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Just one more lie please

Newbeginnings24 posted 12/28/2019 14:04 PM

Hi everyone,

I need emergency help with regards to my WH and his family (mainly his parents). I have struggled from DDay to try and find a manageable way to move forward with them without them hurting me anymore but keeping the peace for the sake of my DD.

As it turns out my WH has lied to me for 15 years about the smallest of things, and continues to do so. I have told him on many occasions to stop and what the consequences of these lies will be. Yesterday when I went to collect my Dd from him at his parents. He strangely volunteered their whereabouts (out all night at a party) He seemed shifty and was keen for me to leave. When I left and on my way home I passed them parked up around the corner. Not near anyone they knew or on the way back from the direction of the party. They usually have a Christmas party every year on the same day. Why would they want to lie about something so small and then sneak around. I have this extremely strong suspicion that they had his OW in their car.

His mum has been very keen to keep our close relationship going but has made too many stupid comments. I have no hard evidence as to what they were up to but suspect that my suspicions are true. I am finding it hard to want a relationship with her and I am not sure how to broach the subject of her lying to me, this being unacceptable and something I am not prepared to stand for. I also want to continue to remind him that I won’t stand for it.

He has told me that they may ‘bump’ into his OW in March when they are all watching the rugby in London. Meaning, they are meeting her then. I expressed my disgust but get that they will want to meet her and for him to be happy. But feel this overwhelming heartache that they have moved on so quickly and they aren’t considering my feelings in all of this. Am I stupid to even think they would?

My friend told me not to let their plans upset me and if they are prepared to ruin any relationship with me, then let them.

Please give me some advice and reassurance, before I lose the plot.

NB x

Catwoman posted 12/28/2019 15:39 PM

You don't need to have a relationship with anyone who chooses to hurt you.

As far as your DD goes, you can be polite when you see her grandparents, but you don't have to have a relationship with them.

Sounds like that would be the best way to go.


homewrecked2011 posted 12/28/2019 23:05 PM

Yeah, trying to figure out the mindset of these people will drive you insane.

Simply be nice when you see them, and let them go. They might not ever be “real”.

You are in a new, truthful journey with your child. Enjoy the life you make and the peace that encircles you.

Athena1979 posted 1/29/2020 23:19 PM

I would be hurt, too. That is a natural reaction. And it's just awful and dumb.

Your intuition is keyed into his deception.

Cut toxic people out of your life. I maintain a relationship with relatives that I do not tolerate their poor behavior. I do not have any contact with them. When I do, for kids birthday parties, I come, i nod and smile and show a top notch show of class and grace. I ensure i do not stir up drama. (Last party, they actually got up and left. They always say terrible things about me to all of these people, and yet, here I am, proving, in front of those same people they lie about me to, that all the bad things they say are wholly untrue. )

And you live your life and live it well.

"We only want him to be happy."
Yeah..what about your happiness? To heck with you? Is this an and/or situation? Heck no. They arent responsible for your happiness.

And also...its actually kind of funny that they feel they have to sneak OW around out back. I say, do this often. Make the OW have to sneak and hide in fear of you. And always come with class.

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