I already mentioned this as a response on another thread, but wanted to go into more detail here instead of thread-jacking: I remember how helpful it was to read all these New Beginnings stories when I was in the thick of the badness.
At the end of October, YL and I will have been dating for five years. We've been talking for three or four years of moving in some day - although we often would phrase it as "some day when we take that ... NEXT STEP" (usually with raised eyebrows). I wanted to move in with her almost right away, but knew that would be a bad idea because of my issues that I was still working on.
I graduated from my shrink in 2017, but wasn't ready to move in yet, and she wasn't pressuring me. I needed to know that I could take care of myself, so I wouldn't feel like I had to stay with someone who had "rescued" me. I told her at that point that whenever we take that NEXT STEP, I would need an "escape plan". The second it was out of my mouth, I realized that was poor phrasing, but in her infinitely loving way, YL just asked if I could explain what that meant. What I meant was that I didn't want to have to start from zero again if things didn't work out - even though I was sure things would work out. She understood.
Shortly after that, my boys and I moved from our tiny apartment to a rental townhouse that was much closer to YL. That has been truly lovely. I've spent this time seeing much more of YL, having more space with my boys, becoming a more confident musician, and still making enough money (in my day job, that is!) to support myself. The last time we had spoken about the NEXT STEP, I had said that she didn't have enough bedrooms for all three of us, so we would need to wait until one of my kids moved out. They're 19 and 16, so I'm in no hurry for that to happen of course. Boy2000 actually asked me one day if I was waiting for him to move out so I could move in with YL. I told him that while we couldn't move in with her with our current bodycount, that's not what I was waiting for, and he should feel no pressure.
Over the summer, on alternating weeks, neither of us had kids, so we would live together at her place. I still came home every morning for work in my home office, but we were living together otherwise, and it was frigging fantastic.
About three weeks ago, YL and I had just finished supper at her place and were relaxing at the table over wine. She mentioned that all the equipment in her exercise room doesn't get used by her kids, so that could be another bedroom. As a result, we could have a bedroom for each of our five kids (her three girls, my two boys). She asked if there were any other emotional or practical concerns stopping us from living together. I said there were not any.
So then we started talking timeframe. I have to give two months notice here, and would rather not move over xmas again, so we decided we'll make it happen at the end of January. We spent the rest of the evening walking through her house with our glasses of wine, discussing how we could reconfigure things. We woke up the next morning and didn't feel any anxiety about it - and I feel no need for an escape plan!
The other day, I made a list on my phone of basically all the furniture and fixtures at my place. I measured a few things. That night, we walked through her place again, with a tape measure and my list. Noting down the general location of each piece - and a few things that I'll get rid of.
YL is being amazing. She wants to make sure this feels like my home, but is speaking up about things that are important to her - and I'm doing the same. My kids are delighted ("You mean we'll be living somewhere with a dishwasher AND air conditioning?!?"
. Her girls are younger and had a full range of reactions, but are okay now: I have great relationships with all three of them, and they think my boys are cool. We even have a separate room for my office.
We've also talked about changes as far as socializing as a couple vs. socializing separately. Right now, I do that on the weeknights that she has her kids: I have a few close friends who I get together with for dinner and booze one night each per month, and then I also have one music night per week. We've agreed that I should spread those nights out a little bit throughout the month instead of clumping them all together. I don't want her daughters to think that I don't want to be around them, or that the man's job is to go out drinking while the woman takes care of the kids. She has a few friends who she meets with less frequently, but may try and fit some more outings into her life so that neither one of us becomes totally dependent on the other as a social outlet.
The only item we didn't initially agree on was which spice cupboard configuration we should use. We each think our own is superior, of course. After a fortuitous evening when she confused her chili powder container with her cayenne container, she allowed as how, mine may be better. So the courts have been saved THAT fight. 
This is very good!
