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Step-parenting struggles. Preteen struggles.

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JanaGreen posted 11/9/2020 22:11 PM

And you've never seen a sweeter kid than the one I picked up from school today. Oh it was so nice to have the old K back today. I'm going to work on building more one on one time with her. But tonight was sweet. All the kids (MG's 14yo was with us, too) were just wonderful.

little turtle posted 11/12/2020 10:24 AM

Glad to hear things are improving for you! It's the little things.

JanaGreen posted 11/12/2020 10:44 AM

Well, apparently she was acting like a little beast at daddy's house on Monday morning, but I just caught the sweetness.

Now, she did get dramatic about her math homework, but not meltdown drama. So,I'm counting that as a win.

She called me crying last night. She has a very loose tooth that she's scared to pull, and several other baby teeth that need to come out. She has an appointment on the 25th to get that tooth pulled if it isn't out by then, and they will possibly get some of the others while she's under laughing gas. She is FREAKING. She has dentist anxiety. So idk what her dad said, but she was spun up about her teeth. I got her calmed down, but we are gonna work on getting that tooth out this weekend.

barcher144 posted 11/12/2020 11:34 AM

I'm late to the discussion, but therapy could definitely help. She's struggling with a lot and my daughter reports that therapy is great for when she has issues that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to anyone else.

The "good news" is that she seems to be this way everywhere, not just with you or your BF... meaning, it's not a specific issue with him.

JanaGreen posted 11/12/2020 11:44 AM

Yeah, I really don't think it's an issue with him. He was just there. And he's a safe target. She calls him Gummy Bear normally - he's a big kind of intimidating looking dude, but she told him once that he's not scary because she knows he's a gummy bear on the inside. What a great nickname was born that day So yeah, I'm a total softie and he's a gummy bear. We are safer targets to lash out at than her dad, but he does occasionally get some of it. She triggered a narcissistic outburst in him a while back because he ignoring her and she snapped at him that he was lazy. Well. Part of what ex prides himself on is being SOOOO busy and stressed, so he went off on her for that. He's brought it up to me numerous times.

Anyway. Yeah, I think counseling is a good idea. I'm glad it's been helpful for your daughter, barcher. K is going to start acting lessons next week too, which is something she's really enjoyed in the past. I think that will be good for her.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:45 AM, November 12th (Thursday)]

HalfTime2017 posted 11/20/2020 18:08 PM

Jana,

I just wanted to add that I know what you're going thru. I have a daughter that is the same age as yours. She was using and still sometimes use my GF as a poke fun punching bag, but I know that deep down, she really enjoys being around my GF.

I am really lucky in that everyone gets along, but it creeps up from time to time and I continue to have talks with her that is okay to tease every once in awhile, we all do it, but when you go after a person like that, its not okay, and Im not okay with it.
'
Besides the hormone issue that everyone brings up, I think the SO at this point in our lives is not the type that would punish or reprimand the kids. I know my GF has told me that they're my kids, and she is not comfortable with discipline, so she lets me do that. Your daughter, like mine, knows this and knows that they can get away with it with them. Just keep talking to her, and it too shall pass.

We're in a position where we are stuck in the middle. Kids and SO, and they all want a piece of us. SO keep that in mind too, in that she may just need some personal time with you, without SO there. Every once in awhile will go a long way. I"m going to post up my story in NB soon, or maybe I'll do it in the D/S forum. Its going really well for me, and I've been dating my GF for 2 yrs. It will all work out. Just make sure the SO understands its not him.

SallyShrink81 posted 11/21/2020 12:10 PM

I know i'm a little late to chime in but it sounds like you're doing everything you can right now. It's just really difficult all around especially for kiddos. Something to suggest is a mother-daughter journal you can get on Amazon. I bought one for my DD and I and she loves it.

Also maybe shop around for IC and when you find one that will be a good fit then have DD meet her. I love working with teens and teen parents usually tell me how surprised they are that their teen enjoys therapy so much.

Finally be gentle with your DD and yourself. This is all very hard things by themselves but it's all converging at once for you.

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