Being persistent and willing to be vulnerable. Doing things to him you know he likes (as long as it is something you’re comfortable with) to make him feel you know him, understand him, want to please him. Waking him up in the middle of the night for more, also helps the spouse feel wanted. Middle of the day. Basically — just more sex in general helps, I think.
Very good advice (coming from a BH). Be persistent, be engaging, do things that you think he might like (new things you've not done together before). And more is generally better, even if he turns you down, more offers/requests for sex still count for something.
I worry it won’t ever go away — and that maybe the best solution is just to go have a relationship with someone else that can have a “clean slate” with me sexually and otherwise.I can’t possibly be the only BH who has these significant doubts.
Your not. However, at least for me personally, a new partner won't "fix it" either. For some, that might be a fix, and if that's you, well, the path might be clear. For me, it's not, sex is a mess for me because of "motivations", why is she doing it? Is it because she wants to sleep with me (she's horny) or is it because she wants kibbles (she's not horny and trading sex for words). I'll never know with her or anyone else, which has fundamentally altered my relationship with sex. If I thought I could pull the cord and "fix it" I'd have to really think about it, but, for me personally, it's just not a solution to the problem.
So I should watch porn videos while having sex - got it. Sounds kinda lame to be honest, Maybe I should just get a new partner who hasn’t betrayed me. Would that help?
Might for you. And if it's that simple, I'd have to say that would be an appealing option, I'd LOVE to have my sex drive/old view of sex back. I just don't know how to get that again though, perhaps because I had a distorted view of sex in the past and now see "clearly" or I have a distorted view of sex now and used to see a more realistic picture, I really don't know.
Kind of lame? Hey, people are asking for suggestions here, that's the best I've got. ;)
[This message edited by Rideitout at 5:18 AM, July 28th (Tuesday)]