I'm typing this as I'm at lunch so I'm sorry if my answers are half-baked.
Robert22205https, I live in NYC, as per my lawyer divorce can take from 6 weeks to over a year depending on if both parties will decide to make it difficult. Yes, grounds are acceptable reasons for divorce. No, I cannot and will not sue OM for AOA. To those wondering, I didn't hire a private detective. I know enough to access her phone and computer. I have her phone history records, texts, videos sent to each other by both of them, withdrawals from our bank account taken during her "adventures" with OM, locations during this time (several confirming she was at an expensive hotel and at his rental). I do not plan to expose her though. Nothing will be coming out of my mouth, only me, my friend, and my siblings know and I don't plan on adding to the list.
sisoon, Would I want to R? If I knew the answer to this, I wouldn't be here. Is D best for you, or is it an act of running away from a problem?
Maybe I am running away. Has your lack of confrontation come from fear? It came from sadness and hope.What do you want?
My wife and my kids.
guvensiz, In terms of avoiding interaction with my wife, it's not that hard. I'm in finance and am currently working my way to a more lucrative position. It is very time demanding and I spend most of my time at work and my office. But I do try to be there for my family. Whenever I have free time, I spend them with the kids and my wife, I'm not the kind of dad who spends his weekends golfing. Now intimacy with her has been rare, about 3 times this 2 months. Most of it is due to her affair but I'm not gonna lie, I often go home/finish work incredibly exhausted and I just don't have the energy.Maybe she has distanced herself already or did she just sense something wasn't right by your side? I definitely feel some distance between us when covid started. And to see texts she has with her OM, she's like a completely different woman.
beb252, I am one
babypuke, I didn't get an STD test because, In my wife's texts with AP, they actually got an STD test before they "consummated their love", Gee thanks I guess...
And yes jinkazama, I had sex with her last night. Are you sure about moving out won't make problems for custody of kids if it doesn`t work out? She's a SAHM and I'm occupied most days of the week, I told my lawyer and I've come to terms that she'll get the kids most of the time. They're young and need their mom for food, school, and basic things toddlers need. I won't be a deadbeat though. Never. I'll try to get them 3 weekends a month (hopefully it won't come to that).
How did I keep this all to myself for 2.5 months? Well, I was drowning myself with work which was already taxing in itself, avoiding and rejecting intimacy sometimes with my wife, focusing on the kids. A mixture of denial, rug sweeping, and defeat.
I do get mind-movies and the occasional 1000- mile stare, but not as often as others here. I think it's because of the abuse I got when I was young. I do not know, maybe I'll get a therapist.
goalong, I'll make other arrangements then.
I'll get to my story next, I just had to answer the questions to get them out of the way.
[This message edited by ASoreLoser at 12:06 PM, June 21st (Monday)]