Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
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Westway ( Member #71747) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, October 13th, 2020

I don’t understand parents who just walk away from children.

But we see it happening more and more often. It is like the whole fabric of modern society is shredding apart.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8597125
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Kaliber ( Member #74046) posted at 2:39 PM on Wednesday, October 14th, 2020

Westway:

But we see it happening more and more often. It is like the whole fabric of modern society is shredding apart.

It's not "like"!

Its what's happening right now!

Give it a couple if decades and you will see a whole new different society, it's going to be so dark, nasty and dysfunctional!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 8:40 AM, October 14th (Wednesday)]

You don't have a choice of being a victim, but you always have a choice of remaining one!

posts: 145   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Germany
id 8597360
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 carlcwc (original poster New Member #75634) posted at 4:28 PM on Friday, October 23rd, 2020

right big update on this mess:

15th October comes round and informs us that she was going to get some photocopying done at 5.45pm, impossible to do here, so she lied to the kids again where she was going, so she could go and see OM for a few hours.,

she returned at 8.15 or so, I went round asked her to come round and console eldest as she was heartbroken as she had promised them she would not leave them again, she spent literally 5 mins with her , came back round at 8.45 for youngest iPad and called eldest a piece of dog shit.

same night eldest went round to get some comfort and WS said to her that its my fault " dad does not want me its all his fault we can't be a family"

17th October :

come round dressed up like a dogs dinner saying she wanted to say goodnight to eldest at about 6pm, left kids again to go out for the night , one with me and one with their aunt, kids again pleaded for her to come back ignored their plies, stayed out till 10.30am next morning, where I passed them as hhe was dropping her off.

18th October

I asked her to please not keep leaving kids overnight and do whatever she wants when they aint about.

her answer was "you don't tell me what to do anymore"

19th October

youngest daughter just came round and after a spat with her sister, the mom pelted her with a shoe which has left a big red mark, photos and video taken.

21st October

me and eldest were in day van and hear sisters car drive off at 12.30pm, then at about 1.21 pm my youngest appeared at the door ,and asked if I knew where mom was, I said no , so she had just left her in caravan alone and not notified me she was there, if I had gone out in-between them times she would of been a 9yr old all alone on a campsite , she returned at 1.37pm, photos of missing car and car returned taken

disappeared with niece at 6pm left youngest alone in van saying she was going to view flat, niece returned at 6.30 alone ., sister disappeared for 5 mins at about 8.30 with her in the car so the OM had dropped her back off at security gates, lied to them again.

she then came round to give Ellie a kiss goodnight which ended up with her shouting at eldest and gas lighting our relationship, summed door and took off.

woke up on 22nd and my MacBook and phone were missing, ii went round and demanded them back or I would call police, she pleaded ignorance, later turned up thrown under my van, 2k MacBook ruined.

22nd October

eldest was upset again so I asked her to come round here to console her, she replied "no I'm not leaving Georgia alone". which means she has read all my messages with a friend who is helping me through this.,

she might even be reading this

posts: 22   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020
id 8601315
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Tempocontour ( Member #65971) posted at 4:25 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

So what are you doing about this situation? You never told us what your lawyer said you should do. You've been given many good advise here but it seems like you're hardly doing any of them. What is your end game?

posts: 76   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Northeast
id 8601871
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 carlcwc (original poster New Member #75634) posted at 4:48 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

solicitor has been informed of situation,

house goes up for sale tomorrow

solicitor said even though 12 yr old wants to come with me and would say so, a judge rarely splits siblings,

we have agreed that its a 50/50 split of assets and children can come and go in-between houses as they deem fit !

is this the best thing to do? or do I go all in full custody which will cost thousands easily

I know that way my eldest will spend all her time at mine ,

my end game really is to make this as easy for the kids as possible,

I htold her I was going back into house on 31st with eldest and she was welcome ages ago, yesterday she said she was not coming back,, cue 6 hrs later she said she is coming back but wants master bedroom and ensuite , I couldn't believe my ears, she said what do you think of that, I replied you can't just spring that on someone and expect an instant reply, this is not the time for that I'll think about it.

also on the Friday 23rd my youngest whom I was told was asleep appeared at my door upset ,because her mom was dancing around and twerking in just her bra and pants as was her auntie and that the niece had been trying to put her covered breast into youngest mouth

sunday 25th 9yr old comes round in morning and said mom had been taking pictures of her bare breasts to send to the OM, who had been begging her via text to leave the kid last night and go to his because he was missing her and lonely

posts: 22   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020
id 8601882
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WilliamM ( Member #60910) posted at 5:27 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

That is sexual assault of a child. I would call the police.

All things are possible.

posts: 1157   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2017   ·   location: Dallas, TX
id 8601885
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 5:42 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

We often see people recommend going for the jugular as far as custody is concerned. I’m guessing your solicitor has warned you against that and mentioned the cost and probably the low chance of success. Sad fact sometimes – good fact sometimes – is that a court needs really good evidence to compromise a) the child’s right to two parents and b) the parents rights. Unless there is a mutual agreement then 50/50 is what the courts want.

The only issue I see with a policy of the children going and being where they want is the discipline. All around discipline. What if you plan a weekend away and they drop in on the Friday demanding to be with you? What if you decide too much junk-food and they go to mom’s rather than eat fried liver? What if she sends them over with no notice? What if they go to her place because you demand they raise their grades and do homework?

I see a need of some formality – but that could be rules you establish between the two of you. For example, you both are clear on where the kids will be next couple of weekends. You can be flexible to switch, but they – the kids – can’t simply wander over because mom refuses to buy pizza.

Please – With divorce you distance yourself from your wife. You do not want her in your house. Whatever logistical issues might be now then I would do my darndest to ensure you and she have separate lodgings. Not only rooms or beds – but locations too.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8601890
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 carlcwc (original poster New Member #75634) posted at 5:50 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

@WilliamM

I have and will get her to tell me on video what happened that night.

@Bigger

I literally have no where to go , she does as her sister has spare room and large house literally 5 mins away, uk laws say I can't make her leave as she on the deeds

posts: 22   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020
id 8601892
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JS84 ( Member #48148) posted at 6:07 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

If this is for real you need to call the police.

posts: 443   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2015
id 8601898
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 carlcwc (original poster New Member #75634) posted at 6:31 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

@JS84

Its all for real, no reason for her to lie to me,

posts: 22   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020
id 8601907
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 carlcwc (original poster New Member #75634) posted at 9:30 PM on Sunday, October 25th, 2020

would blowing it up on Facebook help at all?

my friend has said wait until I get back in the house,

I personally don't know if it would help or hinder this situation

posts: 22   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020
id 8601944
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JS84 ( Member #48148) posted at 8:58 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

Doing something like that could get you sued, accused of harassment or used against you in divorce court.

I wouldn't do anything like that until you at least talk to the police (bring all the proof you have).

posts: 443   ·   registered: Jun. 6th, 2015
id 8602066
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 9:25 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

You might be stuck in a temporary live-together situation, but you can do a lot to minimize that period.

And no – don’t post anything that might be considered revenge-porn or libelous on social media. You definitely should let stakeholders in the marriage know you are divorcing and in a factual, non-aggressive way let them know the reason (my wife is having affairs versus she’s fucking around), but IMHO your best bet is to keep amicable and get this over ASAP.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8602070
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 10:37 AM on Monday, October 26th, 2020

More than once you have been advised to document and report her actions to both your version of children’s services as well as police.

Just documenting it without reporting her actions will lead to a view of a scorned husband turning the children against their mother. On the question of going 50/50 or full custody well don’t let the cost put you off. Stuff the cost, sell stuff, borrow stuff do what ever it costs to make them safe. Could you forgive her if something was to happen whilst she was out banging her toy boy?

One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8602079
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BigNoob ( Member #75807) posted at 3:48 AM on Friday, November 27th, 2020

Your kids will be in danger if you do NOT file for full custody it sounds like your SO and her entire family are in unicorn land.

Record your child saying what happened with your niece when she was trying to (breastfeed him?)

also on the Friday 23rd my youngest whom I was told was asleep appeared at my door upset ,because her mom was dancing around and twerking in just her bra and pants as was her auntie and that the niece had been trying to put her covered breast into youngest mouth

sunday 25th 9yr old comes round in morning and said mom had been taking pictures of her bare breasts to send to the OM, who had been begging her via text to leave the kid last night and go to his because he was missing her and lonely

SHOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER 50-50 CUSTODY and fight with all you can do not even consider money if you can help your kids.

Just read your other post you need to have a VAR on you at all times whenever you see your SO. She is already falsely accusing you she may try and pull something.

*Thanks 1stwife Apologies.

[This message edited by BigNoob at 10:01 AM, November 27th (Friday)]

posts: 207   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2020
id 8612429
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 3:25 PM on Friday, November 27th, 2020

BigNoob

A little support with kindness is more helpful here. No need to attack.

This guy is in a tough situation that is emotionally charged and doing his best for his children.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8612547
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 9:28 PM on Friday, November 27th, 2020

No problem. We all can get charged up a bit based on our experiences and the outrage we all feel for each other here as a betrayed spouse or partner.

That is why many that heal a bit don’t come back to this forum(Just Found Out). Too hard to deal with. I get it.

I wasn’t fortunate r much to know about this forum during my H’s affair. I made some mistakes but for me when I final you stood my ground I stood my ground. It only took me a few months to wise up.

I’m one of the lucky ones. Based in things I read here — some have it much worse. And that’s where kindness and support can go a long way.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8612643
Topic is Sleeping.
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