Hey. Short back story. I met my husband when we were teenagers. 30+ years ago. He cheated on me when he went to Japan, got her pregnant and his parents made him marry her. It lasted 6 months. Years later he was with someone else. I overheard him on the phone telling them that I was the only one he cheated on her with. When he found out I heard that, he said I wasnt suppose to have heard it.
Anyway, for 30 years he was in and out of my life. Looking back, I think I had always loved him and that's why I was always there. He always ended up ghosting me. In January 2018, I seen him at the bus stop. He looked rough. I told him tobadd me on Facebook. He told my brother he couldn't find me. I thought here we go. In February he instant messaged me on Facebook and asked if he could be my Valentine. I sent hearts as my reply. Didn't hear from again until April after that. He messaged me and asked if he could call me. I said yes and we talked for a few minutes. I had to cut our conversation short because I had to get up in a few hours and work 16 hours the next day. Well he started being consistent in keeping in contact. We met up the next weekend and spent the entire weekend together. It was wonderful. He also proposed to me. I said yes. He called ne the day we had to part and said his friend that picked him up said now you have something to work for. We went and applied for our marriage license. On June 27, 2018, we were married.
The first time I remember something shady happening was a few months later and I was folding laundry and looked over at him. He had opened an app on his phone. All I saw was "Who's nearby?" He closed it, deleted it and then deleted the history. I didn't say anything but that was the start of it.
The next time was more recent. We were spending the weekend in a hotel when he got a text. The text read, "Can you stop by one day when you get a chance?" He said that was the people Who were repairing his credit. I was furious. I said, "What kind of credit repair people sends you a text at 10:41 on a Saturday night!?!?" I got all kinds of stories/lies. I didn't speak to him for 5 days. I guess I just got tired of feeling the way I was feeling because we eventually we started talking again and moved on from it.
Here recently, I woke up and my inner voice said, "You haven't checked his phone in awhile." I thought to myself, no I havent. So I did. When I looked in the history, there we're so many links from a dating website. Then I checked his email. There was ine from the site that had been read. I opened it. It was a welcome email and he had to verify his email. It also contained his username and password so I went to it. He didn't have a picture and he had the wrong birthdate. There weren't any messages sent back and forth between him or any of the females that have messaged him (although one female asked him how his relationship was going). Anyway, the next day I sent him a text and said, "You're married. Why are you going on a dating site?" He said he didn't. I said I beg to differ and sent him the screenshot of the email. He says, "I'm so tired of you starting sh*t for no reason." I said I'm not. Then he asks, "Did I click the link?" I said, "You surely opened it and read it."
Nothing else was said til later that night and we got into a huge fight. 2 days later he tells me that I shouldn't be accusing him of something I don't know the facts about. He said come here, I'll show you. So I go where he was and he showed me on his Facebook page, his friend requests. Well this is his story. He clicked on a sexy female's profile pic and it had a link that said if you want to see more...click this link. He said all he was trying to do was look at pictures and ended up at the dating site.
I posted this in a few groups on FB (which is how I learned of this site). Not a single comment said to believe him etc. I was torn. My head knew better but my heart would not give in. It was a battle between the two. Then a coworker said I was wrong. That wasn't cheating. So I APOLOGIZED to him!!! We discussed it later. I kept asking why? Why did it take so long to tell me what happened. Why didn't he fight fir our marriage? He said he was just killing time because I wasn't here. He said he didnt care if they were fake profiles because he wasn't trying to hook up with them. He was just trying to look at them.
The first 2 nights after we made up, (I forgave but didn't forget), were great. What gets me the most is that I offered sexual things to him but he pretty much declined. I said so when you want it its abother story? That was it.
I get up at 5am and work 8 1/2 hours a day. He doesn't have to get up til 9:30 and works 5 hours a day. I work in a nursing home. He's a server.
I like to have a Jack & Coke to relax after work. He drinks almost a case of veer a night. I out off having my drink because he wanted me to take him somewhere. When I got home from work yesterday, I took him to the post office and the liquor store. During the ride to the post office, I said I'm so ready to have a drink. He said "Rough day?' I said that and I'm off the weekend so I'm ready to drink. No sooner did we get to the liquor store did he say he wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat. Yeah I kinda snapped. I said, "Motherclucker! Why didn't you say something when we were at the post office?" He said cause you already said you were ready to get out of yiur uniform. I sid I also said I was ready to get a drink. Then he gets an attitude and says dont even worry about it. I'll get my own food. You get your own. When we were leaving I said SO do you want to go or not? He said no. Okay so then we get home and start texting. Hes in one room I'm in the next. He said he was done with the marriage and so on. I said good because you already shown me the ttoe of person you can be so I'm better off without you and I wont have to worry about what you do behind my back when I'm not here. I then went into our bedroom where he was and he was passed out. So I knew he had been drinking before we went to the store.
I took it upon myself to look at his phone. What did I see? That he had opened a hookup site webpage. (f*ckbook)
Needless to say, In room a majority of his clothes that I bought, threw them in the fire pit, drenched them in lighter fluid and lit it. He wont be hooking up with anyone in the clothes I bought for him. 💁
That's my story. No it doesn't consist of actual physical cheating but I'm convinced it'll eventually lead to it.
Btw, we just got a house. I told him to leave. He said why should he leave when he has more invested in it. I said because he's told me he doesn't want to be in this house. (We took it over from my brother.)
[This message edited by BamboozledAgain at 9:00 AM, September 19th (Saturday)]