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My reco is to focus on what you want. If you figure that out, and if you act to get what you want, the rest will follow. If you want to stay together, and if you both do the necessary work, you'll R, and sometime within the next 2-5 years you're very likely to wake up and feel fine about your W and yourself and your M.

If you want to D, or if you decide to D because your W or you won't do the necessary work, sometime within the next 2-5 years you're very likely to wake up and feel fine about yourself and your D.

Just emphasizing a very important point above. It doesn't matter how hard you work if someone else is involved. The other person might not want to do the work necessary to achieve the goals you set forth. The relationship is like a rowboat, not a tandem bike. If you do all the work on your oar, you are just going to go in circles.

So far, we are both doing the work: IC, MC, AA, Al Anon, constant communication, radical honesty... She's changing in front of my eyes, which is a good feeling. I'm just trying to live in the now, but it ain't easy.

Yes but can you live with what she did? She can become the best version of herself that she can be, but it doesn't erase the stab wound she put in your back. There is the person and there is the act. You have to deal with who she is and who she is becoming, and then you have to deal wit the shitpile she dumped on your foot. Can you separate them and deal with each apart?

[This message edited by Westway at 11:57 AM, April 16th (Friday)]

Westway, thats a harsh response if he is indeed trying with her. Im sure he knows all that shit and has decided, indeed he wants to make it work, thus why they have been trying for 3months already.