Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to New Beginnings

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Advice please-Child Support/Maintenance

Jess09 posted 3/29/2021 10:29 AM

I just bought a house which I am very proud of. I had been renting for the past 3 years since the divorce. My goal has been to get my teenage son a bedroom. He is currently sleeping in a loft/hallway area. He never complains which is what made me want get a room for him even more.

My ex just found out and immediately is scheming to try and mess this up or scare me. He tells the kids “If I lose my job I wont have to pay her.” Ok, that I know is incorrect. He will still have to pay me unless he takes me back to court and tries to get it modified. Which we would have to do all over again if he gets a job again.

The fact that he might lose his job is accurate. But mister wonderful would never go a long time without a job. His manipulative personality will get him a job in no time. But at the same time I could see him dragging his feet just to somehow reduce his payments. It hurts his disgusting soul that he has to give me any of his precious money. Even though it is money to feed and give shelter to his children.

Why cant he just be happy for his son finally getting a decent bedroom. Instead of trying to turn this into a negative. It makes me sick!

Guess I am looking for some positive vibes, advice or anyone who has been thru this. Cause now I am scared about buying this home. I am mad that his scare tactics are actually working on me. I never know what he is capable of and no matter how positive of a space I finally get myself into...I will always be scared of what he is planning next to hurt me!

WornDown posted 3/29/2021 12:33 PM

Just because he loses his job doesn't mean he gets to automatically reduce his payments, even by going back to court.

The first thing a judge will say is, "Well, you had a job that paid $XXX, you can get one that does so again."

If he can not, and that means he looked for more than a month, THEN he can make the argument that his new salary should be used - but it will (likely) never be $0.

And...job or not, he's expected to pay every month - on time with every dime.

Since your husband sounds like he's going to be difficult, I would suggest looking into if your state offers the service of collecting the money for you (he would have to pay the state directly, not to you). It costs $25/yr (by fed law, I believe), but all the headaches are taken on by the State, and they have the power to garnish his wages (without you having to go to court). Worth every penny of that $25...

[This message edited by WornDown at 12:33 PM, March 29th (Monday)]

Anna123 posted 3/29/2021 20:06 PM

Cause now I am scared about buying this home.

Did you sign the agreement yet? I personally would hate to have to depend so much on my ex for the roof over my head. I understand all of the things you said about him legally having to pay, but look at the worry it will still cause. It will cause more stress than the bedroom is worth. On the other hand if your lawyer had told you to spend more so your expenses are higher that would be a different story.

Your ex is completely inappropriate talking to your kids about paying you. What a horrible thing to bring up to them. What a child he is! I am sorry you have to continue to deal with his "messed upness". What a dumb jerk.

The1stWife posted 3/29/2021 22:51 PM

Try and have some emergency fund just in case. This way if he doesn’t pay then you get the mortgage paid on time.

And I would definitely garnish his wages. Just do he can be embarrassed and his job. Most will assume he did not pay you what he owed so that is why his wages are garnished.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:23 PM, March 30th (Tuesday)]

Anna123 posted 3/30/2021 08:40 AM

House or no house, ditto on having his payments go through the system. If he tries to communicate outrage, it would be tempting to say his threats are what brought this on -- but once again best to not say a word.

Ditto also on building up a solid emergency fund that will give you a buffer if he messes with you. This fund is not the kids business or his. As far as he knows you need every last dime every month and it is a two way street. If he ever makes more, you can go after him for more support. Always remember that is YOUR money, legally due from the dissolved partnership.

barcher144 posted 3/31/2021 15:51 PM

Why cant he just be happy for his son finally getting a decent bedroom. Instead of trying to turn this into a negative. It makes me sick!

He turns it into a negative because HE IS SICK.

My sense is that the hardest part about buying a house is the downpayment... but once you get past that part... the mortgage payment is similar or less than rent.

So, I say go for it!

p.s. think about how sick someone is that they will injure themselves a lot just to injure someone else a little. That's not normal or healthy.

Simplicity posted 4/1/2021 07:20 AM

I would suggest looking into if your state offers the service of collecting the money for you

Oh I just posted something not quite similar of a problem under the divorce forum (maybe I should have posted here?)! Anyway, I made sure to have the state collect it, and it has been wonderful in terms of it just showing up, no questions asked, as a deposit from the state, without his dumb name, or the need to even get a check that I have to deposit. The only problem I have is this month is the first time in a long time he has shorted me. I am now wondering when I should contact the state about it.

For OP and anyone who collects alimony or child support: go through the state whenever possible!

Return to Forum List

Return to New Beginnings

© 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy