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When you should be happy but you're not

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DragnHeart posted 11/28/2020 18:46 PM

Ummm... what a better use for the internet!

Ill have to get him set up for online shopping with his bank card. He hasn't used his card in so long that the one time he tried to use his card the bank flagged it. He doesn't even get gas for the van. I literally do all the shopping, purchases,banking etc.

DragnHeart posted 11/29/2020 20:44 PM

I had a complete breakdown today.

Sunday is laundry day. Always has been. Everyone knows this. Wh gets up and the first thing he does is get his work clothes ready. His
are washed separately.

The kids know that they must collect all of their clothes and put their baskets into the laundry room. Every Sunday there's huffing and puffing and whining. I have to ask multiple times until i finally lose it and scream at them.

Today i just cried. Told all of them it shouldn't be this difficult to make sure their dirty socks and underwear and other clothes are put in their basket each night, shouldn't be this difficult to put their baskets into the laundry room. I shouldn't have to ask more than once, i shouldn't have to listen to them complain.

And as much as i just want to leave them with no clean clothes and make them suffer from their own choices i cannot. I cannot let them go to school in dirty clothes because then I get in trouble.

So we do this fucking dance every damn Sunday and i hate it. So today i just cried. Told them all off then left. Drove up to the corner store and got a scratch ticket and won $77. I talked with the local group that decorates the flower boxes around town, thanked them for making the town pretty as they put Christmas decorations up.

When i got home all of the laundry was in the laundry room.

Note its the older two kids that make the fuss, the twins will do what i ask. I've told the older kids that Christmas isn't going to happen for them if they don't really make an effort to be responsible for their own things. I'm no longer asking more than once. I'm going to put their names on a sheet on the fridge. Every time they don't do their chores, make a fuss, complain, give me attitude I'm putting a black X. Three black X's and Christmas isn't happening for them. They will sit and watch as the twins open gifts and they will get nothing.

I don't know what else to do.

The cake wh baked was very good. My new bamboo memory foam pillow is AMAZING!!!!! I wish i had bought one sooner! I'm going to make hummus tomorrow with my new blender. Wh and i reinforced the horse shelter in hopes that the impending storm over the next few days won't destroy it. I'm on baby goat watch. We saw my buck and nanny breed but he must not have connected fully because she would have been due already. She is definitely pregnant. But with all of her winter fur i cannot see her udder well. She isn't leaking yet and it doesn't appear that the baby has dropped so at least a couple more weeks. Maybe a Christmas baby? That would be nice.

WhatsRight posted 12/2/2020 11:23 AM

There is much to be said for a little appreciation.

I donít consider myself one who must be applauded at every turn. But when you give something like raising your family or being committed to your marriage, when you give it your allÖ Itís nice sometimes to have someone be appreciative of your efforts.

DragnHeart posted 12/3/2020 08:52 AM

I am so very very sad.

It appears my art book that i had from highschool has been destroyed.

It was on the kitchen table along with some news papers and other crap everyone else piles on. We had taco night a while back. I had asked the kids to clean off the table, putting everything beside the fridge. I didn't realize they took my art book. I thought i had put it on the side table behind where i sit, what WH refers to as my office. The one and ONLY place i can put stuff that wont get touched and thats only because ive threatened to break hands if they do.

WH uses news papers and cracker/cereal boxes etc as fire starter in the burn barrel to help with burning the extra bush he cut down. He also seems to think its perfectly ok to purge the house of shit HE thinks is garbage when i go out to do the shopping. Don't know how many times I've told him to stop doing that. He already burnt a box of important papers, like child birth certificates.... i thought after i freaked out on him for that he would stop! I was wrong.

So last friday i went out and he had the kids round up all the news papers in the kitchen...including the pile beside the fridge that they were told NOT to touch.

Art book is ashes.

I'm heartbroken. There were drawings in there i hadn't made copies of.

WH isn't supposed to just throw the entire bag of stuff in the fire. He's to keep the bags. Had he taken things out bit by bit he would have seen my book.

I have cried for two days. I've torn the house apart, every cupboard, drawer, box, closet...praying it just got misplaced. Nothing.

I have this overwhelming feeling of hate right now. For all of them. The kids destroyed my cabinet for MY art supplies. They threw my art bag outside in the rain. Thankfully i caught that AND it was plastic so nothing was damaged. I have drilled into them that if it isn't theirs they dont touch it and yet they keep doing it. I have to wonder if wh talks shit about me when I'm gone and tells them to never listen to me because they are all little shits so much no matter what punishments i hand out. I'm just done. I could never understand how a mother could walk away from her kids but i do now.

Of course its been pointed out to me that its my fault for leaving the book out in the first place. My bad for wanting to do my artwork on the only table in the house to do it. I also shouldn't have told the kids to clear off the table.

So I'm angry at myself and angry at all of them and don't know how to get over this constant disrespect of my things. I want to take something they each love and start a fire and burn it in front of them so maybe they can feel what I'm feeling.

Not going to happen but i want to. Instead i have a large tool box that i can lock so what fits is going in there plus a cabinet downstairs I'm bringing up that again will be locked.

Its a shame that's what i have to do.

PricklePatch posted 12/3/2020 23:44 PM

Belated Birthday wishes!

That just sucks to be lose something that means so much.

Hugs!

DragnHeart posted 12/4/2020 08:16 AM

Thank you.

I think im going to take a break from my phone and being online for a while. Im very misrable and only going to drag people down. Ill be back for sure for SPF next week

Too_Trusting posted 12/6/2020 18:36 PM

Hi Dragn,

Sorry I'm just catching up on this thread. I can SO relate to everything you've posted, tho. I'm also the "fixer" and thoughtful among my family and friends. I don't have kids or an H anymore, but when I was still married, I always seemed like an afterthought. That douchebag also forgot our anniversary once.

But, I ran across this on FB and thought of you. Perhaps this will bring a lil chuckle to your heart now:

DragnHeart posted 12/6/2020 18:44 PM

Yep that's me totally. Thank you

Wh and i put up four strings of lights to complete ONE side of the house and Half the peak at the front. He ended up putting me in the bucket of the tractor to reach one corner after an hour of inching our way across with the tall ladder and wh freaking out. He hates heights. The front peak part was awful. He ended up going onto the roof. Now to buy six more sets of 23 feet to finish the peak and go around the North side of the house, around the back and up the old TV tower to plug into a big star.

It'll look amazing when its done. Also since we have three massive windows on each side of the sunroom (3 sides) I'm buying lights to goinside to frame them. That will really light up the night lol

In the mean time i am making Dickens Village ornaments for my brother for Christmas and mailing them so ill be offline while i do that.

Thanks again!!!

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