Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Wayward Side :
Possible Bipolar

Topic is Sleeping.
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MickeyBill2016 ( Member #56459) posted at 1:37 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2020

That may be a "positive" thing in a big pile of bad. Some may forgive a ONS but not a long build up of texting and sexting then multiple times having sex.

But for sure don't say "it didn't mean anything" or "it was just sex". No one wants to hear that their partner threw away a good relationship for something that "didn't mean anything".

Tough for you tougher for him. Hang in there.

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1176   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8563302
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Hedwig ( Member #74175) posted at 6:46 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2020

Thanks for clarifying that you are only thinking of telling him about BPD íf you have it and íf he initiates contact. Still not sure whether you *should* tell him. Tbh, if he is a half-way decent guy, he would not think "oh, she has BPD, she was cr*zy anyway". NPD, though, I would like to know that

Little si-tip: you don't have to repeat the answers to questions that multiple people ask, most of us read the whole thread before commenting so it's a little redundant.

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 261   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8563370
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Member #64418) posted at 6:59 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2020

IF you are diagnosed with bipolar - then YES you should tell if/when you have the opportunity to do so (meaning when your BP/BS reaches out). There are ways to tell someone something important - absolutely relevant - and NOT make it sound like an excuse. Take the time to figure out how to do that so when the opportunity presents itself you can. The fact is that if indeed you are bipolar that is information anyone thinking about engaging in a relationship, nevertheless R, absolutely should know.

It’s part of the reason I want to know if I should tell him - I do not want him to think it is an excuse or that I view it as one

Honesty is honesty is honesty.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 1:01 AM, July 18th (Saturday)]

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8563372
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HeHadADoubleLife ( Member #68944) posted at 9:17 AM on Saturday, July 18th, 2020

You're getting great advice here!

Just wanted to add something as a point of clarification:

BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder

BD= Bipolar disorder

I can follow what you mean in this thread because the title says Bipolar, but had you just said BPD it would be confusing. You would get much different advice if you were diagnosed BPD rather than BD. It's much more common for people to write/type BPD for borderline, and just bipolar for bipolar disorder. I actually rarely see BD written, unless it's in support forums made specifically for that diagnosis (my brother is Bipolar I).

Also, the treatment you would receive as a pwBPD (person with BPD) would be vastly different than that of a pwBD. Mostly because BD is a mood disorder and BPD is a personality disorder. BD is manageable if you are strictly compliant with meds. Meds can help with the mood disorders that often accompany BPD, like depression and anxiety, but as it is an underlying personality issue, it requires much more intensive therapy to correct.

It's also possible for them to be comorbid - meaning you have BD and BPD at the same time - but it seems you are only mentioning being evaluated for BD, so it doesn't seem that your therapist has brought up BPD as a possibility.

Just thought you would want to know for the future. If you continue to create new posts and you were to write BPD when you meant BD, you would get MUCH different responses.

I don't have much to add because others have already said it - respect his boundaries. If he asks, tell him, without making it an excuse. But if he has asked for NC, respect that.

As far as advice re: a diagnosis goes, I know the idea of mood stabilizers is scary, but it could honestly work wonders. Granted my brother is type I, not II, so he didn't just have mood swings, he had a full blown manic episode that lasted 6 weeks and he had to be hospitalized. So of course I would love meds, they were the thing that brought him back to us.

He was really bummed about having to take meds at first, and had difficulty with compliance in the beginning because of some of the side affects. For example, he had tremors in his hands, and he is an artist, so that really messed with him.

But once they got the right combination of meds, he has been golden ever since. Also, he swears by a routine. He has to go to bed by a certain time, get a certain amount of sleep. He also works out every day. His psychiatrist said that he is his biggest success story for what regular exercise can do for someone with BD.

I hope you get some answers from your evaluation!

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8563378
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RocketRaccoon ( Member #54620) posted at 5:56 AM on Monday, July 20th, 2020

Have you written down your timeline?

Might be a good idea to do that now, instead of sitting on your hands. Might be good to start form the time you got on the ship, to the time you got off.

Write it whilst the memories are still 'fresh', so that you can avoid the dreaded 'I can't remember" answer, which only breeds suspicion.

If he does ask for the details, you can then produce the timeline immediately, which can indicate sincerity in being honest, and taking accountability.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 888   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8564026
Topic is Sleeping.
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