SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I won't give up, gotta get that achievement!

(Saw this on FB, had to share)

LOL! Thanks for that!

I've put on a few pounds over the past couple of years. Barely overweight by BMI standards. I keep telling myself that I'll get back into shape, but then again, round is a shape!

I just spent a full week burning an extra 2000 kcal a day hiking and I get home to find I weigh the exact same. Mid 30s are looking so great

In the first year of things.. I had lost 80lbs.. but since then have gained 2/3 of it back.

I really don't eat that much, I think it's my sit down job and my lack of exercise.. and what I eat that are the culprits..

I'm already working on doing more walking and going to the gym when I can tho.. Healthy eating is so expensive, compared to not so healthy options.

Just went to the doctor for a physical as well as my 6 months out STD check up (infidelity, the gift that keeps on giving) and realized I lost 20 pounds! All of that vomiting from flashbacks and triggers really did a number on me I guess. That and the vicious circle of intentionally not eating because I didn't want to throw up.

Still feeling like I am overweight by about 10-15 pounds, but feeling much better than I was. Back to eating normally again now, so hoping I don't gain it all back.

How much does weight really affect the dating game though? I would sincerely hope that if any of us have a few extra pounds on that we would still fare well because we are good, decent, interesting people. And the kind of person who wouldn't want to date me just because of my weight is the kind of person that I don't want to be around anyway... or at least I tell myself that now, I might be singing a different tune once I actually have to enter the dating world again :/

For women, I believe, weight isn't an issue.. Most men are forgiving on such things.. Some prefer women with curves or fluff..

For Men, I think it's harder as women being the one to decide who they date and who they reject and aren't generally the ones doing the chasing.. Will opt for a fit guy, over the fluffy one without even asking any personality involved questions.

hello lbc

thanks for the laugh!

I think many of us have been playing the married game in the hard mode for quite some time while our WS es had the cheat codes (pun intended).

So I am gonna enjoy the game!

ps he had so sorry you experienced that!

truly aweful stuff that lots of us have been through...minus me getting the bonus 20lb weight loss but....

Will opt for a fit guy, over the fluffy one without even asking any personality involved questions.

I'm sorry that has been your experience! There are definitely men who do this to women too. I feel your pain! I think we were just focusing on the wrong people.

An anecdote from my 20s. I was born blonde. Like completely platinum. It got darker over the years, and so I started dyeing it to maintain it, to a normal natural blonde color. I ended up dating a guy who was obsessed with blondes. Died it brighter and brighter until it was very light, and not even really flattering. I look back at photos of that time and think wow, why did I do that to myself?

I had always wanted to dye my hair red. My mom has the prettiest auburn hair, and I had always admired it. My XBF was so obsessed with the blonde that if I even mentioned the idea of dyeing it, he shut it down. Well, when he cheated on me and we broke up, I took that as a sign to go for it! I dyed my hair red and never looked back!

I absolutely LOVE having red hair. I feel it fits my personality better than blonde ever did. BUT, I noticed a drastic change after I dyed it that I was absolutely NOT prepared for. As a very fit, 20 something, I was used to getting hit on ALL the time. But once I dyed my hair, it all but stopped completely. I actually had a breakdown with a friend in a bar bathroom (not one of my finer moments) about how I felt invisible, and no one was ever going to talk to me again as long as I kept the red hair.

It took me a bit to reframe it. But I finally realized, it wasn't the red hair that was the problem, it was the fact that I was used to getting hit on by the types of people who did not value anything but a specific hair color. Once I recognized that if they didn't want to talk to me if I wasn't blonde, they weren't worthy of my time, it helped a LOT.

Now, there are of course a few creeps who will hit on redheaded women because of the whole carpet vs. drapes trope. I've had multiple people ask me "Does the carpet match the drapes?" thinking they are being SO clever I like to him them with "I wouldn't know, I have hardwood floors." Just to mess with them! But all in all, I noticed that the quality of person who was talking to me was much higher, even though the quantity was lower.

Bottom line, if they don't see the value in talking to you because you have a few extra pounds on you, they're not worth your time.

I think many of us have been playing the married game in the hard mode for quite some time while our WS es had the cheat codes (pun intended).

Shehawk thanks for this! I needed the laugh!

I can't speak for other women but I'd much rather be with a mildly overweight smart, funny, kind man than a gym-obsessed dumbass. Not that loving the gym means you're dumb at all, but being fit isn't the end-all. Although I do want him to be able to keep up with me in bed

Last year I lost almost 40 pounds (although I've gained 15 back ) and i started getting noticed a lot more. I'm sure some of it was my slimmer shape but I know my increased confidence was a big help.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:49 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]

So True Jana!

Quality in a man is so much more than a six pack.

I would rather get fit together with a nice kind non cheating man who wants to spend some quality time together than be with my gym obsessed, Facebook obsessed, cheating, lying, secret second life living runaway husband.

Let me tell you, integrity is sexier than anything to me right now. You ladies go ahead and pass on that chubby guy who has all the integrity. That grown-ass man who doesn't have the biceps and six-pack. Yep, pass him right on by. Hopefully he'll still be there when I'm ready to date.

Seriously though, I'm 45. If I'm looking to date people in my age range, we aren't gonna have the most perfect bodies evah. It is what it is and that's okay. I've already been in my 20s. It was fun.