Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
If they do it once, they'll do it again.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 2:47 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020

Hey. Short back story. I met my husband when we were teenagers. 30+ years ago. He cheated on me when he went to Japan, got her pregnant and his parents made him marry her. It lasted 6 months. Years later he was with someone else. I overheard him on the phone telling them that I was the only one he cheated on her with. When he found out I heard that, he said I wasnt suppose to have heard it.

Anyway, for 30 years he was in and out of my life. Looking back, I think I had always loved him and that's why I was always there. He always ended up ghosting me. In January 2018, I seen him at the bus stop. He looked rough. I told him tobadd me on Facebook. He told my brother he couldn't find me. I thought here we go. In February he instant messaged me on Facebook and asked if he could be my Valentine. I sent hearts as my reply. Didn't hear from again until April after that. He messaged me and asked if he could call me. I said yes and we talked for a few minutes. I had to cut our conversation short because I had to get up in a few hours and work 16 hours the next day. Well he started being consistent in keeping in contact. We met up the next weekend and spent the entire weekend together. It was wonderful. He also proposed to me. I said yes. He called ne the day we had to part and said his friend that picked him up said now you have something to work for. We went and applied for our marriage license. On June 27, 2018, we were married.

The first time I remember something shady happening was a few months later and I was folding laundry and looked over at him. He had opened an app on his phone. All I saw was "Who's nearby?" He closed it, deleted it and then deleted the history. I didn't say anything but that was the start of it.

The next time was more recent. We were spending the weekend in a hotel when he got a text. The text read, "Can you stop by one day when you get a chance?" He said that was the people Who were repairing his credit. I was furious. I said, "What kind of credit repair people sends you a text at 10:41 on a Saturday night!?!?" I got all kinds of stories/lies. I didn't speak to him for 5 days. I guess I just got tired of feeling the way I was feeling because we eventually we started talking again and moved on from it.

Here recently, I woke up and my inner voice said, "You haven't checked his phone in awhile." I thought to myself, no I havent. So I did. When I looked in the history, there we're so many links from a dating website. Then I checked his email. There was ine from the site that had been read. I opened it. It was a welcome email and he had to verify his email. It also contained his username and password so I went to it. He didn't have a picture and he had the wrong birthdate. There weren't any messages sent back and forth between him or any of the females that have messaged him (although one female asked him how his relationship was going). Anyway, the next day I sent him a text and said, "You're married. Why are you going on a dating site?" He said he didn't. I said I beg to differ and sent him the screenshot of the email. He says, "I'm so tired of you starting sh*t for no reason." I said I'm not. Then he asks, "Did I click the link?" I said, "You surely opened it and read it."

Nothing else was said til later that night and we got into a huge fight. 2 days later he tells me that I shouldn't be accusing him of something I don't know the facts about. He said come here, I'll show you. So I go where he was and he showed me on his Facebook page, his friend requests. Well this is his story. He clicked on a sexy female's profile pic and it had a link that said if you want to see more...click this link. He said all he was trying to do was look at pictures and ended up at the dating site.

I posted this in a few groups on FB (which is how I learned of this site). Not a single comment said to believe him etc. I was torn. My head knew better but my heart would not give in. It was a battle between the two. Then a coworker said I was wrong. That wasn't cheating. So I APOLOGIZED to him!!! We discussed it later. I kept asking why? Why did it take so long to tell me what happened. Why didn't he fight fir our marriage? He said he was just killing time because I wasn't here. He said he didnt care if they were fake profiles because he wasn't trying to hook up with them. He was just trying to look at them.

The first 2 nights after we made up, (I forgave but didn't forget), were great. What gets me the most is that I offered sexual things to him but he pretty much declined. I said so when you want it its abother story? That was it.

But then...

I get up at 5am and work 8 1/2 hours a day. He doesn't have to get up til 9:30 and works 5 hours a day. I work in a nursing home. He's a server.

