SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am about 30 days from my D being finalized, but already feeling so much pressure to move on. Probably because my stupid STBXWH is already in a full on relationship with AP.

But also partly it’s because I feel lonely.

Where do you all meet people? I’m 41 with 3 kids, and have no idea how people do this anymore. My therapist mentioned trying bumble. Does anyone have experience with that? Would that be bad since my divorce isn’t final yet?

IMHO don't be in such a hurry to jump back into dating. I have a theory that a lot of the time people think they want to date, but what they actually want is friendship. Like thinking you're hungry when you're really thirsty and just need to drink some water.

Try meetup. Look for activities you like. Or even ones with other moms that have kids the same ages as yours. Not sue where you're at, but in my area there are literally thousands of meetup groups, for just about any hobby or interest you can imagine. Or check into your local rec center and take a class or two. Cooking class, art class, yoga, whatever.

Take all that with a grain if salt - I met the exdouche on OLD so that has forever been ruined for me at this point.

My good friend recently broke up w a guy who cheated on her and she is focusing on self improvement and healing joined a support group and found a whole new circle of platonic friends. Through this group she met a friend of a friend she hit it off with and they are very interested in each other. She’s trying to pump the brakes a bit to heal and all but it sounds promising. Moral of that story I guess is - maybe you can expand your circle a bit with something restorative or healing? A quick way to closeness with new people is a support group!

I reconnected with a long-buried interest: choral music. I auditioned for (and was accepted) into a very nice (and talented) choral group. Two years later, I was elected to their board of directors. This has provided a non-dating outlet for me--I do their grant writing and manage a lot of other details for them. I have made life-long friends and just came home from spending 5 hours at a symposium with 3 of them. We enjoy each others' company and connect through our common interest in choral music.

I echo the advice to not jump into the dating shark tank too quickly, but I also recognize that you need adult companionship. Try reconnecting an interest, or adult education (some communities offer adult education in areas like photography, knitting, etc.). There are a lot of ways to enjoy adult company without dating, and I think that's a good and healthy way to get your social needs met.

Cat

Good advice already about ways to meet others in a non-relationship seeking way. The point being, don't jump into a relationship to fill a void (loneliness) or to meet someone else's expectation that you are not "moving on" fast enough. Learn to enjoy your own company. Find happiness from within, not from others. Then, when you *want* someone else in your life, but don't *need* someone in your life, dip your toes into the dating pool. You won't regret spending time focusing on yourself, and confidence is seen as a very attractive quality by many.

Remember, not only does broken attract broken, but by not being fully healed you may also be an easy target for predators that specifically prey on vulnerable people. There are a lot of players out there.