Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Just Found Out :
Pretty certain my (28M) wife(27F) is having an emotional affair

Topic is Sleeping.
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 3:33 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

So, new office, new Marks for her. It's Mark's problem from now on.

Ok, it looks like you're a good person but you just should be happy for yourself. She doesn't deserve to be cared for. Let alone wanting something good, she should be thankful that you don't want anything bad for her.

When people whose lives I could have ruined harmed me, I could not harm them. They deserved all that was going to happen to them, but it wouldn't suit me to do.

But I was also very uncomfortable not having done anything. While talking to my best friend, I asked; "Is doing evil to the wicked good or evil?"

He gave me a quote from Nietzchse; "To do evil to the wicked is good, and not to do it is cowardice."

I chose to remain a coward for the moment, but I never again allowed myself to be harmed.

posts: 480   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8671876
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 5:14 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

A good hard no contact will get you over the heart break you are experiencing now. Probably a lot quicker than you think.

The thing about NC is it brings clarity quickly.

posts: 6623   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8671966
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ThemeforaJackyl2 ( new member #75686) posted at 7:31 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

What would be the chances that Marky is getting a new job as well? Imagine if its at the same place as her. Naw, that wouldn't happen.

posts: 9   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2020
id 8672019
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 9:12 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

If Mark is getting a new job, it only means that they've been reprimanded or on administrative leave or something similar from their office. Based on CCB's previous posts, their firm treats infidelity cases seriously and they were in trouble previously because of one similar incident. Maybe CCB's case has already been discussed.

posts: 378   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8672046
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Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 9:54 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

The good news is that the day after her last day at her current job that you can report the situation to HR without worrying about it impacting the alimony arrangement. Also - I'd ask inquisitive about her job job to get as much information as you can about it. Her making more money is only a good thing for you in terms of seperation.

posts: 1716   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2017
id 8672052
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Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 5:34 AM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

Good for getting out of this. But l feel she still has no respect for you or has faced or had any accountability for her betrayal.

This D is a clean slate for her, new job, new abode, new life with her preferred partner. Expose this to all.

One day at a time

[This message edited by Buffer at 1:55 PM, July 3rd (Saturday)]

Buffer

posts: 1192   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8672117
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster member #78991) posted at 4:10 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I returned from my Fourth of July weekend with my family. It was a good to be with the people who truly love and support me most. We ate a ton of good food, got a lot of exercise, and I truly tried to remain unplugged as much as possible. I read a lot of books, did a lot of running, and was able to discuss upcoming plans regarding my new job, moving to a new city, and moving forward through the healing process.

Barely talked to my wife - apart from random texts regarding dog-care needs. When I arrived home last night, she wasn't there (I actually saw her car pulling out of our driveway as I was turning down the street). Guess where she went? She told me she was going to "Help Mark move his stuff into his new office."

I spent the evening with my puppy, watching our favorite show. I didn't respond to my wife at all.

It pisses me off. I've already made my decision to leave and to move on with my life, but it still hurts.

It hurts that she seemingly expresses ZERO remorse for the pain and heartbreak she has caused me. It hurts that she thinks she's done NOTHING wrong and that I am the unreasonable one. It hurts that, rather than recognizing her feelings for Mark when they first cropped up, she encouraged them and pursued them and left me in the dust. It hurts that I worked so hard for so long only to have everything come crumbling down like this.

I am angry, I am sad, I am hurting, I am annoyed. I just want the pain to be over.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8672757
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 4:20 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

It’s only proof that there is no way for you to have a happy life right now with her current operating mode. There should be no uncertainty, with what she is doing with Mark, you will never have peace remaining in the relationship.

So only advice is to continue down the D path. It’s the viable option right now. I’m sorry. I know that hurts. But please just know there are hundreds of BS here who have been in your shoes, with up remorseful WS, who have slowly found their way to a better life situation.

Don’t disregard the pain, but please remain hopeful for a happier future without her in it. You will find it and someone that has your love in her heart and not another’s.

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3176   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8672759
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Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 4:23 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

CCB, glad to hear you had a good weekend, other than the very end.

It hurts that she seemingly expresses ZERO remorse for the pain and heartbreak she has caused me. It hurts that she thinks she's done NOTHING wrong and that I am the unreasonable one.

That is very understandable. I think it is an example of the wayward mindset. She needs to tell herself that she did nothing wrong because she can't stand to face up to her actions.

You would also think that out of respect for your M, she could wait until you move out to continue the A, but considering she started the A in the first place, it shows that she had no respect for the M. I think it is a hard thing for a BS to understand.

posts: 1516   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8672760
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 4:32 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

CheesecakeBaker,

In order to recover and/or heal from this trauma, you will need to go NC ASAP. File for divorce and move out to your new location as soon as you can, then go NC. All communication goes through your lawyer. Once you file for divorce, inform your families what has occurred and why so she cannot control the narrative and make you out to be the bad guy. Urge them to get her some help since she is heading down a troubling path. I would also inform the HR department at the law firm. If you're feeling ambitious, inform Mark's family as well about the part he played.

posts: 219   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8672762
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DictumVeritas ( member #74087) posted at 4:34 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Man that hurts, I remember the pain of knowing she was with the OM as clearly as if it was yesterday. It feels like your heart is on fire and you can't reach in and ease the pain.

Just don't grab for alcohol like I did. It helped for the moment, but cost me my business and the respect of my piers in the end. A cost that in hindsight I should not have been willing to pay for the betrayal from a piece of trash such as my ex-wife was (perhaps still is).