I like to have a Jack & Coke to relax after work. He drinks almost a case of veer a night. I out off having my drink because he wanted me to take him somewhere. When I got home from work yesterday, I took him to the post office and the liquor store. During the ride to the post office, I said I'm so ready to have a drink. He said "Rough day?' I said that and I'm off the weekend so I'm ready to drink. No sooner did we get to the liquor store did he say he wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat. Yeah I kinda snapped. I said, "Motherclucker! Why didn't you say something when we were at the post office?" He said cause you already said you were ready to get out of yiur uniform. I sid I also said I was ready to get a drink. Then he gets an attitude and says dont even worry about it. I'll get my own food. You get your own. When we were leaving I said SO do you want to go or not? He said no. Okay so then we get home and start texting. Hes in one room I'm in the next. He said he was done with the marriage and so on. I said good because you already shown me the ttoe of person you can be so I'm better off without you and I wont have to worry about what you do behind my back when I'm not here. I then went into our bedroom where he was and he was passed out. So I knew he had been drinking before we went to the store.

I took it upon myself to look at his phone. What did I see? That he had opened a hookup site webpage. (f*ckbook)

Needless to say, In room a majority of his clothes that I bought, threw them in the fire pit, drenched them in lighter fluid and lit it. He wont be hooking up with anyone in the clothes I bought for him. 💁

That's my story. No it doesn't consist of actual physical cheating but I'm convinced it'll eventually lead to it.

Btw, we just got a house. I told him to leave. He said why should he leave when he has more invested in it. I said because he's told me he doesn't want to be in this house. (We took it over from my brother.)

[This message edited by BamboozledAgain at 9:00 AM, September 19th (Saturday)]

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589379
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 3:16 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020

He showed you who he was 30+ years ago and the years thereafter and you did not believe him.

Do you believe him now?

Please D this idiot and get some IC for you so you can get to the root of why you want someone who does nothing but cheat/lie/drink. You deserve better.

Hugs,

Lala

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8626   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8589384
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 8:05 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020

Lalagirl, it's ironic you said he showed me who he was 30+ years ago but in his words, he would never do anything to lose me because he fought/waited so long to get me back. But that's not why I'm responding, last night in a text he said I waste his time everyday and that he's done. I said that's fine because you already showed me the type of person you are so I'm better off. Then he came and got a blanket to sleep on the couch and I sent a text and said, "Thanks for doing the right thing. I don't want you to lay next to me. You don't deserve to."

[This message edited by BamboozledAgain at 2:06 PM, September 19th (Saturday)]

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589471
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 9:11 PM on Saturday, September 19th, 2020

A teenager in Japan. Could you elaborate on why he went there as a teenager? I’m sort-of guessing military but I hate making assumptions.

What I can say is I would give him more credit if he had said “I got this girl pregnant in Japan and the right thing to do was to marry her and see if we could make it work out” rather than “my mom and dad made me marry her”.

A key part of solving all of life’s problems is ownership and accountability.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8589489
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 1:12 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020

You are correct. He joined the navy. Love the quote.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589546
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MorbidCuriosity ( New Member #74928) posted at 2:21 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020

Omfg please dont be the next Fannyandcat.

Some desperate need for self loving is required here.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2020
id 8589563
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Zinc38 ( New Member #75470) posted at 2:54 AM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020

If your wondering if they'll do it again I say yes as I'm the post above you about ths labor day cheat.

posts: 34   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2020
id 8589571
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 1:44 PM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020

@MorbidCuriosity Fannyandcat?

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589655
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MorbidCuriosity ( New Member #74928) posted at 5:06 PM on Sunday, September 20th, 2020

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=648196

posts: 49   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2020
id 8589691
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 3:23 AM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Ohmygoodness. He's fighting hard/madder than a mofo. We've been fighting fir a few hours now. He had thr nerve to tell me did I ever stop to think that maybe I was the reason he went venturing online? Man, please. I didn't do anywhere close to what you did to me.

Omg. He's PISSED! Threstenibg to sabotafe my car, etc.

He called me a bitch a few times. I said I'm only going to be a bitch so many times. I said I'll show you a bitch. Which I already had done cause I burned his entire wardrobe that I bought. QUIT throwing in my face what you bought/paid for. This is a marriage. There should never be any of that. :( :(

Lol so not he took all his electronic equipment so that I can't watch tv so I flipped the switch to turn lff thr 3lectricity. If I can't watch tv you can't either.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589848
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 3:41 AM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Ohmygoodness. He's fighting hard/madder than a mofo. We've been fighting fir a few hours now. He had thr nerve to tell me did I ever stop to think that maybe I was the reason he went venturing online? Man, please. I didn't do anywhere close to what you did to me.

