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New Normal

SuchMickleCare posted 8/9/2019 19:17 PM

I made a few posts in JFO a few months back, but the way things have progressed means I should probably post here instead.

It took a few months of saving, but I eventually separated as soon as I could from my (now, ex-) serial cheating partner and am now living in a larger place, farther away, and with friends. There are many positives to this new situation. However, the biggest negative is that itís not cat-friendly and so Ex is keeping both both cats, for now. Ex and I signed a pet custody agreement before I left, so eventually I should be getting one of the cats back (the one I strongly bonded to). He treats animals much better than he treats women, so Iím confident theyíll be just fine.

Itís been about a week in the new place, and was very uncomfortable at first. The first couple nights I was filled with a new level resentment for sleeping alone, without a partner whom I trusted, having to finally accept the new life I was forced into. I was so angry and disgusted, ďhow could he do this to me? What did I do to him, to make him put me through all this?Ē

But after a few days of learning the new normal (and going out, seeing friends who are very lovely and supportive), Iím still angry as hell but itís not ruining my day as much, if that makes sense. NC has helped a lot with getting him out of my thoughts.

I feel positive change coming my way, itís already begun. New challenges too, and Iím sure negative feelings & thoughts will pop up. But Iím hopeful. I know itís only been a week.

Iím curious how long it took other folks who separated to start really feeling normal and secure in their new lives? What steps did you take to work on yourself or find happiness, after the trauma of a horrible partner and the enormous life shift of leaving them?

BearlyBreathing posted 8/9/2019 19:27 PM

Took a few months, and it was a combination of going out and doing things and just feeling the feels, good and bad. Itís a roller coaster still but not as wild and it starts tapering down.

Hope you can get your kitty back - my girl has been my furry bff and helped me through a lot.
Welcome to your next chapter!!

Shehawk posted 8/9/2019 21:48 PM

I practice yoga every day.

I am a yoga teacher and the best I could do was commit to 5 minutes a day at first..but measureable baby steps.

And I make myself drink water every day. And eat vegetables.

I also make myself accomplish something every day before I let myself go to sleep at night...like I said..baby steps.

JanaGreen posted 8/9/2019 22:38 PM

It took me about a year.

We had been married for 13 years when he moved out. I had recently lost my job of ten years (which was a huge source of security and support for me) and we had just moved into a new house, then he left. I felt like my entire world was sideways. I had to figure out a new job with a longer commute and how to make that work with kids. I stopped exercising and started drinking a lot. I was pretty much drunk every night I didn't have the kids. Gained weight, felt like I was an ugly old fat loser who no one would ever want. Felt trapped because I was scared to initiate the divorce process.

Finding out that ex had a full-on GIRLFRIEND who he was taking vacations with while we still had a joint bank account, while I was sitting around chaste because I was still married - and waiting on a time that was convenient for HIM to file - that woke my ass up. I saw a lawyer, cut back on my drinking, started running again and lost 37 pounds over the course of 2018, and found a man who treats me like a damn queen and the hottest thing on 2 legs. Once I stopped wallowing in fear and helplessness and took charge, I felt sooo much better. And I finally sold the marital home and am in an adorable little cape cod that is 100% my own now. So it took a while. But I will never again have to feel that sinking feeling in my gut that was the inescapable consequence of being with my ex and EVERY bit of pain it took to break free is worth it for that.

Hang in there. It might take a while but being free of the emotional abuse is SO worth it.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:43 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

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