Newest Member: Qashess

The Book Club :
Non-reconciliation

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Medusara (original poster new member #75888) posted at 2:50 PM on Saturday, November 21st, 2020

Does anyone have any suggestions for books to support healing after betrayal, that don’t talk about reconciliation? Please :)

My wife has been having an affair and is now continuing to see the other woman with my knowledge. She does not want to reconcile. So I want something that will help me deal with this, but everything I’m finding so far talks about working towards reconciliation, which is just going to shove further daggers in my already shattered heart.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2020
id 8611161
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 5:19 PM on Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Try Living and Loving After Betrayal by Steven Stosny. It goes step by step with exercise on how to heal, deal with mental images, etc. Only at the end does it ask some question on whether or not you want to reconcile and how to start that. You can skip that chapter.

He has a few podcasts and webinars out there too. His goal is to heal the individual of the trauma of betrayal.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8611339
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:53 AM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Try Leave a Cheater Gain a Life

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10574   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8611418
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 7:17 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

It's not SPECIFIC to infidelity, but I really liked "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson (and it does have some case histories of those whose WS left for an AP)

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3376   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8611878
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DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 1:59 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020

I'm looking for similar books (still not sure if I will divorce or not).

One book that caught my eye that I have not read is "Whole Again" By Jackson MacKenzie.

I have not read it, but am thinking about adding it to my reading list. I'd be curious to see if anyone else here has read it.

I just finished "cheating in a nutshell." Oh boy, prospects of remaining in a happy marriage after infidelity are not good anyway.

My next book is "Finding meaning in the second half of life." Then maybe Whole Again.

BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020

After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.

posts: 455   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2020   ·   location: CT
id 8612059
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 8:04 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020

Cheating in a nutshell may also be helpful. It is NOT hopeful for those who want to R, but I found it very validating and made good connections between infidelity and trauma / trauma response.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3376   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8612158
Topic is Sleeping.
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