9/29/2019 D-Day 12/18/2019 D Still working on myself.

It Really Can Turn Around

Here I am, back at the house of pain.

For a while after divorce I came here reading stories almost like I was pain seeking. I told myself it was therapeutic and sometimes I would be able to contribute to someone else's relief, but the truth was I was purposefully making myself relive the trauma. Eventually I stopped, and slowly began getting better. But while I was here and NEEDED you guys, you were here. Not only in providing support and advice to me directly but looking at others' situations, how they found the bravery to fight for their lives and happiness.

I thank every one of you. I'll try to stick around.

Now I am remarried to a wonderful woman with three kids who I adore (I had none previously), and life is GOOD. It will be better than you can imagine when the happiness quietly sneaks in the door.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/?tid=642104&AP=21

2 comments posted: Wednesday, February 16th, 2022

First Time Dating After...

I (M41) was divorced in Dec 2019 and I am just starting this middle... ahem... "ideal" aged dating thing. Since my XWW was really my first love I don't have a lot of experience and now I see everything through the lens of infidelity, which makes this extremely difficult.

I am running into a lot of great, and honest people but I am seeing a troubling trend. I have dated three women, and in all cases we discussed "why are you divorced" after a few dates and all three previously cheated on their spouse. Most were ashamed and took responsibility for it in a way that makes me think they understand the pain they caused. Only one of them made an attempt at excuses for her actions.

I am still dating the third and I really like her. As I get closer to her and care for her I really am testing myself if this is something I can live with or not. Has anyone else run into this? What was your thought process on deciding whether it is something you can live with in a committed relationship? If I had seen remorse like these ladies showed in my XWW I certainly would not be divorced.

16 comments posted: Monday, March 29th, 2021

A New Start

First and foremost you guys and gals are absolutely fucking unreal. I have read so many threads, and started one of my own about a year ago about my own XWS. This site and the contributors were the only people in many of our lives that understood what we were going through and you spent so much time and energy making sure that we got hit by the 2x4 when needed, and were making the best choices for our relationships. I have read threads and really wanted to contribute after with my experience but reading them is so emotionally draining and soul crushing. I don't know how you absolute saints do it day in and day out.

Thank you!

So my unrepentant WS got served the D. Did an amicable divorce which finalized last December in record time.

Question 1:

She immediately started a relationship and common friends informed me that he moved in with her. I pay a large sum of spousal maintenance (Texas). I had it written in the divorce that romantic cohabitation ends all of my responsibilities. I hired a PI who quickly proved up what I already knew. He has her home listed as his primary residence in multiple databases and posted him moving in on Facebook.

Have any of you gone through the process of divorce modification in Texas to give me an idea of what I am looking at?

Question 2:

I am 9 months outside of divorce and 12 months outside of D-Day. I still feel just as worthless as I did right after it happened. I've done counseling, I've dated (unsuccessfully), and I've distracted myself from the issue. Do I need more time? Do I need a new counselor? Or is this a years long process for most?

Thanks again for being the most stellar group of badasses that I have ever seen.

5 comments posted: Friday, October 9th, 2020