I'm sorry to hear of the horrible things your H has done to you. I think you're in shock. It's normal to be traumatized after finding all the different things those two have done.
I'm a stay at home mom and I also take care of my dad who we live with
Open an account in your name only. Something your H can't use. Start making deposits. If (D) decides she likes your H, your lifestyle and house more than she likes her own, I don't think she's going to want to buy food, medicine and gift cards for you and your dad.
Get checked for STDs. It's possible (D) took one look at your H and just needed him, but it's more likely she's been, ah, friendly with many coworkers in the past, such as suppliers, delivery men, security guys, truckers, maybe even customers.
See an attorney. Do not tell anyone. Find out what you can get in terms of alimony for being a SAHM. Just know what could happen if worst comes to worst.
IMHO, most of what you believe is not true. The 3 or 4 weeks? Only if you can independently verify it. Maybe months, maybe years. You do not know.
He said he told her from the beginning he loved his family and would never leave them.
Maybe happened, maybe not. If it did, why did he have to tell her he'd never leave his family? Did she want him to? After 3 weeks? I don't think so.
You do know they are in love with each other. That means they are not going to give each other up easily. Certainly not when you have bought her a place to stay and they don't have to screw in some cramped office where people could walk in on them.
he was suppose to be on vacation a few days but he'd work 1/2 day and be off.
Was this 1/2 day week of vacation since she's been out of her house? Can you verify he worked those mornings? Where he worked?
I honestly don't think this is going to end well for you. Mainly because you seem woefully unprepared for what is happening. For what most likely will happen.
So yesterday I booked it and me being nice got all kinds of gift cards for her and cash.
You do not give things to the woman who wants your husband. I don't care how meek she sounded on D Day. She loves your husband and has now taken a measure of you as a foe. You are in the battle of your life.You can't be a cream puff, even a nice one. She isn't going to be nice to you if it dawns on her she might get a cozy house with your H, your house, plus the settlement she'd get from her ex.
get a bank account etc seeing as her husband has control of everything.
Who said this? Unless the OBS told you directly, this is probably not true either. If she told your H who told you, it's def not true. OW who play the poor widdle me game will say anything about their BHs. Some would even say their BHs are going to come to the workplace and shoot the place up if it meant they can get sympathy from someone's husband. OW lie. That's all they do is lie.
I that she sent text messages to him this morning so when he gets home I want to see them if they better be business related and he better not of deleted them.
The affair will not be over until they have lived out their natural lives with never having seen, spoken or contacted each other again. What has your H told you about going NC and being transparent with her texts?
I did call her husband back the other day to thank him for calling me
Please keep in contact with him. He's probably the best friend you have. You're going to want to know if he decides to D. If your H is seeing her and you are paying for her lodging, you are almost like being sister wives. Once divorced, you don't know what your H is going to do. Maybe he figures he can buffalo you into letting her move in. After all, isn't her predicament his fault? (NO! in case you still think it is.)
I need to work on something he said
NO! You could be a full blooded werewolf with acne and halitosis and it still would be 100% HIS fault to have sex with another person.
if in the early mornings I need to take a road trip to make sure they aren't together
Where did they...? At work, her house? Not later in the day? How did the OBS find out? Did he catch them?
It's going to wear you out to be your H's warden, but for a short determined amount of time, like a month or two, you can do it. VAR his vehicle and get control of his phone, knowing they will probably switch to a burner phone. Your H will probably buy one for her. VAR the hell out of his car and maybe VAR the company car if he uses the same one every day and brings it home. WS love to talk to the AP in their cars. They feel safe.
Lovers also text constantly. All day long. The first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.
While it is true waywards hate coming home to an angry questioning spouse, and it compares badly to the loving arms of the AP, you can be loving and civil to your WS and still harden yourself enough to demand fidelity and transparency from your WH.
Most of all, this woman must be cut out of your lives like the cancer she is. No sob stories. No more gift cards. Zero. You have opened a door that should have never existed and now you're going to have a dickens of a time shutting it.