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My fiance cheated on me with my sister and I can't handle it.

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Alexandra95 posted 4/3/2021 16:54 PM

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, and we got engaged about a month ago. Our relationship has been great. He was always kind to me, and made me feel special and loved. Although we've had some minor conflicts from time to time, we've always been able to understand each other and communicate effectively. However, I always felt that he was obsessed with my younger sister.

To be honest, I've always been jealous of my sister. She's much more attractive than I am. She's slim, tall, has long blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, DD cup boobs and a beautiful face. I, on the other hand, am just ordinary. I know looks aren't everything, but I want to be pretty too! I wear a lot of makeup and try so hard to make myself look good, but she's three times prettier than me without even trying. She just sits on the couch eating junk food and playing video games all day and stays super pretty.

Around a few months ago, I noticed that my fiance was liking my sister's pictures on Facebook. I didn't think much about it there and then, but I was aware that something was fishy.

Three days ago, my fiance invited my sister over to play a new co-op game. Coincidentally, we ran out of groceries so I went out to buy some. When I came back, I couldn't believe my own eyes when I found them cuddling and kissing on the couch. I lost my temper and stormed at them as I screamed. They let go of each other as soon as they saw me, and asked me to calm down. I've had that suspicion for a long time, and it turned out to be true. I told my fiance that we were over and that I never wanted to see him again while I walked out of the house crying. My sister followed me and tried to comfort me while I cried, but I was angry.

My fiance tried to text me saying that he loves me and that he would never cheat on me, but I blocked him on all social media.

I have nowhere else to stay so I'm currently living with my parents and sister. I've been trying to avoid my sister, but she keeps trying to apologize and start conversations with me. She says she feels extremely guilty and that she'd never want to hurt my feelings.

I had a talk with my sister this morning. I asked her if there was anything going on between her and my (ex-)fiance, and she broke down in tears. She admits that they had been intimate with each other several times over the past few weeks, but she says she turned him down every time he asked her to have sex.

She apologized constantly while crying, but I told her to leave me alone. She wants to make up to me, but I don't know if I should forgive her or not.

How do I handle this? My life has fallen apart and I don't see the point in anything anymore...

cheatingisabuse posted 4/3/2021 17:00 PM

She sounds really insecure. I’d cut the fiancé off (wtf does he mean he wouldn’t cheat? You caught him cheating!) and as for the insecure “pretty” sister, she brought this on herself. I’m not saying no contact forever but I think this is too fresh to decide on rn. If I were you, I’d concentrate on gaining financial independence so you can have your own space.

Chrysalis123 posted 4/3/2021 17:00 PM

Welcome to the best place you never hoped to find.

I am so sorry your sister and your fiancé betrayed you so cruelly. I'm sure you are in shock, so please take special care of yourself. Eat, drink lots of water, cry, sleep, etc.

Lots of people find that a therapist that specializes in infidelity invaluable. Not for you and your fiancé, but for you alone. Having someone to help you through the rough days ahead could be very beneficial.

Neither your sister nor your fiancé should be trusted right now. Believe nothing that comes out of their mouths. Watch the behavior to know what is true.

More people will be along soon. Weekends can be slow.

Oh- there is a healing library over on the left. Lots of helpful information.

Cooley2here posted 4/3/2021 17:02 PM

First, goodbye to the idiot.
Second, how old is your sister? She needs to grow up. Her looks have gotten her lots of attention but it is going to keep backfiring on her. Have you told your family? Do.
Vent here. Lots of people to help you through this.


(((Alexandra)))

annb posted 4/3/2021 17:35 PM

Hi, welcome to SI. Sorry you find yourself here.

Gently, I'd say bye bye to your fiance. Not only did he cheat, he cheated with your sister. No turning back from that. He's a pos, and your sister admitted he's been asking her to have sex. Don't believe your sister either, they might have had sex AND she's in damage control mode right now.

Did you inform your parents?

Please read the articles in the Healing Library, chock full of good information.

cheatingisabuse posted 4/3/2021 17:42 PM

Yeah I totally agree. Ages would be helpful bc your sister sounds like she is a child. Also, I’d tell your parents immediately. Affairs thrive in secrecy. It would also justify/explain why you’re taking space from her

BlueRaspberry posted 4/3/2021 17:48 PM

Alexandra95,

Please keep in mind that none of this is your fault. It has nothing to do with how attractive you may or may not be. This is entirely the fault of your fiance and your sister. Both have serious character flaws and there is nothing you could do to prevent this. In time, you'll be thankful you did NOT marry and/or have children with this man before you found out he is broken.

Please consider IC and go NC with your ex fiance. You found out early, so as painful as this is, you really dodged a bullet.

SnowToArmPits posted 4/3/2021 18:10 PM

She wants to make up to me

Flat out ask her: "How are you going to make it up to me after being intimate with my fiance?"

I guess when she has a fiance she has to share him with you. Sounds fair to me.

Wild guess, the fiance sharing is only ever going to happen in one direction.

Inky posted 4/3/2021 18:17 PM

Jesus, shoot them both to the moon. What absolute assholes.

I’d probably ignore my sister for a good long while and never see the fiancé again. I really can’t even imagine how much you must be hurting. I’m so sorry.

BluerThanBlue posted 4/3/2021 18:33 PM

The next time your sister harasses you with an apology, respond: “Can you un-fuck my fiancé? If not, I don’t want to hear it.”

If she continues to insist she didn’t, just give her a cold stare and ignore her.

There is no reason to ever speak to your asshole ex ever again.

How are your parents reacting to this?

