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No, I meant the team member that decided to go with her. It sounds like they feel defensive about it, after confronting them for going with her? Am I misunderstanding.

The reason that I was asking is this other teammate just may not get it if they were unaffected by infidelity. I had wondered if it was effecting this other friendship. I thought you were saying "they were not taking responsibility" for leaving with this woman. Maybe I misread.

Sorry for the misunderstanding hikingout. The team member that will be leaving with her actually may not know the real reason my boss left. I think she believes the harassment version.

It has not and will not affect my friendship (at least not on my part) with that teammate. She has worked with my boss much longer than I did and will follow her anywhere she goes. I haven’t told her the real reason our boss left. That’s not my place to do so.

My boss is the one that has been defensive when confronted. She let her personal decisions impact her judgement at work and I am concerned that this could still be the case in future. She did not like hearing that and became defensive and angry with me.

Saying “they” can be confusing, I apologize. In my household they/them is pretty standard vs he/she but that’s another topic!

WOES, do you feel any obligation to let your friend know the real reason your boss left and the truth behind the sexual harassment claim?

And maybe obligation is the wrong word. I get not wanting to spread gossip or potentially expose yourself to your old bosses’ spite, but I think that information may, or could, impact your friend’s decision to move jobs.

And I don’t presume to know the right answer, I’m just trying to gauge my thoughts against other folks. I guess I would be inclined to tell my friend. That minor point aside, you handled that situation like a freakin’ boss.

Also, it’s been my experience that engaging in a workplace A is a career death sentence if the A becomes public knowledge.

Buck, I have often wondered if I should say anything. I always come to the conclusion not to. They have been friends and coworkers for a very long time. Me saying something would only make me look bad for gossiping. I’m certain it wouldn’t change the outcome.

I guess in the end, if I felt she needed to know to make a decision whether or not to work with her, I would also have to tell her about me.

It does become difficult when the lines cross between friendship and professional relationships.

I didn’t want to cut her from my life.

But you did, and wisely. I was also a HORRIBLE leader, employee, and friend at the time of my A. You recognized here that she was liable to do nothing but continue to take- As evidenced by trying to manipulate your helpful action of pointing her towards SI and guilt you for forcing her to face what she’s done- and will likely continue to do.

I agree though that sharing with the one “loyal” team member does little besides invite another onlooker into the BH’s life.