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Trigger? Vent

StillLivin posted 3/28/2020 23:41 PM

I was going to post in OT but realize it's probable better to post here.
I was heading to pick up my dog. The light turned green. I waited 2 seconds while seeing if anyone was still driving through the lanes. I was clear. There was a car coming, but it had plenty of time to stop. I pressed on the gas and made it to the middle lane. I immediately slammed on my breaks and made my body relax for the impact. I'd seen out of my peripheral that the car was still coming.
She hit the front end of my vehicle and kept going for several feet while spinning. At first, I wasn't even sure if she'd hit me because my car jerked from me slamming on the breaks so hard and fast, but then my hood came up halfway and steam was coming out. I still had the green light, so I grabbed my purse and jumped out and got to the safety of the median.
Fast forward to when the first responders and police got there. She tries to blame her dog with her. "I'm so sorry, it was the dog's fault. He wouldn't stop barking."
Turns out, she had no driver's license, no insurance. But all of this was the dog's fault because he put a gun to her head and made her get behind the wheel of the car without a driver's license and without any auto insurance. He then made her ignore other drivers and the traffic light.
I went back in time for a half second. It was like a flashback. All I could see were all the times my ex had blamed everyone else but himself. He was always the victim. None of the consequences had anything to do with his own choices and his own actions. God help me, I started walking in her direction to beat her ass. I got it together and made myself turn around, it probably helped that there were still 3 police officers between us.
The rage I felt when she refused to accept responsibility is indescribable. I started shaking. Not because I could have died if I hadn't slammed on my breaks, not from adrenaline, not from seeing my vehicle utterly trashed, but from a long ago event that I thought had no more weight to effect me, a trigger from infidelity.
The cherry on top was when her boyfriend arrived and started calling ME a fucking bitch. Seriously!
Not sure if I need to work some more on myself. I dont even think about Xhole anymore. All of that infidelity stuff seemed like it happened to another person a long time ago until today.
And, yet, today, the rage ingelt for a complete stranger (albeit one who almost killed me), was pure trigger from days gone by of a man who couldn't own his shit and take responsibility for his own choices and actions. FML
On the positive side, I walked out. I'm not seriously hurt, and I do feel like a guardian angel was with me today. If I hadn't slammed on the brakes, if I hadn't waited 2 seconds, she would have completely T boned me and I'd be in the hospital or dead right now. I guess I'd rather be dealing with a trigger. Huh, I haven't had a trigger in about 5 years.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:29 AM, March 29th (Sunday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 3/29/2020 05:44 AM

Wow, thank God you are ok!! And kudos for seeing the positives in your situation.

Awesome that the boyfriend who wasn't even there is identifying you as a fucking bitch. How dare you be in the right place at the wrong time!! People like this are miserable and they are everywhere. And we should all be grateful we are not them. With that attitude, I'll bet my right arm he's cheating on her. She's a train wreck with her dog blaming and he sounds like a miserable abuser. They deserve each other.

Deep breaths. Onward. And hugs!

hardtimesinlife posted 3/29/2020 07:28 AM

So glad you are in good physical shape after this.
What a strange creep up on you without warning trigger. I probably would have reacted the same way. The boyfriend calling you names... did the cops hear that? The sob needs HIS ass kicked.

Phoenix1 posted 3/29/2020 09:11 AM

Sorry it triggered long dormant feelings, but very glad you walked away from what could have so much worse!

StillLivin posted 3/29/2020 11:21 AM

Thank you, all, for the concern. I forgot to mention they looked like trailer trash tweakers. So anything he said was basically irrelevant. Pissed me off a little, but really I can't get too worked up over what a piece of trash says. No, the police had left. Didn't hear a peep out of the coward while they were still there. This was after, while I was waiting for the towing service to come get my vehicle and while they were waiting for their ride.
I'm not upset that I got angry, anyone would in my situation with a remorseless person who almost just killed them. It's the reason why, the triggering, that kind of still bothers me. I'm going to work on letting it go. Kind of caught me off guard when it happened.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 11:23 AM, March 29th (Sunday)]

ZenMumWalking posted 4/2/2020 17:54 PM

((((StillLivin)))) Glad it worked out ok.

But yeah, that's one thing that completely gets me (that I haven't 'zenned' yet hahaha) - people who don't accept responsibility.

I hope you are able to work it out with your insurance, and that you don't come across any more responsibility dodgers any time soon.


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