Mene posted 4/3/2021 18:40 PM

Not married, no kids. This is a no brainer. Move on.

Ariopolis posted 4/3/2021 19:20 PM

I always felt that he was obsessed with my younger sister.

You were right.

My fiance tried to text me saying that he loves me and that he would never cheat on me

He was lying.

but I don't know if I should forgive her or not.

I wouldn't be in any hurry. The worst thing is he probably doesn't even mean much other than a conquest for your sister. How old is she? Does she have a boyfriend? I hope she is of age.

I told my fiance that we were over and that I never wanted to see him again

This is the wisest course of action. Keep the ring. When you are as old as I am, have the stone(s) set into a nice pendant or ring and give it to one of your children or grandchildren. There is no need to tell anyone where it came from.

RealityBlows posted 4/3/2021 19:50 PM

It would be interesting to know if she would have let you, HER SISTER marry the cheater, without informing you, knowing he’s a cheater and knowing he doesn’t really love you.

I don’t care how pretty she is, she’s ugly. You’re the one good men will invest and dedicate their lives to.

Your Jackass sister did you a big favor. Let her have your crumbs.

pearlamici posted 4/3/2021 20:38 PM

Neither your sister nor your fiancé should be trusted right now. Believe nothing that comes out of their mouths.

Sofarsogood posted 4/3/2021 21:02 PM

It sounds like your sister craves attention and validation no matter who she hurts. From this point on, I wouldn't trust your sister around any of your romantic interests. As far as your ex fiance (I hope he's an ex), I'd tell him to pound sand!! Some things you can't come back from, and a double betrayal is one of the worst. Take care of yourself and do what's best for you. Find somebody that values you, and is able to see how ugly your sister is on the inside. If she's such a prize, couldn't she pursue somebody other than who you're interested in? Her selfishness just blows my mind!

PricklePatch posted 4/3/2021 21:15 PM

I am so sorry you were betrayed by your fiancé and your sister. I read the last “I don’t see the point in anything anymore”, If your thinking of sucide, please call the sucide hotline.

Your fiancé is clearly a liar. Just kissing your sister is cheating.

As for your sister, she maybe pretty on the outside, but she is damn ugly on the inside.

Having to live with your sister is horrible. I would tell her if there is any chance of forgiveness, she needs to never contact your fiancé again.
Then I would use he grey rock method, to deal with her. Make sure and tell your parents and his why the engagement is off.

Please get in individual therapy ASAP. Also get STD tested, you know he lied, she may not have told the truth about sex. If she admitted it, she would think no forgiveness ever.

Please look at the articles in the Healing Library, in the yellow box to the left.

Please keep posting, it does help.

Bonetired posted 4/4/2021 05:30 AM

I am so sorry about what happened to you.I know it seems like life sucks right now.Your sister may be pretty however she has her own issues if she was cheating with your fiancee.There has got to be something in her that doesn't reflect how you say she looks.Not right now but eventually it would be good for you to rebuild your relationship with your sister.Your fiance however should be a done deal.It may not just be your sister he cheated on you with.If he was able to cross that boundary with her and you have been together the past four years there is no telling how many times he has done this and with whom.You seem to have low self esteem as well that just became worse after this.I am sure you are just as pretty if not more so.Life has a way of balancing that out by the way.I have a wonderful sister who was quite pretty and popular when we were younger.We've all grown much older now however time takes it's toll on youthful beauty.Especially with the way someone lives.What you do in life starts to show on the body.Health is beauty.Take care of what's inside of you as well as outside.Go seek counseling.Look into the healing library and take care of yourself physically.Eventually when you heal There will be more adventures and things in life for you to discover.Who knows.This may someday be the best thing that's ever happened .He slammed that door shut so another one will open with amazing possibilities you could have never seen coming your way.Take care and keep us updated.

The1stWife posted 4/4/2021 06:07 AM

I am so sorry that this happened. The only positive thing is that you were saved from marrying a cheater and a liar. It’s much much worse he cheated on you with your sister!!!

Please get professional counseling. It will help you cope and deal with your issues and trauma. I hope you are willing to invest in yourself right now. It will be the best thing for you.

I don’t know how you are able to live in a home with your sister. Seriously I would want to kill her. Your relationship with her is permanently damaged and it will never be the same. Trust me - you may be cordial or polite or superficially friendly years down the road but that is it.

Where are your parents in all this? What are they doing to help you? Your entire family has been up-ended thanks to your selfish sister.

Counseling is the best solution for you. It will help you heal yourself and figure out the family dynamics too.

Sofarsogood posted 4/4/2021 07:35 AM

It would be helpful to know the age of the sister. With the information that's been provided, I would have difficulty tolerating the sister or the wayward fiance. They both made the choice to betray the original poster not once, but several times. Blood is supposed to be thicker than water, so the sister betrayal is especially deep. Take time for yourself OP, and take care of yourself. If you can stay with a friend for a few days just so you can have some distance and think things through... Just remember lots of people on this site will help you through this. Stay strong!

HouseOfPlane posted 4/4/2021 09:58 AM

I have nowhere else to stay so I'm currently living with my parents and sister...How do I handle this?
Hi Alexandra, sorry you found yourself here.

You handle this by setting a goal and working towards it. Plan on a year or two years from now, living on your own, in a different city, supporting yourself, living your own life, independent of the people who betrayed you. Put them in your rear view mirror.

I’ve found I can tolerate anything if I know it is temporary. For you, this situation is temporary. Tolerate it while you apply all of your energy to that vision of the future.

How old are you?

Sending strength!

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