Hi pink. I am so sorry you had to find SI, but glad you did. Im also impressed by your decisive action.
I truly feel like a terrible person for abandoning someone who betrayed me and didn't always treat me well, but never abused me and ultimately supported and loved me very much.
Do you really believe that chronic lying and betrayal is not a form of abuse? Is that what you would say to your sister or your best friend? He did abuse you, emotionally.
I get that he suffered a loss 4 years ago. It is not your fault he did not seek help if he needed it. And sure you have some issues (don’t we all?). But if he was unhappy he had 1000 other ways to handle it other than to purposefully sign up to a dating app. Also, if he just wanted sex, it sounds like you were game for that. So I call bullshit there.
My ex also claimed the “too private to see a counselor.” Ends up he was willing to share his body with other people but not seek help for us. By telling me he was so private, I never pried, never pushed too hard. Made it VERY easy for him to get away with cheating.
Did you speak to a lawyer? Make sure that if he legally should provide some support that he is doing so. FEEL NO GUILT for that You were going to school to make better lives for both of you. His guilting you was just him being a jerk. And do not feel badly that you don’t want to R. Infidelity is a dealbreaker for most of us, and you need to do what you need to do. It would be much much worse to find this out later and then be able to other things in your life. You are young and you will build a beautiful new life.
Please go the Just Found OUt forum and read through a few. You’ll learn some good stuff, even though you have already decide.
Some things to make sure you do/did:
1) See a lawyer to make sure you get all you are entitled to. Many will do a consultation for free.
2) See your doctor for STD panel— get checked for everything, tell them your husband cheated. You don’t want to miss anything that will cause long term problems.
3) Watch your Depression/anxiety. If your meditation is not doing the job, see your doctor. Many of us needed anti-anxiety or antidepressants for a while to get us through the words of this journey.
4) Can you get in to Individual counseling (IC)? Sometimes employers have an EAP or even cover some IC. It can be very very helpful in getting clear on what you want and how to avoid his manipulations.
5) Exercise,eat well drink, lots of water, and avoid alcohol. These will help body and mind.
Hang in there, pink. You will get through this.