Omg. He's PISSED! Threstenibg to sabotafe my car, etc.

He called me a bitch a few times. I said I'm only going to be a bitch so many times. I said I'll show you a bitch. Which I already had done cause I burned his entire wardrobe that I bought. QUIT throwing in my face what you bought/paid for. This is a marriage. There should never be any of that. :( :(

Lol so not he took all his electronic equipment so that I can't watch tv so I flipped the switch to turn lff thr 3lectricity. If I can't watch tv you can't either.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589854
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 3:43 AM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

So so sorry about the typos. I didn't proofread it before I sent it.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589855
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 12:07 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Stop these games; someone is going to get seriously hurt.

Get out. Do you have a friend or family member where you can stay until you can find your own place?

Edited to add: I know you are rightfully angry; I am not saying you're wrong in being angry. I understand. But this is escalating and could get dangerous.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:09 AM, September 21st (Monday)]

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8626   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8589912
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 1:19 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

You're right. This morning I got up to get ready for work. After I got out of the shower, he said we could've at least had sex. Start the day off right. And then he asked me if I really burned all his clothes. I said not all of them. Just the ones I bought. Then he really got posses abd threatened to put sugar in my gas tank. He said me burning his clothes was my revenge and now it's HIS turn!

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589920
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 1:41 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

You cannot live like this. You need to move out or he needs to move out. Today. Now.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10517   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8589925
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 1:49 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

When I tell him to leave, he says why should he? That he has more invested in the house than I do. This was my brother's house. We wouldn't have it if it wasn't for him. But my husband always wants to throw in my face that he paid for this and paid for that and anytime I get money from him, I have to pay it back.

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8589927
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 2:12 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Then you leave for now. A house isn't worth your life. I know that sounds extreme, but this is escalating. Please get out.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8626   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8589931
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Charity411 ( Member #41033) posted at 3:31 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

I have to ask. What exactly did you expect? What made you think marrying someone who continuously ghosted you over 30 years was a good idea? If I'm doing the math right, in three months you went from he called you to you married him. I know, you had a history. But the history was a bad one. What did you think was going to be different?

I know it feels like you've been victimized all over again. But have you? You invited him into your life with full knowledge about who he is, and yet you seem surprised. No one can treat you like a meal ticket unless you've opened the buffet.

My suggestion to you is that instead of childishly turning off electricity and burning his clothes, (that no one made you buy him the first place) get some counseling to try and figure out what caused you to make this choice. What inside of you made you think it was a good idea to buy a house with this person? What made you put yourself in a position to lose this house and be financially way worse off than you were when you saw him at that bus stop, looking rough? He is clearly better off, at your expense, and he repaid you with cheating. When married people visit dating sites its cheating.

I think if you invest in anything it should be a good counselor. I think you'll learn that you can't save anyone and you can't buy love. And when you start loving yourself enough, you'll no longer feel the need to try and do either thing.

posts: 1530   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8589960
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 BamboozledAgain (original poster New Member #75485) posted at 10:59 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Not only dating sites, Facebook for hookups, adultspace, all kinds of different sites. I scrolled through the history he had on his phone from fuckbook and that mofo scrolled (spun) like it was the big wheel on The Price is Right. There were a lot. It made me sick to my stomach. Then he asked if I was going to pick him up from work. I said, "Idk. Am I?" He found another way home. 💁

posts: 10   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2020
id 8590128
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HalfTime2017 ( Member #64366) posted at 11:36 PM on Monday, September 21st, 2020

Seriously, this puts you both in the 50s based on your timeline. I think its time to own up and be an adult, if this story is even real. It reads like a 14 yr old typed it. If you burning clothes and flipping electricity, I think you both probably need to get IC help. You already know he's a cheat, as stated in the subject of your thread. As if ghosting you again and again wasn't enough, the cheating, getting the Japanese girl pregnant..... What even happened to the child, that wasn't discussed. Did the child ever move to the states? This all sounds like its just way off to be believed.

posts: 1142   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8590144
Topic is Sleeping.
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