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A New Start

maybeHopeless posted 10/9/2020 20:17 PM

First and foremost you guys and gals are absolutely fucking unreal. I have read so many threads, and started one of my own about a year ago about my own XWS. This site and the contributors were the only people in many of our lives that understood what we were going through and you spent so much time and energy making sure that we got hit by the 2x4 when needed, and were making the best choices for our relationships. I have read threads and really wanted to contribute after with my experience but reading them is so emotionally draining and soul crushing. I don't know how you absolute saints do it day in and day out.

Thank you!

So my unrepentant WS got served the D. Did an amicable divorce which finalized last December in record time.

Question 1:

She immediately started a relationship and common friends informed me that he moved in with her. I pay a large sum of spousal maintenance (Texas). I had it written in the divorce that romantic cohabitation ends all of my responsibilities. I hired a PI who quickly proved up what I already knew. He has her home listed as his primary residence in multiple databases and posted him moving in on Facebook.

Have any of you gone through the process of divorce modification in Texas to give me an idea of what I am looking at?

Question 2:

I am 9 months outside of divorce and 12 months outside of D-Day. I still feel just as worthless as I did right after it happened. I've done counseling, I've dated (unsuccessfully), and I've distracted myself from the issue. Do I need more time? Do I need a new counselor? Or is this a years long process for most?

Thanks again for being the most stellar group of badasses that I have ever seen.

J707 posted 10/10/2020 09:34 AM

Question 1: I haven't been through this but with your evidence provided I would assume it should be an open and shut case. She violated the agreement. Plain and simple. The paperwork for an attorney shouldn't be that complicated. If she lies and the judge knows she is lying, he won't like her very much. You have your evidence, she broke the agreement. Others will provide their own experience though.

Question 2: 1 year out isn't really that long. General consensus here is 2-5 years. I believe that to be true. Take your time. I was still a mess at 1 year. I'm 2.5 past Dday and am actually doing good. But I didn't get here overnight. Don't avoid your feelings. Process them. What's amazing is that every month you'll start to feel just a little bit better. Then 6 months go by. Then a year. 2 years. You'll reflect back in a year and see just how much stronger you are for going through this shitstorm. Continue to focus on yourself. If you feel you need a new counselor, do it. Good luck! Everyday gets better. You got this!

blahblahblahe posted 10/10/2020 16:25 PM

You should have already hired an attorney to begin the process have having the cohabitation documented and plan your next move.

If you are careful and quiet about your plans you may have just been given a get out of support card.

Never waste a good opportunity!

Chrysalis123 posted 10/11/2020 15:22 PM

Do I need more time? Do I need a new counselor? Or is this a years long process for most?

In my experience and the experience of most of the people I've followed here at SI, it takes years to start feeling better and get your MOJO back.

For me, I felt noticeably better at year 3 after Divorce, and again much much better at year 5. At year 10, what happened to me was just blip on the timeline of my life and I never reacted to anything...thank goodness. The affair, the abuse, and the horrendous divorce was only a bad thing that happened to me once..Like stubbing my toe or losing my wallet.

homewrecked2011 posted 10/11/2020 15:32 PM

Definitely email your atty.,when I had to go back to court with xh, they just charged me like $500. to fill out paperwork, file, notify xhs atty, go to a quick hearing. Your xws atty will prob tell her theres no point in fighting it. ALSO xh took me back to court and proved part of his case, I had to pay part of his legal fees, so you might luck out on that, too.

maybeHopeless posted 10/13/2020 11:03 AM

Thanks for all the advice. I will be pursuing the case against her for breach of contract.

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