how to do it right? I can’t get out of my head about this and I fear the moment it happens again (if ever), I’ll clam up and it’ll suck.
Don't be afraid of meeting someone new. It doesn't need to be now but just go out. Don't go out just for the sake of meeting someone. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't need to be forced. You might find the perfect girl in the long run while doing the stuff you love. It doesn't need to be immediate. Just let things work out for you.
I know you feel emaciated right now. But her seeking sexual pleasure with another man is not your fault. You are enough.
You will find sexual pleasure soon but it's not from this woman. I wouldn't advise to seek sexual pleasure with her. Don't do that. She's not worth it.
You are enough for you as a person. Whatever her issues with you, she clearly didn't communicate with you. She clearly doesn't see you as a person which started from a year ago. She had her own issues and didn't say them to you. She believes you didn't give her enough validation but that's her problem, not yours. You were planning for your future but she was planning for an immediate pleasure.
Moving forward, just do whatever you do to make yourself busy. Go harder on 180 and grey rock. Don't look back!!!! Just don't!
She will come around, believe me, she will! But it will be too late for her. I don't want to accept someone like that if I were you! She doesn't deserve you!
All the best!
[This message edited by beb252 at 2:44 AM, Sunday, July 11th]