The pain goes away as you walk the path to healing, through it, not around it. I'm sorry you are here.

Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2020   ·   location: South-Africa
id 8672764
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 4:35 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

She told me she was going to "Help Mark move his stuff into his new office."

Oh yeah, they haven't had sex yet, right?

Her stupidity is funny, if it didn't cause a tragedy.

By the way, is Mark changing offices too? I was surprised that she left her job with Mark, now it's clear.

I think the fact that both of them quit their job confirms our previous thoughts. Either they were fired because of their A, or they went looking for a job before being fired.

Let her do whatever she's doing and keep doing hard 180.

The best thing you can do is to live your best life. One day she'll realize what she's done and apologize to you, but when that happens, you won't care.

posts: 480   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8672766
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clouds777 ( member #72442) posted at 5:17 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Mark and your wife are beneath you. They are both starting a relationship KNOWING the other would cheat. Good riddance.

I know it hurts but continue to go gray rock until you move and can be completely no contact forever. When she wants to be friendly or reach out to you when she or Mark cheats, ignore her. You're doing all the right things.

[This message edited by clouds777 at 11:18 AM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

posts: 128   ·   registered: Jan. 1st, 2020
id 8672781
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 6:01 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I am angry, I am sad, I am hurting, I am annoyed. I just want the pain to be over.

Keep processing it. The more you do, the sooner that you will be through it.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3820   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8672808
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 6:55 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

My only advice at this point is that you resolve your living arrangements ASAP. If she or you can move out now that would help in the healing process. I have a dog and had dogs when I broke up with my ex-wife so I understand your concern about the future of your pup. Again, work that out ASAP so that you can move on quickly. The quicker you can go NC, the faster this nightmare will begin to recede in your mind. Meanwhile do not engage in any conversation with her. Do not ask where she is going and do not tell her your business. Go NC as much as possible. Hell, if you have a platonic female friend, take her to dinner so that you can maybe vent. Just do everything you can to avoid your WW.

My ex-wife had absolutely no concern regarding my welfare during the time we had to cohabitate (3 months). But unlike your situation, I had reached the point where I despised her. Such a relief and day of celebration once she left.

[This message edited by src9043 at 1:58 PM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

posts: 417   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8672822
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Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 7:21 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

You are finally seeing her for who and what she truly is. Before now, her true identity was hidden by the rose colored glasses you were wearing. She is a vile person!

The good news is that you discovered this before you two had children. You dodged a major bullet!

The best thing you can do is go COMPLETELY no contact with her!!!! Zip!! Nada!! Nothing!!! The no reason to talk to her at all. Let your lawyer do all your talking for you!

Exercising her from your life through zero contact is the only way to heal yourself from her betrayal!

Do you have a target date for your move?

Good luck, stay strong, and I promise you will get through this

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8672830
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 7:22 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

There is nothing fair about infidelity. Just the opposite. The truth behind infidelity and divorce rarely if ever comes out.

Your wife is in deep deep denial and desperately seeking to convince herself that she's a good person.

In addition, as part of her cover story to herself and the world, she wants to create the impression that the divorce is mutual and friendly.

Your wife is just a typical cheater. She was a ticking time bomb and there was nothing you could have done to prevent her inappropriate behavior.

Her relationship with Marc will eventually fail and she will reach out to you. Do not be available or respond to her in any way.

Exit the apartment asap.

posts: 2413   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8672831
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 7:34 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

It sucks. Hard no contact is your only good path.

She doesn’t give a damn about. All you have control over is you. Use it wisely.

Guess where she went? She told me she was going to "Help Mark move his stuff into his new office."

Why even discuss that or ask? Ignore her. All you’ll get is more pain.

[This message edited by Marz at 1:37 PM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

posts: 6623   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8672836
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ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 8:21 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

It hurts that she seemingly expresses ZERO remorse for the pain and heartbreak she has caused me

At the end of the day, she is stuck with herself, a self-centered individual.

Long term, Waywards don’t get what they expect, they get what they deserve, especially for Waywards that leave their spouse for their AP.

Your odds at having a happy fulfilling life is a lot higher than hers.

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1438   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8672857
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 9:28 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

CCB,

Glad you enjoyed your July 4th weekend.

Everything that's going on between your STBXW and Mark now has been confirmed by our previous thought or observations or facts, maybe. We knew that the firm treats infidelity seriously as previously mentioned. So after you talked to a partner, they immediately took action and talked to both your STBXW and Mark. They were either let go or forced to leave the firm. Which again confirmed by how the things are going on now. Of course your wife won't tell you that they were either let go or forced to leave. So it also confirms that there was and there is still an ongoing affair. Her thoughts about you were gone for the last 6 months.

Let's go back to what's going on now. Your STBXW helping out Mark move his stuff to his new office, yes that definitely strikes a chord there. But this is to be expected for a woman who's still deep in the affair fog. She hasn't gone back to reality yet. She's still, in her mind, not doing anything bad. But everyone around her and Mark knows that what they're doing is bad. The firm confirmed it since they were let go and of course you know it too.

Once you file for D, that fantasy will definitely be broken for real. Your STBXW might come back or not, but it will be too late by then. I suggest you continue your 180. Do things on your own from now on. Be selfish as they've been selfish and ignored your presence for the long time.

Again, good luck and all the best to you!

posts: 378   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8672889
Topic is Sleeping.
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